


it is him i love

by Smalls



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, But also Fluff!, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ex-Soldier!Shiro, First Kiss, Fluff, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Matt and Allura are totally bros, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Texting, bartender!keith, dear god send help, serious so much texting, shiro needs a hug, so are Pidge and Keith, there's angst for a reason people
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-10-05 10:55:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 49,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20487749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smalls/pseuds/Smalls
Summary: Shiro has been back in Arizona for a few months now and is trying his best to readjust. He is. But it's hard to go from military hero to broken soldier and act like everything is okay. But everything is not okay. Until he meets a really cute bartender. Then everything becomes...complicated.***in which Shiro had a plan, met a very pretty bartender, and threw the previous plan out the window.(NEW VERSION)





	1. raise a glass

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovely people! I have returned! I have finished (mostly) this work finally and am going to start uploading every other day starting today. The first few chapters are pretty similar and the concept is still the same, just refined. Thank you so much for your patience with me as I worked out all the details and enjoy!
> 
> If you're new here, welcome! Here are two small things you should know:  
1\. In most fics, Keith's life has been...rough, and Shiro has had a pretty decent life. Well in this fic, I want to subvert that. So if Keith feels completely out of character, that will, in part, be because he hasn't had all the troubles he has in most headcanons (that will make more sense later)  
2\. I do have a few chapters to go so the rating and tags are subject to change, okay? It may go up or down so, I don't know, brace yourself. And if you think something should be tagged or rating should be changed, please let me know!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You ordering something?” Shiro blinked out of his daze and looked up sheepishly at the bartender, an apology already on his lips. An apology that died when he saw the bartender. 
> 
> The bartender was, in a word, beautiful.

Shiro jerked awake to the sound of a loud ringing. He jumped off the couch and surveyed the room quickly for the source of the sound, before realizing it was his phone. Relaxing slightly, Shiro sat back down and muted the TV, which was still playing Mystery Science Theater 3000, before picking up the phone and giving a sleepy, “hello?”

“Oh my god. Were you asleep? It’s like barely 7:00 on a Friday night, and you were actually asleep? Are you kidding?” Shiro sighed. “Oh, man. Allura is gonna love this. You’re like, officially old now.”

“Matt,” Shiro rolled his neck and winced. “Is there a reason you're calling or…?”

“Wowwww. Can’t a guy just call his best friend out of the blue for no particular reason? I mean, I have a reason, obviously, but if I didn't have one, would you hang up? Send your poor best friend—”

“Matt. The reason?”

“Oh, sorry. You wanna go out for drinks with me and Allura?” Shiro closed his eyes and counted to ten.

“Matt…”

“Come on, Shiro. I need a wingman, and you need to get out of your apartment.”

“As tempting as watching you hit on people sounds,” Shiro said with light amusement, “I think I’m going to pass.”

“Shiro, please? Tell you what, if you can give me one good excuse not to come out with your best friends, then I’ll drop it.”

Shiro paused, shifting through potential excuses and dismissing them just as fast.

“We miss you, buddy.” Matt’s voice was quiet on the other line. “We just want to make sure you're okay.” He sighed again. _Well damn._

“Fine, I’ll come.”

“Wait, really?” Shiro swallowed guiltily at the surprise in Matt’s voice. “Awesome! We’ll meet you at The Castle in thirty minutes. Don't be late, oh and try to put some effort in, ‘kay?”

***

Shiro—dressed in black jeans, a tight grey tee-shirt, and his old lettermen jacket—stood outside The Castle, questioning his decisions. He loved Matt and Allura with all his heart. They were probably the best friends a guy could ask for, but he really didn’t want to be here. On the other hand, Shiro had blown off their calls and invites since Christmas. Shiro squared his shoulders and pushed open the door.

Immediately his senses were assaulted with the sounds of a football game, men’s cheering, people laughing, and drink orders being called. Shiro tried his best to block it all out and scanned the bar for his friends. He saw them sitting in a booth in the back corner and quickly made his way over. Allura waved manically when she spotted him and Matt grinned when he glanced up and saw the look on Shiro’s face.

“Aww, cheer up, Shiro. I’ve got alcohol.” Shiro shook his head as he slid in next to Matt. Matt handed him a glass which Shiro took gratefully.

“I really shouldn't be here.” He took a sip of his drink and winced. Matt and his damned love of gin. No matter how many times Shiro told Matt his drink order, Matt would always order him a Negroni first, and eagerly take it off his hands, the little shit.

“Actually, you really should,” Allura corrected. “When was the last time you did something fun?”

“I was doing something fun before you dragged me out here.” Matt laughed and nudged Shiro playfully.

“Since when is falling asleep to Star Trek at 7 pm fun?”

“It’s been a long day,” Shiro defended with a scowl and a faint blush. “And I wasn’t watching Star Trek.” Matt chuckled again and shook his head.

“Of course not, you nerd,” he teased.

“Don’t think you have a lot of room for calling people ‘nerd’,” Allura pointed out, sipping her whiskey casually. “Or am I think of a different friend who cried when Pluto lost its status as a planet?” Shiro choked back a laugh as Matt frowned.

“The lost of Pluto is the greatest tragedy of our generation and worthy of tears,” Matt informed her seriously. “Seventy-six noble years serving our solar system, and suddenly it’s too small to count.”

“I repeat: nerd.”

“Can’t a man grieve?!” Matt demanded, glancing at Shiro for help.

“You’re on your own in this battle,” Shiro told him apologetically. Matt sighed while Allura grinned triumphantly.

“After all,” Allura said, “It’s smaller than our moon.”

“We can’t just go around abandoning planets!”

“It never should have been a planet in the first place,” Allura insisted. “Anyways, it was forever ago. Get over.”

“No!”

“Matt…”

“Viva la Pluto!”

“How many drinks did you have before I got here?” Shiro asked with a laugh.

“Not enough if I have to put up with this disrespect,” Matt muttered. Shiro patted Matt’s back sympathetically and handed him the Negroni.

“Here, I’m going to the bar anyway, since _someone _ordered the wrong drink, ” Shiro said, sliding out of the booth. Matt winked. “Allura, you want anything?”

“For this conversation? Another whiskey straight.”

Shiro nodded and headed towards the bar, laughing quietly as he heard Matt yell, “So what’s next?! We gonna demote Rhode Island?!”

He walked over to the bar and waited patiently behind a group of 20 something-year-olds eagerly ordering what was probably their first-ever round of shots. He chuckled to himself and pulled out his phone, scrolling absent-mindedly through his Instagram.

“You ordering something?” Shiro blinked out of his daze and looked up sheepishly at the bartender, an apology already on his lips. An apology that died when he saw the bartender.

The bartender was, in a word, beautiful.

Long messy hair, just barely reaching his shoulders. Pale skin that looked like porcelain. Lips that were made to be kissed. And purple eyes deep enough for a man to get lost in. 

Shiro stared blankly at the man.

“Uh, you ordering something, man?” Shiro blinked himself back to awareness.

“Uh, what? Yes, yes I am. I’ll have a…a…” The bartender gave Shiro a hesitant smile.

“You’ve had a few tonight?”

“What? Oh, no. Not a drop yet. I’m ordering for a friend and I just…got distracted,” he ended lamely. The beautiful bartender studied him as if trying to figure out whether Shiro was telling the truth and was just an idiot. He briefly wondered if it was better if the man thought Shiro was drunk and off his game.

“I, uh, I’ll have a whiskey straight and an Old Fashioned” The man looked him over again, then looked past him. Then back at him.

“Wait, are you with Holt?” Shiro blinked in surprise and nodded.

“Yeah. You know Matt?” The bartender gave a shrug in reply.

“Yeah, kinda. I’m friends with Pidge. I mean, Katie. We go to school together.” Shiro nodded. Pidge was a funny girl. Sarcastic, brutally honest and brilliant just like her big brother, getting ready to graduate high school at just 16. He loved that genius little weirdo as if she were his own sister.

“Yeah, Pidge is great,” he agreed, then narrowed his eyes as he looked over the bartender. “Wait, how old are you?” The man, or maybe Shiro should be thinking of him as a boy, rolled his eyes.

“Relax, I’m nineteen. Perfectly legal. So one whiskey straight and one Old Fashioned?”

“Yeah.” The bartender turned back to face the bar and went about mixing the drinks. Shiro tried very hard not to stare at the bartender’s ass, with mild success.

“So,” Shiro said after a moment, “how’d you know I was with Matt?” The bartender looked over his shoulder and smirked.

“Holt ran in here a while ago and told me to get him two Negronis as soon as possible because he had a friend coming that, and I'm quoting here, ‘is the embodiment of Adonis and I need him wasted so he agrees to stay and be my wingman.’”

Shiro flushed to the tip of his ears and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Matt is always saying stupid things,” he said faintly. The bartender laughed and handed Shiro his drinks

“True but, while you aren't blond-haired and blue-eyed, you're definitely the best looking guy in this bar.” Shiro stared at him blankly, mouth open like some kind of idiot. The bartender shrugged.

“Just being honest. Well, you should get that back to your friends.”

Shiro nodded and in a complete daze walked back to his booth, slid in next to Matt (who had moved on from the Pluto debate and were now fighting about the best candidates on this season of The Bachelor) and put the drinks on the table.

“Thanks, Shiro.” Allura reached over and stole a sip of his drink, then quickly glance back over at him when he didn’t respond. “You okay?” Shiro blinked a few times, then nodded.

“Uh, yeah. I think so.”

“Oh, I think he's a little better than okay,” Matt said slyly. Shiro shot his best friend a questioning glance. “I saw you've met Keith,” Matt added. Shiro flushed and ducked his head.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” _So that’s his name._

“Keith?” Allura asked, looking back and forth between the two friends. “Who’s Keith?”

“Keith,” Matt told Allura sweetly, “is the lovely bartender who our dearest Shiro just ogled helpless while ordering our drinks.”

“WHAT?!”

“I wasn't ogling!” Shiro protested, facing growing even warmer. “I was just…”

“Enjoying the view?” Matt suggested. Shiro groaned. “Hey, I’m just saying. I don't even like guys and _I_ know that Keith is gorgeous.”

“Really?” Allura straightened up and tried to spot Keith through the crowd. Shiro reached across the table and tugged on her arm.

“Would you stop that? I wasn't ogling or enjoying the view. I was just getting our drinks.” Matt scoffed.

“So you really don't think he's cute?”

Shiro fought valiantly to keep the blush from up his face.

“Is he? I didn't notice.” Matt rolled his eyes.

“He’s very cute, very gay, and very single, last I checked.”

There was no stopping the blush now.

“G-good to know,” Shiro stammered. Allura chuckled.

“Aww, you're adorable.” Shiro shot her a glare. “You know those have no effect on me. So he’s cute? Are you going to ask him out?”

“What?! No?!” Shiro spluttered.

“Why not?” Matt demanded. “Did I not mention that he is very single and very gay?”

“Come on, guys, can we please just drop this?” Allura shook her head.

“No way. I’m invested. Did you at least get his number?” Shiro sighed and shook his head.

“I can’t just ask out some guy I meet in a bar!”

“Why not?!” they demanded simultaneously.

“Well, for one, he’s only nineteen!” Allura raised her eyebrows at that.

“Really? Huh, didn't know you went for twinks.” Matt let out a bark of laughter as Shiro’s face turned impossibly hotter.

“I don’t! He’s not! We are _not_ having this conversation!” Allura laughed before her eyes widened briefly. She stood up and stretched causally. Shiro eyed her suspiciously.

“Whatever you're thinking, stop it.”

“I’m not thinking anything.”

“Then why are you standing? Allura’s eyes twinkled.

“Because you might be boring, but I’m not.”

Before either of them could stop her, Allura was off, sashaying towards the bar. Matt watched her and let out a small sigh.

“She really is something, huh?” Shiro laughed slightly.

“That’s one way of putting it.”

When he had met Allura for the first time, Shiro thought there had to be some kind of mistake. There was no way this beautiful naive girl could be Lt. Gen. Alfor’s daughter. The man was a military legend, there was no way this girl could come even close to him. Then Shiro watched her in action and had been proven wrong. Allura was more than just a pretty face.She was a natural-born leader, a brilliant tactician, and a goddamned force of nature, and it had been an honor and a privilege serving beside her.

“So about Keith…” Shiro slumped his shoulders and stared down at the table.

“Can we please not talk about this?” he asked softly. Shiro could feel Matt’s eyes on him.

“Okay…Why not?”

Shiro was silent for a long time.

“I can’t do it,” he finally admitted, voice quiet and resigned. “I…I’m not ready. I’m trying, but…I’m still…messed up. I mean I could barely come out here tonight. And he seems so nice and normal and I don't want to do that to him.”

For a moment, neither of them said a word.

“You know,” Matt said slowly, “none of us are really ‘okay’. We…” He swallowed and took a steadying breath. “We saw hell over there, and now we’re all just doing our best, ya know? So don't be so hard on yourself. After all, you are here. Some progress is better than no progress, right? ” Shiro looked up at Matt and gave him a soft smile.

“Anyone ever tell you you're a little bit smart sometimes?” Matt grinned back.

“Once or twice.” Shiro and Matt looked up as Allura slid back into the booth and handed Shiro a piece of paper.

“I got his number for you.”

“You what?!”

“I got his number. For you, ” Allura repeated slowly. “I told him that my dumb friend isn't that great at flirting— that’s you by the way— but really like him and if I could get his number.”

“And he just gave you his number?” Shiro asked in disbelief. “Just like that?” Allura nodded in confirmation.

“Yup. He said that you should definitely call him sometime.”

“_Really_?” Allura shot him an exasperated look before looking to Matt questioningly.

“I’m sorry, Matt, am I the kind of friend who would lie about something like this?” Matt chuckled.

“No, you'd lie about other things.”

“Shiro, hit Matt for me.” Shiro grinned and punched Matt lightly in the arm.

“Oww!!” Matt cried dramatically.

“You’ll live,” Shiro promised in amusement. He angled himself towards Allura and gesture to the number on the table. “So this is really his number?”

“_Yes_,” she said with an offended huff. “So are you going to call him or what?”

Shiro picked up the paper. There it was in small neat handwriting.

_Call me, Adonis._

_ 480.637.6075_

_ \- Keith_

“Yeah,” Shiro agreed, before grinning up at his friends, “maybe I will.”


	2. i start to stutter ha, ha, heaven help me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What would Matt do?” he asked himself. Shiro thought for a moment then laughed. “He’d probably tell me I should sober up if I’m coming to him for dating advice.”

Shiro unlocked the door to his apartment around midnight, feeling pleasantly tipsy and collapsed onto his couch. He had actually had a good time. He’d forgotten how much fun he had with Matt and Allura. Just talking and laughing and catching up. Matt hitting on girls and getting shot down, while Allura laughed and Shiro consoled. Guys and girls slipping Allura their numbers while Matt pouted and Shiro…consoled. Shiro smiling at his slip of paper fondly and glancing at the bar every few minutes while Matt and Allura teased him. It was almost…normal.

Shiro reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the paper. 

_Call me, Adonis._

_ 480.637.6075_

_ \- Keith_

Shiro grinned and took out his phone.

** _To: 480.637.6075_ **

** _ Hey hey keith it wassuper cool meetieng you tonigth._ **

Shiro paused and read over his message.

“Meetieng you?” he read aloud. Shiro shook his head and deleted the text message. “Come on, hands. Work with me here. ”

** _To: 480.637.6075_ **

<strike> ** _Hey hey keith it wassuper cool meetieng you tonigth._ ** </strike>

** _ SUp Keith! It’s me Adnois lol!_ **

Shiro aggressively backspaced and groaned. Shiro dropped his phone beside him and closed his eyes. He couldn't do this. He hadn't flirted with anyone since he was eighteen. He was tipsy. He was out of practice. He had no idea what he was doing.

Shiro opened his eyes and stared down at his phone screen.

“What would Matt do?” he asked himself. Shiro thought for a moment then laughed. “He’d probably tell me I should sober up if I’m coming to him for dating advice.”

Shiro saved Keith’s number before slipping his phone back into his pocket, then stood up. He swayed for a second but remained upright so he figured that was a win. He walked towards his bedroom, making a quick detour to the kitchen for a glass of water and the bathroom for a bottle of aspirin. He hadn't had _that much _to drink, but better safe than sorry.

He stripped off his jacket and tee-shirt and jeans, before kicking off his shoes and falling back on the bed. He considered taking off his socks, but the idea sitting back up seems like too much work. Instead, he pulled his comforter over him and closed his eyes.

_I’ll text Keith in the morning,_ Shiro promised himself as he drifted off into dreams filled with dark hair and purple eyes.

***

Shiro woke up to an insistent pounding. Shiro groaned and rolled over, burrowing his head in his pillow. After a minute, he realized the pounding was inside his head.

Shiro groaned again and sat up, grabbing the water and aspirin. He downed them quickly and sent a thanks to past-Shiro for thinking ahead. When the pounding receded into a gentle tapping, he climbed out of bed. Shiro slipped on a sweatshirt, grabbed his phone, and slowly made his way to the kitchen. Shiro opened the fridge door and surveyed its contents, frowning slightly.

_Note to self: buy groceries._

He settled on coffee for breakfast and went about making a pot. As he filled the coffee filter and pressed start, Shiro considered his options for today. He knew he wanted to text Keith, but he had no clue what to say. He took out his phone and pulled up Keith’s contact. His thumb hovered over the ‘new message’ option.

The coffee pot dinged and Shiro rushed to grab it, eager for the distraction. As Shiro poured himself a cup of coffee, he ran over lines in his head. Then immediately dismissed all of them. They all sounded too cheesy, too sleazy, or just plain stupid. Shiro took a frustrated sip of his coffee and promptly burned his tongue. Shiro scowled at his phone, lying innocently on the counter.

“Why is this so hard?” he asked it. “People do this kind of thing all the time, so why can’t I?”

The phone buzzed and Shiro froze. Then grabbed for the phone.

** _From: ‘Lura_ **

** _ Have you called your bartender yet?_ **

Shiro rolled his eyes.

** _To: ‘Lura_ **

** _ His name is Keith, he’s not my anything, and no._ **

Shiro took another sip of his coffee, blowing on it gently, as he waited for Allura’s reply.

He didn't have to wait long.

** _From: ‘Lura_ **

** _ Coward. Just call him. Or text him. Use smoke signals if you have to, just do something._ **

** _ To: ‘Lura_ **

** _ And say what?_ **

** _ From: ‘Lura_ **

** _ Seriously??  
To: ‘Lura_ **

** _ Yes, seriously. I don't know how to do this!_ **

** _ From: ‘Lura_ **

** _ UGH_ **

Shiro’s phone started ringing.

“Hello?”

“That! You literally start with that! You say hi and tell him you liked meeting him, that you think he's interesting, that you'd like to see him again, that you think he's hot. Just use your words, you baby!” Allura didn't yell exactly, but it was loud enough to remind him the aspirin had not taken full effect.

“And exactly how do I say any of that without sounding like an idiot?” Allura huffed on the other line.

“Shiro, he gave you his number. He’s interested, okay? He’s just going to be happy you're reaching out.”

“Really?”

“God, you're hopeless,” she muttered under her breath. “Yes, really.”

“Okay. Should I hang up and do it now?”

“YES! Hang up and get your bartender!”

“He’s not my—”

But she had already hung up.

Shiro pulled the phone away from his ear and sighed. She was right, of course. This wasn't a big deal. It was just a text. He could do this. Shiro took a deep breath.

“I can do this.”

He pulled up Keith’s contact.

** _To: Keith_ **

** _ Hey, Keith. It’s Shiro, the guy from the bar? Matt’s friend? _ **

<strike> ** _You called me Adonis, which was extremely flattering. Especially since you’re so gorgeous._ ** </strike> ** _ _ **

** _ I really enjoyed meeting you last night and I was wondering _ **

** _if<strike> we could get some food together, as a date.</strike> _ **

** _I<strike>f I could buy you a drink…unless you get free drinks. Since you’re a bartender. Except you’re not 21. Oh for </strike>fucks_ **

** _ if we could get together sometime?_ ** ** _ _ **

<strike> ** _Maybe?_ ** ** _ _ ** </strike>

** _ Maybe?_ **

Shiro hit send before he could overthink the message anymore and took a huge drink of his still too hot coffee.

_Okay, okay I did it,_ he thought as he swallowed. _I texted him. It’s out of my hands. Now I just have to wait._

Shiro glanced at his phone.

_Crap._

Shiro forced himself to leave the phone on the kitchen table and go sit down on the couch. He fidgeted and tried to think of something to do while he waited for Keith to reply.

_God, he might still be asleep. It might be hours. What if he gets my text and ignores it? What if he doesn't want to get together? What if he gave Allura a fake number?!_

His phone buzzed.

Shiro nearly spilled his remaining coffee as he threw himself towards the phone.

** _From: The Coolest Guy_ **

** _ hey allura said ur gonna call keith? u do it yet?_ **

Shiro swallowed back his disappointment as he texted Matt back.

** _To: The Coolest Guy_**

** _ You guys are way too invested in this._ **

** _ And yes, I texted him._ **

** _ From: The Coolest Guy_ **

** _ he respond yet?_ **

** _ To: The Coolest Guy_ **

** _ No._ **

** _ From: The Coolest Guy_ **

** _ u freaking out now?_ **

** _ To: The Coolest Guy_ **

** _ YES_ **

** _ From: The Coolest Guy_ **

** _ aw how cute_ **

** _ honestly tho dont freak k? he likes u. just wait for his reply_ **

** _ To: The Coolest Guy_ **

** _ That is much easier said than done._ **

Shiro started another message, prepared to ask Matt if his text to Keith sounded stupid when his phone buzzed.

** _From: Keith_ **

** _Don’t worry, Adonis, I remember you ;) I was hoping I’d hear from you soon. I’m free this Wednesday if you want to go out. Maybe grab dinner at Altea?_ **

Shiro stared at his phone, unblinking. He read the message once. Then twice. Then once more.

“Oh my god!”

Shiro dialed the phone and waited.

“Hel—”

“He texted back! Matt! He texted _back_! He wants to get dinner this Wednesday! What do I do?!”

“Uh, hang up on me and text him back?”

“…You and Allura give the best advice,” Shiro said seriously after a brief pause. Matt laughed.

“Go get your guy, you hopeless loser. And text me and Allura later so we can talk about it.”

“Okay! Thanks, Matt!”

Shiro hung up the phone, stupid grin plastered on his face. He pulled up Keith’s message.

** _To: Keith_ **

** _ Yeah! Wednesday totally works. Can’t wait!_ **

“Way too eager,” Shiro mumbled to himself. He deleted the message and tried again.

** _To: Keith_ **

** _Yeah! Wednesday totally works. Can’t wait!_ **

** _ Yeah, I’m free on Wednesday. Wanna meet at 6?_ **

Shiro bit his lip nervously as he waited for Keith to reply.

** _From: Keith_ **

** _ It’s a date. See you Wednesday, Shiro_ **

“I have a date,” Shiro whispered to himself in disbelief. A wide smile crept onto his face.

“I have a date! With the most beautiful guy I've ever seen!” Shiro collapsed on the couch feeling giddy. “This is the best day of my life.”

Shiro’s phone started ringing, and he answered without looking.

“Yes, I did it, okay? I—”

“Takashi? Did what?”

Shiro straightened, giddiness shifting into nervous tension.

“Father, I thought you were Matt. He called earlier.” His father gave a small huff on the other line.

“That boy. Such a waste in potential. He could have been an engineer for NASA and, instead, he gets thrown out of the military and teaches high school science.” Shiro remained diplomatically silent. He and his father had spoken at length about Matt’s life choices on a number of occasions, and Shiro had decided it was easier to stay quiet.

“Anyways, did you finishing looking over those files I gave you?”

“Hm? Oh! Yes! Yes, I’ve finished and have some notes.” His father gave a small hum of approval.

“Good. Stop by the house tomorrow and bring them with you. We can go over them at dinner.” Shiro sighed inwardly, knowing an order when he heard one.

“What time?”

“Oh, I don't know. Maybe 4:00 or 4:30?”

“I can do 4:30.” His father hummed thoughtfully.

“Okay, that can work. If you can get here closer to 4:00, do that.” Shiro closed his eyes and counted to five.

“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

“Good.”

Shiro hung up the phone, suddenly feeling exhausted. He loved his father, of course he did, but Ryou Shirogane was…a difficult man.

Shiro checked the time. 11:47. He swallowed the last bit of his coffee and walked to the bedroom, texting Matt as he walked.

** _To: The Coolest Guy_ **

** _ He texted back. You wanna grab lunch? I’m buying._ **

The reply was immediate.

** _From: The Coolest Guy_ **

** _ yes! me and allura will meet u @ chino bandido in 1hr. u better tell us everything_ **

Shiro laughed faintly and went to get dressed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :)
> 
> (chapter title from I Do Adore, Mindy Gledhill)


	3. breathe, just breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Shiro!” Shiro opened his eyes---when did I close them?--- and saw Matt, mere inches away staring worriedly into his eyes, hands firmly on his shoulders. 
> 
> “I…”
> 
> “Just look at me and breathe, buddy, okay? Just breathe in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning for panic attacks and implied homophobia

“Okay, so tell us everything,” Allura demanded as soon as they were all comfortably seated. Shiro flushed slightly.

“Well, I took your advice and I texted him, saying I had liked meeting him and that I was hoping he’d like to go out sometime.” Matt nodded eagerly.

“Smooth, I like it. Then what?”

“Uh, well, then I waited for him to reply. And he did and—”

“And that’s when you called me to freak out,” Matt interjected with a snicker. Shiro flushed brighter as Allura laughed.

“I can’t believe you called Matt before texting Keith back.”

“I got excited!” Shiro exclaimed defensively. “And I did text him! He told me he was free Wednesday and that we could go to Altea for dinner, and I said that sounded great and now we have a date.” Allura narrowed her eyes.

“Is that what you guys said word for word? I need exact details, Shiro.” Shiro shrugged and nodded.

“Yeah, basically.”

“Basically is not exactly. Give me your phone.”

“What? No!”

“If you aren't going to give me and Matt all the details, then what’s the point?” Allura reasoned, leaning across the table and reaching out for Shiro. “Matt, hold him down.”

“What? Guys, this is ridiculous!” Shiro protested as Matt grabbed Shiro’s flailing arms.

“Sorry, Shiro, but I’m with Allura on this one. I want all the facts. Well, not all the fact,” he corrected. “If you guys started sexting, you can keep it to yourselves.”

“You—Come on—Oh stop—People are staring! Okay! I’ll grab it!” Matt released Shiro’s arms and Shiro reached into his pocket and pulled out his cellphone, depositing it into Allura’s waiting hand.

“It’s pass—”

“874476,” Allura recited as she tapped in the code. “What?” she asked in response to Matt and Shiro’s incredulous faces.

“When did you…?” Shiro began before shaking his head. “You know what? I actually don't want to know.”

“I do,” Matt muttered. “I’ve been trying to guess your password for years.” Allura ignored him and opened up Shiro’s messages, eyes gleaming.

“ ‘Hey, Keith’,” Allura read aloud, preforming a mildly offensive impression of Shiro. “ ‘It’s Shiro, the guy from the bar? Matt’s friend?’ ” Matt snickered and Shiro sunk down in his seat. “I really enjoyed meeting you last night and I was wondering if we could get together sometime? Maybe?” Allura looked up at Shiro and smiled fondly.

“Aww, you're so cute when you're nervous.” Shiro glared at her.

“Shut up,” he said with no heat.

“What did Keith say?” Matt asked, leaning over and trying to read the messages for himself.

“ ‘Don’t worry, Adonis, I remember you.’ ” Matt raised his eyebrows and nodded in approval.

“Wow, confident _and_ flirty? Way to go, Keith.”

“Aw, and he added a winky face,” Allura said brightly, grinning up at Shiro. Shiro sunk down a little further.

“ ‘I was hoping I’d hear from you soon,’ ” she continued. “ ‘I’m free this Wednesday if you want to go out. Maybe grab dinner at Altea?’ ” She put down the phone as their waitress came over, delivering delicious plates of steaming food.

“Thank you,” Shiro mumbled as the waitress handed him his plate, grateful both for the food and distraction. The woman smiled at them.

“Enjoy.”

Thankfully, Allura waited until the woman was out of earshot before she picked up the phone again and resumed reading.

“Okay, so Shiro said, ‘Yeah, I’m free on Wednesday. Wanna meet at 6?’ And then Keith responded, ‘It’s a date. See you Wednesday, Shiro.’ ” Allura lowered the phone and nodded thoughtfully.

“I like him,” she declared before grabbing a fork and digging into her jerk chicken. She went to take a bite, then shot Matt a look. “I do have one question though. If Keith is friends with Pidge, why haven't we ever meet him? Or even heard about him?” Shiro glanced at Matt, having wondered that himself. Matt swallowed his mouthful of chile relleno and shrugged.

“It just never occurred to me. Keith is cool, don't get me wrong, but he’s Pidge’s friend, ya know? Plus, he’s younger than us so I wouldn't have invited him to come hang out.” Matt took another bite and hummed thoughtfully. “I’m actually not surprised you two never met,” he told Shiro after a moment.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, Keith has had dinner at our house a few times and I’m pretty sure he spends the night every now and again. But now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure you had already shipped out by that point. ” Allura grinned wickedly.

“Maybe the fates were trying to keep Shiro out of jail.” Shiro choked on his rice while Matt cackled.

“Please don't remind me of the age gap,” Shiro pleaded once he got his breath back. “I’m already freaking out enough.” Allura nodded sympathetically and leaned forward, head resting on her hands.

“Okay, so what do you need from me and Matt?”

“Uh…what?” Allura rolled her eyes.

“Shiro, when was the last time you went on a date?” Shiro flushed brightly.

“I’m not totally helpless,” Shiro protested half-heartedly, then lowered his eyes in defeat. “I just…” He sighed, not sure how to put it into words.

“I don't know if I know how to be…normal.” He glanced up at his friends for a moment, then quickly looked back down. “I…I still struggle a little bit with you guys.Maybe this is all a huge mistake.”

“Shiro…” Allura began gently, but Shiro shook firmly his head.

“I mean I’m, I’m 6 years older than him. That’s a pretty significant age gap. What if we don’t have anything to talk about? I haven’t gone out with anyone in years.And, _and_, I’m still adjusting to civilian life and what if he wants to talk about? I mean, I’ve _killed _people. And he just seems good, and I’m…I’m not,” Shiro said, with dawning realization. “Oh, god, I’m, I’m, I’mscarred…and..and I, I have, I have a prostheticarm…and and and—”

“Shiro!” Shiro opened his eyes, _when did I close them?,_ and saw Matt, mere inches away staring worriedly into his eyes, hands firmly on his shoulders.

“I…”

“Just look at me and breathe, buddy, okay? Just breathe in.”

Shiro nodded helplessly and gulped in a breath.

“Now out,” Matt instructed. “Breath out.” Shiro released all his air. Matt smiled encouragingly.

“Again.”

“Is everything okay over here?” Shiro started to turn his head at the sound of their waitress, but he heard Allura polite yet dismissive, “We’re fine, thanks”.

Shiro listened to her retreating footsteps and tried to focus only on Matt and his breathing. After a few minutes, or hours, Shiro pulled back slightly, and Matt let go of Shiro’s shoulders. Shiro looked around the restaurant nervously, but, strangely, no one was staring at the two ex-soldiers kneeling on the ground, _when did I fall?, _grasping each other and struggling for breath. Although it could have been Allura’s protective glare, daring any patron to make a comment.

“You good?” Matt asked. Shiro nodded sharply.

“Yeah, I…yeah.” Matt stood and waited for Shiro to do that same. Shiro swallowed and followed Matt’s suit, grateful his friend had allowed him to stand up on his own. He sat down and tried to still his trembling hands.

The three friends sat in total silence.

“…you want to talk about what just happened?” Allura asked softly. Shiro stared down at his hands.

“When…when I have nightmares sometimes…” Shiro took a shaky breath. “Sometimes when I wake up I…I still feel like I’m there, ya know. I know I’m not, I know I’m awake, but…” Allura nodded sympathetically.

“Is that what happened? Before Christmas, I mean.” Shiro’s silence was answer enough. “Have you ever talked to anyone? About the nightmares or anything?” she asked. Shiro snorted and shook his head.

“You’re joking, right? Have you met my father?” Shiro shook his head again and let out a bitter laugh. “The fucked up vet isn't really part of the ‘Shirogane image’. I’d never hear the end of it.”

“Hey, you're not the only one,” Matt reassured, tone gentle but words firm. Shiro glanced up at him. Matt shrugged, not quite meeting his eyes. “I get flashbacks too.” He looked at Shiro then and offered him a humorless smile. “July was a real bitch.”

“If you don't feel ready for this, you can reschedule,” Allura said, looking sheepish. “We didn't mean to push you. _I _didn’t mean to push you. You get to choose the pace you want to move forward. But Shiro…” Allura reached across the table and took his hand. “We’re all a little “fucked up” as you so eloquently put it, and we are all going to struggle with things, maybe forever. But we’ve got to figure out what we can do and what’s worth doing, you know? So if you need to cancel with Keith, he’ll understand. And if you need to talk someone, then your father better damn well understand. It’s your life, you get to decide how to live it. Don’t feel like you have to do anything, okay?”

Shiro swallowed around the lump in his throat and nodded. He couldn't believe he had tried to avoid them over the last month. These people weren't just his friends; they were his fellow soldiers. Matt and Allura were maybe the only people in the world who not only understood what he was going through but who he would be willing to let in.

“Yeah, but just so you know, you’re still paying for lunch, cause I didn't bring my wallet.” Allura slapped Matt in the shoulder while Shiro threw his head back and laughed.

God, he loved them.

***

The next day found Shiro seated on his couch, dressed in a stiff suit and scuffed dress-shoes, knee bouncing nervously. He glanced at his phone. 3:32. His bouncing sped up.

Shiro had already reread the case files, adding a few notes here and there, then organized them neatly and slipped them into the briefcase has father had given him for his high school graduation. Now there was nothing to do but wait. He was determined to arrive _after _4:00 pm.

_ I’m an adult damnit,_ he thought to himself firmly. _I’ve survived war, and torture, and Allura’s baking, and I have earned the right to show up to my parents’ house at the time _**_I _**_say works best._

It was just the waiting. _That_ might do him in.

Shiro glanced down at his outfit.

“It’s dinner with my parents, not a day at the office,” he told himself. “I don't need a suit.”

He stared down at his clothes and shook his head.

“I should change into something more comfortable,” he said, standing up and moving towards the bedroom. Then froze.

“Into what? Sweats and a tee-shirt? It’s dinner with my _parents_. I’ve still gotta look presentable.” _I _**_need_**_ to look presentable._

Shiro hovered uncertainly in the doorway to his bedroom.

“Will khakis work? Slack? Should I…” Shiro glanced down at his second-hand suit and shook his head mind sentence. “Oh, fuck it. He’ll think I’m underdressed no matter what. I’m changing.”

Forty-five minutes later, Shiro parked his car in his parents' driveway. He looked out the windshield, towards the house, and sighed deeply.

“It’s just dinner,” he whispered to himself. He didn't feel any better, but it was 4:17 and there was a difference between proving a point and pushing your luck. Shiro climbed out of the car, squared his shoulders, and made his way up the drive towards his parents’ house.

He hesitated for a long moment before finally lifting a fist and knocking on the front door. There was a pause, then Shiro could hear fast approaching footsteps. The door was yanked open to reveal the beaming face of a short Japanese-American woman.

“Takashi!” Shiro couldn't help but smile.

“Hi mom,” he greeted, leaning over and offering her a hug and kiss on the check. She was still smiling when he pulled back.

“It’s so good to see you! It’s been too long since you last visited. I think you’ve gotten even taller. Or maybe I’m just shrinking.” Shiro smiled indulgently.

“I don't think you’ve gotten shorter, mom. I think you look as lovely as ever.” And she did. She had a few more wrinkles and a little more grey that black in her hair, but her smiles was just as sweet and her dark eyes shone just as bright.

She laughed slightly and swatted at Shiro’s right arm.

“Flatterer. Your father’s in the study, finishing up a business call.”

“On a Sunday?”

“Oh, you know your father. Work won’t wait until Monday. He said you were running a little late anyways so he thought he could afford the time.” Shiro gritted his teeth and offered his mom a tight smile.

“Actually I told him I couldn't meet until 4:30, but I would get here earlier if I could.” His mother shifted uncomfortably.

“Well, you know your father. Early is on time, and on time is late.” She cleared her throat awkwardly and brushed back a strand of her hair. “Let’s go to the kitchen.”

Shiro suppressed a sigh as he followed his mother. It was…unsurprising to see this visit was going to be uncomfortably like the last one.

His mother led him to the kitchen and pulled down two mugs from the cupboard.

“Would you like some tea? Or are you more of a coffee drinker now?”

“Tea’s fine, thanks, mom.” Shiro leaned against the island and watched as his mother filled the kettle with water and set it to boil. “It smells good in here,” Shiro commented. “What did you make for dinner?”

“Tonkatsu and rice.” Shiro felt his mouth water a little.

“Have I mentioned recently how much I love you?”

His mother laughed. She turned back to him and smiled softly, looking over his face. Shiro ran his fingers through his fringe self-consciously.

“What? My hair sticking up?”

“No, nothing’s wrong,” she reassured. “I just…it’s nice to see you again. At home.” Shiro couldn't help but smile back. He would be the first to admit his home life wasn't ideal, but Shiro loved his mom.

His mom laughed softly and shook her head.

“Look at me. I’m getting sentimental in my old age.” She shook her head again before leaning against the island, opposite of Shiro. “So, what’s going on in your life? Anything new?” Shiro shrugged.

“I saw Matt and Allura yesterday for lunch. That was good.” _Aside from my minor panic attack._ His mom smiled knowingly.

“I’ve always liked Allura. She’s got spunk. Pretty girl too.” Shiro barely stopped himself from rolling his eyes. His mom laughed anyways. “Yes, I know. You don't think of her like that. Can you blame a mother, though, for wanting her boy to be dating someone nice? To be happy and settling down with someone nice?”

Shiro could help but think of Keith for a moment. He wondered, if their date went well, if he would one day introduce Keith to his parents. He wondered if they would like him, be happy that Shiro was happy.

His mother smiled, eyes gleaming.

“And what, or should I say who, has put such a sweet smile on my boy’s face? Is there a special someone in your life?” Shiro couldn't help the flush that spread across his face.

“It’s nothing, mom.”

“Oh really? I think that blush says otherwise.” If possibly, Shiro’s face turned redder.

“Mom…”

“Takashi, glad to see you’ve finally joined us.”

Shiro stiffened, then leaned away from the counter. He straightened up and nodded at the man standing in the doorway.

“Father,” he greeted neutrally. His father wasn't smiling, exactly. But he wasn’t…not smiling either, so Shiro figured the visit couldn't go too badly.

His mother glanced between the two men and quietly walked over to the whistling tea kettle. Shiro wanted to be mad, but he understood. If he could escape the barely restrained tension, he would too.

“You finished with the case notes?” Shiro nodded and grabbed his briefcase. He opened it and pulled out a manilla folder, then handed it over to his father. His father stepped more fully into the kitchen and took the folder. He opened it and began flipping through the papers, humming thoughtful.

“HIs testimony is shaky,”Shiro said carefully.His father shrugged as he turns a page. “Maybe he’s—”

“Innocent until proven guilty. That’s how it works in this country, yes?”

“Yes, but—”

“Tea’s ready!” His mom handed Shiro his mug and gave him a strained smile before heading to the dining room. He acknowledged her silent request and took his tea without a word. His father finished scanning the files and closed the folder, laying it on the counter.

“Decent work, Takashi. Maybe there’s still hope for you as a lawyer.” Shiro clenched his jaw and sipped his tea. “But, we can talk about that more later. For now, let’s eat the dinner your mother prepared.”

Shiro sighed and nodded, willing to postpone the discussion.He followed his father out of the kitchen and into the dinning room, where his mother had already laid out steaming plates of food. His father took his typical spot at the head of the table, with Shiro at his right hand and his mother at his left. They passed the dishes silently and served themselves with minimal eye contact. After long minutes of quiet eating, Shiro’s father cleared his throat.

“So, Takashi, what did Matthew want the other day?” Shiro swallowed his bite of pork cutlet and gave his father a puzzled look.

“What?” His father wasn't looking at him, gaze casually fixed on his plate.

“When I called you yesterday, you said you thought I was Matthew. Said he had called earlier. What did he want?” He looked at Shiro now. Shiro shrugged, aiming for unconcerned.

“Oh, he just wanted to know if I had asked out the person I said I was going to.” His father’s eyes narrowed as his mother’s lit up.

“Oh, Takashi! I knew there was someone! What’s her name?” Shiro offered his mom a small smile.

“_His_ name is Keith.” Her eyes widened faintly, but her smile didn't fade.

“Is he nice? How’d you meet?” Shiro rubbed the back of his neck.

“Yeah, he’s nice. We met at a bar, you know The Castle? He’s actually a family friend of the Holts.” Shiro risked a side glance at his silent father. He was staring down at his plate again.

“I thought you were over the gay thing.” Shiro’s hand clenched.

“I told you, I’m not gay. I’m bi.” His father waved his hand dismissively.

“Gay, bi, queer. Whatever they call it these days. I thought that part of your life was over.”

“Well it’s not,” Shiro said tightly. “I’m still bi.”

“Mmh. Don’t see why you can’t just date nice girls.”

“Is it getting serious?” His mom asked, attempting to keep the conversation civil. Shiro couldn't help but chuckle.

“No, we haven’t even gone out yet. We—”

“Good,” his father interrupted decisively. “So about the case notes—”

“What do you mean ‘good’?” Shiro asked, irritation barely concealed. “I’m going out with him on Wednesday.”

“Takashi…” his mother said quietly.

“I mean, good, I’m glad this hasn't gone too far,” he replied, looking Shiro in the eyes. “You may not care about your future, but I do. It’s why I was going to pay to send you to the best university you were accepted in. It’s why I didn't support your decision your plan to get shot at overseas. It’s why I want you here and more involved in the firm. I want what’s best for you. And some boy you met in a bar is not what’s best.”

“You haven't even met him,” Shiro protested. “You don’t know anything about him!” His father rolled his eyes.

“He’s just some hookup, Takashi. I don't need to meet him. I already know him.”

Shiro stood up so quickly his chair almost fell over.

“Thank you for dinner, mom, but I’ll be going now.” He gave her a small nod and stormed out of the room.

“Takashi..!” his mother started to call.

But Shiro was already gone, with the front door slamming loudly behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always thanks for reading :)
> 
> (chapter title from Breathe (2AM) by Anna Nalick)


	4. this is the start of something beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro was freaking out. 
> 
> Internally. 
> 
> Because Shiro was seated in a booth at Altea, pretending to look over the menu instead of staring at his phone. Because it was currently Wednesday at 6:07, and while that wasn't that late, it was late. Because Shiro apparently had no sense of chill or confidence when it came to a certain purple-eyed bartender and was trying to convince himself Keith was just running late, not blowing him off.
> 
> It wasn't working.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess what? you're getting two chapters today instead of one! you're welcome lol.

Shiro paced his apartment angrily. He wanted to call Matt and rant about everything his father had said. He wanted to get back in his car, drive back to his parents’ house, and tell his father how wrong he was about everything. He wanted to yell. He wanted to hit something. He wanted to…

Shiro stopped pacing

He wanted to cancel on Keith.

Shiro swore under his breath before he sat down heavily on the couch, head cradled between his hands.

It wasn't that he believed what his father said about Keith. Shiro had long since learned how to ignore, for the most part, the disapproval of his father. No, they weren’t the problem; _he _was. Shiro had to face the facts. He was a broken solider, short one arm and a couple of marbles. A guy like Keith? Young and beautiful, with his whole life ahead of him? He deserved more than some guy just going through the motions. He deserved someone better than Shiro.

Shiro pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed Matt. He answered on the third ring.

“Hey, man, I love you, but I’m grading—”

“Matt, talk me off the ledge.”

There was a pause, followed by a nervous laugh.

“Uh, literally or…?” Shiro cursed internally.

“I’m gonna cancel on Keith.” Matt let out an almost inaudible sigh.

“Ah. Why?”

“Because I’m stupid and scared.” Matt chuckled, then hesitated for a long moment.

“Look,” Matt said at last, “if you wanna cancel cause you don't think you’re really interested in him, or ready to date, or something like that, then go ahead and cancel. But, if this is just you thinking you aren't good enough for a guy you meet two days ago. then, yeah, you're an idiot.”

Shiro sighed heavily.

“Hey, you know I’m right.”

“Yeah, you are,” Shiro agreed. “Thanks, Matt.”

“No problem, Shiro. Goodnight.”

Shiro hung up the phone, feeling slightly better. He was gonna go out with Keith on Wednesday. This wasn't a big deal. It was just a casual first date with a cute guy he’d met in a bar. There was no reason to freak out about this.

Yet.

***

Shiro was freaking out.

Internally.

Because Shiro was seated in a booth at Altea, pretending to look over the menu instead of staring at his phone. Because it was currently Wednesday at 6:07, and while that wasn't _that_ late, it was late. Because Shiro apparently had no sense of chill or confidence when it came to a certain purple-eyed bartender and was trying to convince himself Keith was just running late, not blowing him off.

It wasn't working.

A waiter came over and offered Shiro a friendly smile.

“Can I get you started with a drink or appetizer? Or are we waiting…?” Shiro forced himself to smile.

“Uh, still waiting, but I’ll take a water for now.” The waiter smiled again and gave Shiro a small nod before walking off. Leaving Shiro to go back to pretending to not be freaking out.

He clutched his menu a little tighter.

The bell above the door rang, signaling a customer, and it took all of Shiro’s willpower not to jerk his head up. He glanced up, over the top of the menu, and couldn't help his sigh of relief.

There stood Keith, red leather jacket, mussed black hair, and motorcycle helmet tucked under his arm. He was saying something to the hostess when his eyes caught Shiro’s. They lit up as he smiled and gestured towards him. The hostess smiled and waved Keith away. Keith walked towards Shiro’s booth, a slight swagger in his step and a small smile on his face.

“Hey,” he greeted as he slid into the seat across from Shiro. “Sorry, I’m late. Didn't realize I was out of gas till I was running out the door. Did you wait long?” Shiro shook his head.

“No, I just ordered a water.” The waiter reappeared, as if he had heard Shiro, and handed him his glass of water.

“Here you are. And anything to drink for you?” he asked, turning to Keith. Keith glanced over the menu quickly.

“Uh, yeah. I’ll take a Coke.” The waiter nodded.

“And do you need a few minutes with the menu?” Both men nodded. “No problem,” the waiter assured. “I’ll grab your Coke and give you a few minutes to decide.”

Then he was gone. Leaving Shiro and Keith alone. Shiro cleared his throat awkwardly and nodded towards Keith’s helmet.

“Uh, so you ride?” Keith nodded.

“Yeah. She’s a piece of junk, to be honest, but I fixed her up myself so I don't have the heart to get something better.” Shiro laughed softly.

“I get that. My first car was an 86 Buick.” Keith winced in sympathy. “She wasn't pretty, but I paid for her myself, only $1,000 and she held a lot of memories. I cried a little when she died.” Shiro shrugged and offered Keith a sly smile. “My next car was a Mazda Miata, softened the blow.” Keith laughed.

“Yeah, I’d imagine it would.” He picked up the menu again and scanned the options. “Man, I’m starving. I was running around all day and missed lunch.”

“Oh? I thought you said you were free today. Did I, uh, did _this_ mess up your schedule?” Shiro asked worriedly. Keith shook his head.

“Nah, my mom just asked if I could run some errands for her, and time just kinda slipped away.” Shiro nodded. Then frowned.

“Wait, I thought you said you know Pidge from school. Didn't you have classes today?” Keith laughed and shook his head.

“Relax, I didn't ditch. I do independent studies. I’m only on campus twice a week.”

“Oh.” Shiro flushed a little, realizing he sounded more like a disapproving brother than a date. Keith laughed again.

“Sorry,” he said in response to Shiro’s curious glance. “It’s just, you look cute when you blush.” Shiro blushed even harder at that. Fortunately for Shiro’s pride, their waiter returned with Keith’s Coke and a notepad.

“You guys ready to order?”

“I am,” Keith said, glancing over at Shiro. Shiro nodded in return.

“Awesome.” Mark flipped to a blank page and looked a Keith. “What can I get you?”

“I’ll take a BBQ burger with a side of onion rings.” he scribbled down his order then turned to Shiro. 

“Okay, and for you?” Shiro hurriedly glanced down at the menu.

“Uh, bacon avocado burger, with fries. Please.”Their waiter jotted down their orders and offered them a friendly smile.

“Alright, we’ll get that out for you as soon as possible.”

Shiro watched for a moment as he retreated to the kitchen before returning his gaze to Keith. He really did look lovely today. His hair was tousled, probably from the helmet, and his red jacket highlighted his lean frame and brought out the color in his face.

“See something you like?”

Shiro started and glanced up at Keith’s smirking face. Shiro’s face grew warm and he glanced away sheepishly.

“Sorry.” Keith laughed brightly and Shiro felt a part of his heart melt. _Oh man, I’ve got it bad._

“I think you're the only guy I know who apologizes for checking out his date,” Keith said, once he finished laughed. Shiro offered a small laugh in return.

“Sorry, it’s, uh, it’s been a while.” Keith took a sip of his Coke and sent Shiro questioning look.

“How long is a while?”

“Uh…high school? Maybe.” Shiro shrugged and didn't meet Keith’s eyes. “I’m pretty rusty.”

“I think you’re doing alright,” Keith said, voice fond. “You know, I don't date a lot either, and I definitely don't date guys I meet at work.”

“No?” Keith shook his head.

“Nope. I’ve got a rule about it.”

“So why did you agree to go out with me?” Keith shrugged.

“A few reasons. Because you didn't try to be suave or cool, and it was refreshing. Because you didn't reek of alcohol and bad decisions. And you're friends with Holt, and I trust him. Because you looked embarrassed when I said you're good-looking as if you don’t know you’re attractive. And because your friend had to come to ask for my number because you were too nervous to do it yourself. Because you seem sweet and I thought, I don't know, maybe I want someone sweet.”

Shiro stared at Keith, unsure of how to respond. It hadn't occurred to Shiro that Keith probably got asked out all the time. That people were always slipping him their numbers and slurring that he should call them sometime. That Keith found Shiro’s awkwardness sweet or refreshing.

“Keith, I—”

Shiro’s phone started buzzing, cutting off whatever rambling reply was prepared to make.

“I’m so sorry,” Shiro apologized, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his phone. His father’s caller ID flashed on the screen.

“Do you need to get that?” Keith asked, taking another sip of his drink. Shiro hesitated, then hit ‘decline call’ before he slipped his phone back in his pocket.

“It’s not important,” he said, taking a sip of his own drink and swallowing his guilt. “I’ve got to say, I’m flattered you decided to give me a chance. I hope I don't disappoint.” Keith winked.

“Me too.” He glanced around the restaurant with a fond smile. “You know I used to work here. When I was fifteen.”

“Oh yeah?”

Yeah,” Keith confirmed. “Only lasted for a week though.” Shiro raised his eyebrows.

“What happened?”

“Apparently bartending is the extent of my culinary skills.” Keith gave a little laugh. “Coran, the manager, said I’m the only employee he’s ever had who set something on fire within the first hour of my first day. Can’t believe he let me stay for the rest of the week. I burned so many meals. ”

Shiro couldn't help but laugh at the mental image of a fifteen-year-old Keith setting fire to some unsuspecting customer’s meal. Keith grinned as if he knew what Shiro was imagining.

“I wasn't banned for Altea though, so I consider that a win.” Shiro shook his head.

“And I though my first job was bad.” Keith noticeably perked up.

“Oh?”

“I didn't destroy anything like _some_ people,” Shiro said teasingly, “but I did call my manager ‘mom’ on accident. Which wouldn't have been terrible, if my manager was a woman. But he was a balding no-nonsense guy, so it didn't go over well.”

Keith’s face turned red as shook with laughter.

“H-how…? H-how does that even happen?” he asked between laughs. Shiro chuckled.

“No clue. I was so nervous and it just kinda slipped out. I’ll never forget the look on his face.”

“Oh, I bet it was priceless.”

“BBQ burger with a side of onion rings?” Both men looked up at the sudden appearance of their waiter. Keith lifted his hand.

“Yeah, that’s me.” The waiter slid the plate in front of Keith.

“And the bacon avocado burger with fries,” he said handing Shiro his meal. “Can I get you guys anything else? Ketchup? Mustard? More drinks?”

“I’ll take another water,” Shiro said.

“And I’ll take some ketchup,” Keith added. Their waiter nodded pleasantly.

“I’ll bring those in just a second.” He rushed off and returned a minute later with a bottle of ketchup and a pitcher of water. After refilling Shiro’s cup, he smiled at them.

“Anything else?”

“No, I think we’re good thanks.” The waiter nodded at Shiro.

“Alright, enjoy.”

Shiro and Keith dug into their burgers happily, and ate in comfortable silence for a few minutes. Keith reached across the table and stole a few of Shiro’s fries with a cheeky smile on his face. Shiro swallowed his bite and gave Keith a serious look.

“That will cost you an onion ring,” he informed Keith, grabbing one off of his plate. Keith grinned as he reached for a few more fries.

“Fair enough,” Keith agreed handing over another onion ring.

“So you know what I do for a living. What do you do?” Shiro swallowed his bite of onion ring and hesitated.

“Uh, I’m helping out my father occasionally with some of his work, but I’m afraid I’m not exactly employed at the moment. I have a few prospects on the table but I’m still muling over my options. ” Keith nodded, but he had an amused smile on his face.

“What?”

“It’s okay if you’re unemployed, Shiro.” Shiro winced at the term. “I work as a bartender while finishing high school, ” Keith continued easily. “I’m not really one to judge.”

“…my father’s offered me a job at his work but I don’t know if I want it.” Keith stole another fry.

“Why not?” Shiro shrugged.

“I’m not that interested in his work. It feels like nepotism, probably because it is. I…I don’t want to feel indebted to him.” Keith nodded.

“Well, I’ll give you the advice my advisor keeps giving me: you’ve got your whole life ahead of you, no need to make major decisions right now.” Shiro snorted at the whimsical tone Keith took on.

“Is that really how he says it?”

“Yup,” Keith confirmed, popping the ‘p’.

“Man, there are very few things I miss about high school, and school advisors are not one of them.” Keith grinned

“Is that when you met Holt? In high school?” he asked, taking a bite of his burger.

“Yeah.”

“God, what was a young Holt like?”

“Interesting.” Shiro took a bite of his burger and tried to remember when he had met his now best friend. “We met in…World History freshmen year. I had just moved to the area, and had missed the first two week of classes. So I came into class and everyone had already found their groups of friends. I didn't know what to do, so I just took the first open seat I saw. I start pulling out my notebooks and stuff, waiting for class to start and I hear this sudden ‘hey!’ in front of my desk. I look up and see this twelve year old standing in front of me, arms filled with books, hair sticking up everywhere, and glasses crooked. And I just stare at him and he says in the most excited voice I’d ever heard ‘you’re new!’ And I nodded and he said ‘that means you haven't had the chance to hear all my jokes yet!’ So the bell rang, he sat down next to me, and spent the entire class period telling history jokes to me.”

Keith laughed and Shiro shrugged.

“He followed me to lunch after that and introduced himself properly, and we’ve been best friends ever since.”

“That sounds just like Holt,” Keith said with a smile. “He catches you off guard with bad jokes and friendship.” Shiro laughed.

“He really does. How did you meet Matt? Through Pidge, I’m guessing?”Keith took another bite of his burger and nodded.

“Yeah, I meet Pidge my sophomore year. I had transferred schools and they made her show me around campus. I commented on her ‘I WANT TO BELIEVE’ pin and she spent the rest of the tour explaining why aliens were basically a scientific fact and didn't actually show me where anything was on campus.” Shiro snickered.

“Like brother, like sister.”

“Yeah, I didn't really care though. She seemed cool and after about two weeks, she invited me over to dinner and I met Holt. He was a little…more than Pidge, but he still seemed cool and obviously loves her a lot, so I was willing to give him a chance. And, I’ll admit, he’s grown on me.” Shiro smiled.

“Yeah, Matt wears people down.” He took a sip of his water then hummed thoughtfully. “Matt was just saying the other day that it’s kinda funny we’d never met.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, but if his math is right, and it usually is, you would have started hanging out with Pidge around the time I was shipped out, so we would never had met.”

Shiro didn't even realise what he had said until Keith raised an eyebrow.

“You served?” Shiro swore mentally. He hadn't planned on telling Keith about his military service, not on the first date.

“Uh yeah.” Keith offered Shiro a slight smile.

“So did my mom. Marines. She completed two tours in Daibazaal and earned herself a Medal of Honor and a Purple Heart for her troubles.” Shiro reached across the table and gently took Keith’s hand without thinking

“She sounds like an impressive woman.” And she did. The Marine Corps had an intensive training program, and few women were able to complete it to the satisfaction of the instructors. For her to complete the twelve week training, two tours, and gain a Medal of Honor meant she must have been a forced to be reckoned with.

Keith smiled, but it looked strained.

“I think she was. I didn't know her well, but my father talked about her as though she hung the moon.” Keith pulled his hand away and laughed nervously.

“So, uh, where did you serve?” Shiro hesitated, but figured after opening up about his mother, Keith deserved a little honesty from him.

“Army. Special Ops. I was halfway through my second tour in Daibazaal when I was honourably discharged.”

Shiro rubbed at his right arm subconsciously. Keith’s eyes followed the motion. He knew. Shiro could see it in his eyes, but he didn't ask questions or offer condolences. Keith just nodded, then took another bite of his burger. Shiro smiled at Keith’s perceptiveness and returned to his own burger.

They finished their meal in comfortable silence, passing each other shy smiles across the table. Their waiter appeared at the side of their table and offered them a smile.

“All finished here?” Both men nodded, and the waiter reached over and collected their plates. “Can I interest you guys in dessert?” Shiro raised an eyebrow at Keith, silently asking if he wants anything. Keith shook his head.

“I think we’re good, thanks.”

“Okay, I’ll bring your check.” Shiro watched their waiter walked away, and tried not to be disappointed that Keith didn't want to stay for dessert. _Did he have a bad time? I thought it was going well._ Keith looked over at Shiro.

“There’s an ice cream place maybe a block away if you want to walk over and grab a scoop?”

Shiro struggled to keep the surprise off his face. Keith huffed a small laugh.

“What? You’re not getting rid of me that fast.” Their waiter returned with their check and offered them both a smile and a “enjoy your night” before leaving.

Both men pulled out their wallets at the same time, then froze. Keith laughed.

“How ‘bout you pay for dinner, and I’ll tip and pay for ice cream?” Shiro thought over Keith offer, then nodded and pulled out his credit card.

After settling the bill, and leaving a generous tip, they left Altea and began the walk to the ice cream shop. Their shoulders and fingers brushed as they walked side by side, and Shiro fought a blush.

_Do I take hold his hand? Is that too forward? _Shiro bite his lip as he battled internally. His debate was interrupted by fingers intertwining with his. He looked over at Keith, who gave Shiro an unsure smile.

“This okay?” Shiro couldn't have kept the smile off his face if he wanted to.

“Yeah,” he assured squeezing Keith’s hand, “it’s okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and for the comments and the kudos and I love you all kay bye!
> 
> (chapter title from This by Ed Sheeran)


	5. baby kiss me before they turn the lights out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So are you just going keep saying ‘me too’ or are you gonna kiss me goodnight?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bet y'all can tell where this is going

Keith looked so lovely, laughing in the lamplight, that Shiro almost didn't mind that Keith was laughing at him.

“All I’m saying is that I was unprepared, okay?” Keith shook his head, still laughing.

“I’ve never seen anyone look so afraid of a five-year-old in my life! She wasn’t gonna bite you!”

_You don't know that, _ Shiro thought weakly, although Keith was probably right. She had just caught him off guard.

Shiro pointed his ice cream cone defensively towards Keith. “I’ve never had to deal with small children attempting to climb me like some jungle gym!” One minute Shiro is smiling as he watches Keith choose between rocky road and bubblegum ice cream, and the next a small child is clinging to his leg with sticky fingers and insisting he pick her up. Keith chuckled and licked his own cone.

“You get used to it,” he said with a shrug.

“I take it you spend a lot of time with children?” Keith shrugged again.

“I have three younger siblings, so yeah, I’m pretty used to the craziness that comes with kids.” Shiro stared at him, mouth open.

“You’re one of four?” he asked in disbelief.

“One of five,” Keith corrected with another lazy lick of his ice cream. “I have an older sister who’s in college at the moment.”

Shiro slumped back against the park bench and tried to imagine living in a house with four siblings, or even just one other sibling. He shuddered.

“I don't think I could do that. Home was hard enough without the chaos of siblings.” Shiro realized his words a second later and glanced worriedly at Keith, but Keith just smiled.

“Yeah, kinda figured you were an only child.”

“Oh yeah?” Shiro asked eyebrow raised curiously. “What gave it away?”

“Aside from your panic in the ice cream shop?” Keith teased, “My old man is really into psychology and sociology, and you fit the stereotype of an only child nearly perfectly.”

“Oh, that’s cool, is that what he does for a living?” Shiro jumped as Keith barked a laugh.

“No, no. Sorry, it’s just, he never went to college,” he explained. “Poor family, could never afford it. He owns his own mechanic shop, taught us everything we know. He just loves reading and learning.”

“Does he ever think about going to school now?” Shiro asked before he could stop himself. Keith didn't seem upset with his prying though.

“Not sure. Whenever we’ve brought it up he just kinda shrugs. But who knows, maybe one day?”

“My mother wanted to be a painter,” Shiro blurted out. “Ever since she was a little girl. She told me that she got in trouble once for painting on her mother’s linen napkins. ‘I still think I made them look prettier’, she would always say laughing at the memory. In the attic, she has all these beautiful watercolors that she had painted when she was younger. Fields, flowers, the oceans, her siblings, her house back in California. They're incredible.”

Shiro glanced at Keith, nervous to see his response to his oversharing. Keith caught his eye and smiled warmly.

“I’m sure they are. Why didn’t she pursue it?” Shiro let out the breath he had been holding and looked away.

“It’s not practical.”

“Art’s not really supposed to be practical,” Keith commented. “Beauty isn't practical per se, but it makes things better.”

“Not to her parents.” Keith hummed thoughtfully.

“That’s a pity. Did you inherit any of her artistic skills?” It was Shiro’s turn to bark a laugh.

“Oh god no! My art looks like it was painted by a ninety-year-old blind dog. Or at least according to Matt…and my high school art teacher.” Keith snorted. Shiro looked over at Keith and smiled softly. Keith had rocky road ice cream smeared around his lips and his hair had lost its battle against the wind that had been hounding them for the last half-hour,but by god he was beautiful.

_I can’t believe I’m here, doing this_, Shiro thought wondrously as he just stared at his date.

Keith glanced over and grinned when he saw Shiro’s stare.

“What? I’ve got something on my face?” Keith stuck out his tongue and tried licking the ice cream off his face, which only made Shiro’s smile grow.

“Here let me…” Shiro grabbed a napkin from his pocket and reached for Keith.

“You gonna lick it off me?” Keith teased, eyebrows raised.

“Not on the first date,” Shiro replied without thinking. Keith laughed, loud and bright.

“Why, Shiro!” Keith gasped, in a mock scandalized tone. “How forward of you! To presume I’d let you lick me on the second date. I am a gentleman after all…I’d wait till the third.”

Shiro laughed at Keith’s flirting and wiped the ice cream off of Keith’s face.

“You’re shameless,” he informed his date. Keith finished the last of his ice cream and shrugged.

“It’s the first time you’ve flirted with me all night, I wasn’t gonna let it pass me by. ” Shiro flushed and rubbed the back of his neck anxiously.

“Sorry, I guess I haven't been that great of a date.”

“Hey, I didn't mean it like that.” Keith shifted his body so he was looking directly at Shiro. “You told me yourself that it’s been a while, and that you’re out of practice, and that’s okay. I was just glad that you felt comfortable enough to flirt a little.” Keith glanced away for a moment. “I…I’ve really had a good time tonight, and…and I like you.”

It may have just been the lighting, but Shiro would have sworn Keith’s cheeks were pink. He took a deep breath, then reached out and took Keith’s hand, squeezing it lightly.

“I’ve had a good time too. Best date I’ve been on in a while. Thank you.” Keith looked back over and smiled. “Do I need to get you home soon?”

Keith pulled out his phone to check the time and sighed.

“Unfortunately yeah. It’s a school night. ” Shiro stood up and offered Keith his hand.

“Well then, let’s begin our extremely slow walk back to the parking lot.” Keith smiled, grabbed his helmet, and took Shiro’s hand.

“You’re cute when you’re confident. You’re always cute,” Keith clarified, “but the confidence doesn't hurt.” Shiro huffed a laugh.

“Good to know.”

***

After forty-five minutes of extremely slow walking and laughing, they did sadly reach Keith’s bike. Keith fiddled with his bike for a moment before turning to Shiro.

“I really did have a good time, Shiro.” Shiro swallowed nervously.

“Me too.” Keith took a half step towards Shiro.

“I’d like to do this again sometime.” Shiro was pretty sure he wasn't breathing.

“Me too.” Keith looked away for a second then looked back at Shiro, a smile dancing on his lips.

“So are you just going keep saying ‘me too’ or are you gonna kiss me goodnight?”

Shiro flushed, but leaned down and pressed his lips softly against Keith’s, and god he was right, those lips _were_ made to be kissed. Keith made a small noise and suddenly there were hands on his face pulling him closer, and Shiro’s arms were wrapped around Keith’s slim waist which was weird cause Shiro couldn't remember moving them, but Keith was kissing back and _oh god he’s good at this._

After a moment, Keith started to pull back. Shiro let out a sound that was definitely one hundred percent _not_ a whimper and leaned forward, trying to catch Keith’s lips again. Keith put his hand out to stop Shiro and chuckled.

“I need to breathe, Shiro.” _Oh. Longer than a moment then._

“O-okay,” Shiro agreed, noticing that he felt a little lightheaded himself. He stared at Keith as he caught his breath, Keith’s chest heaving slightly, lips a little red, and eyes wide. He was smiling softly and Shiro decided he really wanted to kiss Keith while smiling.

“Do you have your breath back?” Keith laughed and nodded, and Shiro quickly leaned down and kissed his smile, once. Then twice. Then once more.

This time it was Keith who protested when Shiro pulled away. He opened his eyes and frowned at Shiro.

“You stopped.” Keith was adorable when he was pouting. Shiro kissed his forehead and smiled.

“You have school tomorrow.”

“I have an idea: you keep kissing me and I don't go to school tomorrow.” Shiro laughed. “I’m being completely serious!”

“You have to go to school, and I have to get home.” Keith’s frown deepened. “But,” Shiro said softly, leaning in so close his lips just brushed Keith’s, “I would much rather stay here and kiss you. All night. ”

Keith whimpered.

“I changed my mind: hot. You're hot when you're confident. And cute. Both are good.” Shiro laughed.

“Goodnight, Keith.” Keith pouted for a moment, but stretched up on his tiptoes and kissed Shiro on the cheek.

“Goodnight, Shiro.”

Shiro watched as Keith climbed on to his bike, started the ignition, and took off out of the parking lot then down the street. Once he was sure Keith was gone, he reached up and touched his cheek, where he swore he could still feel his lips.

***

Across town, a brother and a sister were sitting in the living room, half-heartedly watching a documentary on Mars. The sister was writing a paper on the Cold War while her brother was leaning over her shoulder and offering his completely unwanted input on the paper when he wasn't offering commentary on the program.

“Look, all I’m saying is the Cold War wasn't even an actual war, so it’s stupid that you have to write about it as one of our great national conflicts. Why not the Space Race? At least that was a literal race.”

“Matt, for the last time, I am not going to re-write my ten paged paper just because you don't believe in the Cold War.”

“It’s not a matter of belief, it’s a matter of fact.”

“This from the guy who believes in vampires.”

“Almost all societies have some type of mythology surrounding vampires, Pidge! You call that a coincidence!?”

“No, I call it—”

Buzzzzzzzzz.

Blringggggg.

The Holt siblings glanced at their ringing phones.

“So I guess their date’s over,” Matt said grabbing his phone. “Earlier than I had assumed.” Pidge shrugged grabbing her own phone.

“It’s a school night. Keith is, despite all odds, fairly responsible.” She stood up. “I’ll take it in my room.” Matt nodded.

“ ‘Kay, I’ll stay in the living room then. Good luck.”

“Same to you.” Pidge answered the phone as she walked up the stairs to her bedroom.

“Hey, Keith.”

“HE KISSED ME!” Pidge sighed internally and turned on the coffee pot she kept in her bedroom. This was gonna be a long conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is absolutely the way the Holts interact with each other and it's beautiful and, no I am not taking criticism. 
> 
> Thanks for reading friends! See you Monday!
> 
> (Chapter title taken from XO by John Mayer)


	6. tell me more, tell me more

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, Keith.”
> 
> “HE KISSED ME!” 
> 
> Keith heard an almost inaudible sigh followed by the sound of Pidge’s coffee maker whirling to life.

Keith rode home with a huge grin on his face.

Shiro had kissed him.

Shiro was a _good_ kisser.

Keith grinned wider and turned down his street. He pulled into the driveway and parked his bike. He slipped off his helmet as he walked up and opened the front door.

“Hey guys, I’m—”

“KEITH!” Keith struggled to catch his littlest sister as she launched herself into his arms. “YOU’RE HOME!”

“Yes, and you're heavy,” Keith groaned, staggering forward into the hallway. “And you’re yelling.”

“BECAUSE I’M EXCITED!”

“Bella, please don’t shout, you’ll wake up your father.” Bella gave their mother a sheepish look.

“Sorry, mom.” Their mother walked over and gave Keith a kiss on the cheek.

“How was the date?” Keith struggled not to blush.

“Uh, you know…it was good.”

“Just good?” she asked teasingly.

“Uh…”

“Aww, I can see your blush from here.” Keith looked past his mother to see his sister, Winter, leaning against the wall and grinning.

“Oh, shut up.”

“Did you guys kiss?” a young male voice called from the kitchen. “Because if you did, I don't want to hear about it.”

“Ooooooh!” Bella squealed. “Keith and Shiro sitting in a tree!”

“Nope,” Keith protested loudly, “Absolutely _no_ singing!”

“K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” Bella continued loudly, while Winter and their mom snickered.

“GROSS!” the voice yelled passionately. “Mom, make her stop!”

“First comes looooove, then comes marriage!”

“We have had one date! _One_! There’s no talk of marriage!”

“Not yet,” Winter teased.

“Then comes a baby in a baby carriage!”

“MOM!” the voice begged.

“I hate this family,” Keith moaned. His mom laughed.

“Bella, stop terrorizing your brothers and go get ready for bed.” Bella giggled and climbed down from Keith’s arms. She skipped down the hallway, humming all the while. Their mom turned to Winter next, still leaning against the wall.

“Winter, don't you have homework to finish?” Winter sighed and disappeared around the corner. “And Milo, have you finished those dishes yet?”

“UGGGGGHHHH.” Keith chuckled as he heard the sink faucet turn on. His mom shook her head then turned back to Keith.

“Remind me why I have so many children?” Keith laughed and wrapped his arms around her.

“Because you can’t say no to strays?” His mom huffed a small laugh.

“I’m glad your date went well, sweetie. I’ve got to rush Milo along on the dishes, but you can tell me and your dad about your date in the morning.”

“Alright, mom. I’m, uh, I told Pidge I’d let her know how it went so…” His mom laughed.

“I love that girl. Don’t be up too late talking, it’s a school night.”

“Okay mom, goodnight.” Keith walked down the hall towards his bedroom, stopping in the kitchen to give Milo and Winter a kiss on the head goodnight — which Winter basically ignored in favor of her geometry homework, and Milo whined about — and shut the door behind him before dialing Pidge.

“Hey, Keith.”

“HE KISSED ME!”

Keith heard an almost inaudible sigh followed by the sound of Pidge’s coffee maker whirling to life.

“That does tend to happen on dates,” Pidge informed him.

“It was so nice! We were standing at my bike, and he—”

“Keith, buddy, let’s start at the beginning, okay? Then we can work our way up to the kiss.”Keith forced himself to take a deep breath and sat down on his bed.

“Okay, so I was running late and freaking out about it, because Bella needed my help coloring the solar system and she was insistent that Mars was pink and Milo kept telling her it had to be red and things got heated, so finally I told her to make it red and pink and then I was running out the door and that was when I realized I was out of gas.” Pidge snickered.

“Just another day in the Kogane house.”

“Tell me about it. Anyways, after filling up and running two reds to get to Altea, I was just praying he hadn't thought I stood him up and left.”

“Nah, Shiro would never do that,” Pidge said over what sounded like the gurgling of the coffee maker. “That man is persistent, he would have waited at least an hour.”

“Well, thankfully I was only like ten minutes late, but god, the poor man. He looked so relieved to see me walk in.”

“You tell him why you were late?”

“Eh…I told him about needing gas. He’s an only child so I’ve got to ease him in the chaos, ya know?” Pidge snickered again.

“Anyways, Pidge, he’s so sweet!” Keith threw himself back on the bed and covered his eyes with his arm, grinning like an idiot. “Like, _so_ sweet. He was so nervous when he was talking to me, and got all worried when he thought our date had inconvenienced me. As if I would be mad about our date. Then the man started blushing and, Pidge! He’s _so _cute when he blushes! Then I when I said as much he blushed, even more, and…gah he’s so good-looking! I can’t believe he’s into me!” Pidge laughed again.

“To be fair, he didn't know you during your moody emo phase, so that probably helps.” Keith groaned and sat up on the bed.

“Why would you bring that up? I thought I told you to let that die.”

“Never.”

“You know, you never even ‘really’ knew me during that phase either. I had come out of it by the time we meet.”

“True,” Pidge agreed, “but Winter’s shown me pictures of the eyeliner and black lipstick so I feel like I was there.” Keith groaned and cursed his sister and her camera under his breath. “Plus you still have emo bangs.”

“They aren't emo!” Keith said defensively, scowling even though his best friend couldn't see him. “Look my hair isn't the point here. The point is that Shiro is super cute.”

“Fine. Continue with your explanation of Shiro’s cuteness.”

“I will. So, we talked while we ate, and he told me about his first car, and I talked about when I got fired from Altea,” Pidge snickered at the memory, but Keith ignored her, “and he was definitely checking me out and thEN APOLOGISED FOR CHECKING ME OUT!?!?!?!”

“Keith! Volume please!”

“CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!” he continued as if he hadn't heard her. “HE APOLOGISED FOR CHECKING ME OUT!? WHO DOES THAT?!”

“HIM APPARENTLY!” Pidge yelled back, making Keith wince.

“Okay, sorry,” he said in a more normal tone, laying back down on the bed and staring up at his ceiling. “But seriously, what’s up with that?”

“Who knows? Maybe he got embarrassed about staring?” Keith shrugged.

“It’s possible? He did say that he doesn't date much.”

“Yeah, that’s true. I think I remember him dating two people?” Pidge paused, thinking. “I remember Matt complaining once cause Shiro was going to the movies with some guy on ‘their night’. I think he was in their physics class or something? But I don't know if they were ever really a thing or if it was just a few dates. Oh!And I’m pretty sure when Matt and Shiro met, Shiro had broken up with his girlfriend before moving here.”

Keith hummed thoughtfully. Shiro seemed like the kind of guy who would get a lot of offers. After all, Keith hadn't just been fishing for tips when he said Shiro was definitely the best looking guy in the bar. But, Shiro was almost…shy? He had seemed caught off guard by Keith’s flirting, as if people weren't always telling him how amazing he was, and he was hesitant to flirt back with Keith, as if afraid Keith wasn't going to reciprocate. 

Then again, his dad was always going on about how fascinating it was that people so rarely saw themselves the way they really are. And Keith thought about Shiro’s surprised relief when he entered the restaurant, and his face when Keith had asked him about his time in the military, and his comment about his less than ideal home life that he had _not_ missed, and wondered how Shiro saw himself.

“Hellooooo???? Earth to Keith???” Keith forced himself out of his thoughts and back to the conversation.

“Sorry, Pidge. Lost in thought. Anyways, after dinner, we grabbed some ice cream and, oh my god Pidge!” Keith sat up excitedly, a huge grin on his face.“Okay, so I’m talking to the ice cream girl trying to decide between rocky road and bubblegum, when behind me I hear ‘up!’ So I turn around and there’s this little girl, maybe, I don't know, five or so? and she is standing in front of Shiro, arms up, wanting to be picked up. And he is kinda like ‘uh, no actually uh’ and this child starts to climb Shiro’s leg and repeating ‘up, up!’ and Shiro…” Keith breaks off for a moment laughing. “He’s just frozen with this look of panic on his face, and he’s shaking his leg a little saying ‘no, no’ over and over again until her mom gets her.”

Pidge cackles on the other line.

“Oh my god!”

“I know!”

“I had no idea he was scared of kids!” Pidge snorted. “God, that is _gold_. I’m gonna give him so much shit about that next time he comes over for dinner.”

“Oh yeah,” Keith said, flipping over onto his stomach. “I meant to ask: why have you never introduced us? Here I thought you were my friend, and yet you were hiding this beautiful man from me. Explain yourself.”

Keith swore he could hear her shrug.

“I don't know. I met Shiro right before…” she trailed off uncertainly for a moment.

“Before he was deployed?Shiro mentioned he served.”

“He did?” Pidge sounded surprised. “Shiro never talks about his time in service. _Never. _”

“Well he didn't go into detail,” Keith clarified, “but he told me he had almost completed two tours before being honorably discharged.”

“Hmm.”

“What?”

“Nothing,” Pidge said in a voice that clearly implied it was _something. _“Anyways, Shiro’s been…busy recently and hasn't come around as often, so I didn't really think to introduce you.”

“Okay,” Keith said with a half-hearted sigh, “I guess you're forgiven.”

“Does this mean you're going to tell me how the date ended?” she teased. Keith sat up and beamed.

“Yes! Okay, so we had been at the park and it was getting late so I said it was a school night and I had to get going. Then he stood up and offered me his hand, like a total gentleman and said ‘Well then, let’s begin our extremely slow walk back to the parking lot.’ ”

“Aww,” Pidge cooed, “that’s actually kinda adorable.”

“I know, right?! So we walked super slowly back to the parking lot, like it took us almost an hour cause he kept pretending his shoelace had come undone and need ten minutes to retie it and told me that I looked really cute from that angle and stuff like that, and then we were at my bike. And I really wanted to kiss him goodnight, but I felt like maybe he needed to be the one to do it, ya know?”

“Sure.”

“Yeah, so I just kinda fiddled with my bike for a minute, then I told I had a good time, and he says ‘me too’, and then I say ‘I’d like to do this again sometime,’ and he says ‘me too’. So I look away for a second, realizing he's nervous and that unless I say something, I’m not getting a kiss goodnight.” Pidge snickered.“So I smile at him and say ‘so are you just going keep saying ‘me too’ or are you gonna kiss me goodnight?’ ”

“OH MY GOD, YOU DIDN’T!”

“I WANTED A KISS, PIDGE!”

A loud knock came from the wall across the room.

“TOO LOUD!” Winter shouted.

“SORRY!” Keith lowered his voice before continuing, “So Shiro starts blushing and for a second I think, oh no I’ve embarrassed him and no he’s gonna leave, but then he leans down all slow, like a scene from a rom-com, and kisses me. And oh my _god, _the man can _kiss. _And suddenly there was this noise, which I think might have been me although I don't remember making it, then his arms are wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer, and my hands were holding his face in place, which was a little weird, cause I don't remember moving my hands. And then we’re kinda making out.”

Pidge let out a low whistle.

“Damn and on the first date? You go.” Keith blushed faintly, glad Pidge couldn't see his face.

“Yeah so, uh, I don't think you need all the, uh, details, but uh, it was really nice.” Pidge snickered again. “Anyways, we had to stop because I had school and we couldn't spend the entire night making out, although I did suggest that I blow off school and we continue making out. He vetoed the idea, citing school as a reason to stop, but then the bastard leans in super close as if he were gonna kiss me and says ‘ I would much rather stay here and kiss you, all night’, before pulling back.”

“_Damnnnn.”_

“I know! He said that as if I wouldn't want to drag him back down for another quality make-out session, the jerk! But then we said goodnight and I kissed him once on the cheek, and I left.”

“Wow. Just wow.”

“I know.”

They were silent for a moment, then Pidge asked, “you really like him, don't you?” Keith smiled.

“Yeah, I do,” he admitted softly. “He’s the best guy I’ve gone out with in a while and…I like him.”

“I’m glad,” Pidge said, her smile nearly audible. “Well, I have to finish that history paper, so I’ll talk to you at school, but I’m really glad you had a good time tonight.”

“Me too. Night, Pidge, love ya.”

“Night, Keith.”

Keith hung up his phone, then rolled over onto his back. He stared up at his ceiling, thought about Shiro, and grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kidge friendship is life-giving. 
> 
> Also for anyone reading Keith's interaction with his mom and thinking, "wait what? but Keith said his mom...", I am not confused and you didn't miss something. That's something that's going to be better explained later (and is being hinted at already) For now, I'll just say Keith's mother died overseas but that doesn't mean there isn't a mother in his life. 
> 
> (Chapter title taken from Summer Nights from the musical Grease)


	7. oh i'm a mess right now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Cool. Now spill. From the beginning.” Shiro groaned on the other line. 
> 
> “I was such a mess.”
> 
> “Oh boy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, Matt and Shiro's phone call :)

Matt watched as his sister walked away before answering his own ringing cell, shit-eating grin on his face. 

“So, how'd it go?”

“I KISSED HIM!!”

“WOOHOO!” Matt cheered, laughing slightly. “Way to go, Shiro!”

“Well…he kinda asked me to, but it still counts, right?” Matt snorted.

“Yeah, it counts, you dork. So tell me everything. Unless you guys had sex. Then please skip over those details.”

“Matt!” Shiro sounded scandalized.“We didn’t…It was the first date!” Matt shrugged.

“I wouldn't judge,” he said casually as he grabbed the TV remote and muted the documentary. He then settled on the couch and leaned back against the cushions, smiling excitedly.“So…? Tell me.”

“Hold on, I should add Allura to the call. She’ll want to know too.”

“No way!” Matt protested, sitting upright. “I get to know first! I’m the reason you guys met in the first place, and I’ve known you longer. Respect the best friend rules!” Shiro hesitated on the other line.

“Allura might kill me if she finds out I told you first,” Shiro said, uncertainly. “She did get me his number.”

“If you had really wanted it, _I_ could have gotten it! Come on, bros before ho..wholly wonderful female friends whom I have great respect for and would certainly _never_ call a demeaning name,” Matt corrected hurriedly, hoping Allura hadn't somehow heard him. You could never be too careful with her; Matt was convinced she had some type of all-knowing magic or whatever.Shiro snorted.

“Okay, fine,” Matt said with a huff. “Add her to the call.”

“No,” Shiro said, chucking,“I’ll respect the ‘best friend rules’. Just us.” Matt cheered internally and re-settled into the couch.

“Cool. Now spill. From the beginning.” Shiro groaned on the other line.

“I was such a mess.”

“Oh boy,” Matt said worriedly. “What’d you do?”

“Well, he was running a little late, and I was totally panicking thinking that he had stood me up and by the time he walked in the door I was convinced that he hated me and I would never see him again and I would never date again and I had sworn off love and relationships and I was going to die alone or worse I was gonna marry some socialite my father picked out.”

Matt wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry.

“Shiro…”

“But then he walked in and I felt better.”

Matt facepalmed.

“You’re a mess.”

“I know!” Shiro moaned. “I haven’t done this since high school, and you could tell. _He_ could tell. God!”

“So he walks in late…” Matt prompted, trying to get his best friend back on track.

“Yeah, he said his bike was out of gas, which is why he was late. Then we ordered our food and talked. Then we—”

“Woah, woah, woah!” Matt interrupted, sitting up again. “What happened at dinner? What did you guys talk about? I need details, Shiro, details!”

“Oh, uh, well, I…I asked him about his motorcycle which led into conversations about first cars. Uh, then he told me a little about school, and, oh god,” Shiro broke off with a groan.“I sounded like some disapproving big brother, asking him if he was ditching classes.” Matt snickered.

“Nice one.”

“And then I start blushing, and he, he told me I look cute when I blush, which just makes me blush even more, and it's like, come on! I’m a twenty-five-year-old veteran, I don't blush! I’m not cute! But I could feel my face flushing like some…ugh!”

“Aww, so sweet,” Matt cooed, unsympathetically. 

“I hate you. Anyways, the waiter came to take our order after that, sparing me from greater embarrassment for the moment but then…” Shiro trailed off, and Matt grinned.

“What did you do?”

“He…he caught me checking him out,” Shiro mumbled.

“Ha! Really?!” Matt laughed loudly imaging a blushing Shiro getting caught checking out Keith’s butt.

“It’s not as bad as whatever you're thinking!” Shiro protested as if he could read Matt’s mind. “I was just thinking he’s really pretty. Like he has those big purple eyes and his hair frames his face and looks soft and he looked good in his jacket and—”

“And he totally caught you checking him out,” Matt concluded, still grinning. Shiro groaned, and Matt could have sworn he heard Pidge yelling upstairs.

“He caught me. I tried to apologize, but then he laughed at me for apologizing.”

“Dude, I think you’re allowed to check out your date. You just can’t touch anything without their consent,” Matt informed him.

“I know that! I just, I don't know, when he called me on it I panicked. Honestly, I was a disaster most of the night.”

“Well, he still wanted you to kiss him,” Matt pointed out, “so he either didn't think you were a total disaster, or he _did_ but he found it endearing rather than a turn-off.” Shiro groaned. “What? I’m trying to be positive here.”

Shiro groaned again, a little louder.

“Come on man, how’d the rest of dinner go?”

“…weird,” he said after a long pause. “Not bad weird, just…I told him how we met, then he told me who he met Pidge and that was fine. We also talked about my lack of dating experience, which was less fine, but he told me that he thought I was sweet and that he found it refreshing.”

“You make it sound as though you’ve never dated anyone. You had a girlfriend before I met you, and you dated that guy from our physics class, Aaron?”

“Adam,” Shiro corrected. “And fine, it’s not some much a lack of experience as it is limited.”

“Keith isn't the kind of guy to care about that.”

“I know that, but…” and Shiro sounded frustrated like he couldn't figure out how to tell Matt…something? It seemed important, thought so Matt waited patiently for Shiro to find the words.

“…I want him to date someone who knows what they're doing,” he finally admitted slowly. “He just seems so…so good and there’s just something about him. Like this look in his eye that just makes me want to wrap him up in blankets and keep him safe and give him the world. And I’m just so scared I’m gonna do the wrong thing or say the wrong word or whatever and I’m gonna hurt him cause I’m too fucked up to be doing this.”

“Doing what, Shiro? Going on a date? Flirting? For gods sake, you aren't proposing to him! It’s one date, Shiro.” Matt paused for a moment, debating, before adding, “What are you so afraid of? Really?”

For a long while, Shiro didn't say anything and Matt was worried he had pushed too hard.

“I’m afraid I’m never going to be myself again and all of this is just a waste of time,” he whispered and Matt’s heart broke a little at the fear in his best friend’s voice, desperately wishing Allura was there. Matt wasn't really good at advice, not like Allura. Allura always knew what to say and when to listen and when to give a hug or a comforting hand on the arm. Matt was better at alleviating tension with a joke or stupid quip than being vulnerable, but Allura wasn't here and Shiro needed him.

“I…I don't think any of us are ever going to be ourselves again,” Matt said slowly, trying to choose his words carefully, “but…I don't think that’s necessarily a bad thing. Daibazaal changed us, for better or worse, and there’s no erasing that. But that doesn't mean it broke us. We’re just a little…battered. We aren't starting from scratch, just making repairs, adding in what we learned from the bad and using it for whatever good we can make of it moving forward. And it will take some of us longer than others, and that’s fine too. So…just try to keep walking.”

Silence met him on the other line and for one horrible moment, Matt thought Shiro had hung up. Then he heard sniffling.

“T-thanks, Matt,” and goddamnit, if Shiro was crying, Matt was gonna start crying and then he’d never stop _or_ find out how this date went.

“No, uh, no problem man. Do you…you good?” Shiro gave a little laugh.

“Yeah, I’m good. Uh, should I…?”

“So what else did you do?”

“We went for ice cream and, oh god.”

“What did you do?” Shiro sighed heavily.

“I was watching Keith try to decide between rocky road and bubblegum ice, which really? Bubblegum ice cream?” Matt smiled.

“Keith is a big fan of trying new things.”

“Apparently. Anyways, I’m watching him order and he has this cute look on his face and I was completely distracted when I feel something tug on my leg. So I look down and there’s a little girl in a little jean overalls and blonde pigtails staring at me. And I stare back at her, having no clue what to do, then she moves in front of me, holds up her arms and says ‘up’.”

Matt starts laughing, already knowing where this story is going.

“And I just panicked and started to explain I couldn't do that when she starts _climbing my leg_! And of course by this time, Keith has noticed and he’s just laughing at me as this little girl is climbing me and repeating ‘up, up’ and I’m trying to tell her no while I look for her mom, who is watching me doing absolutely nothing and I looked idiotic.”

“Is it bad that I’m glad you’re bad with kids?” Matt asked. “Like, you're so perfectly at literally everything else, it’s nice to remember you're a human, ya know? Like knowing that Allura sucks at baking?”

“You’re the worst,” Shiro complained, but Matt just laughed.

“Did Keith warn you about his family?”

“ONE OF FIVE?!?!?!?!” Matt pulled the phone away from his ear. “One of five, Matt! I can’t even imagine!”

“I hope you didn't tell him that,” he said once he was pretty sure Shiro was done yelling.

“No, but I’m pretty sure I stared.”

“Honestly, they're all pretty all right. Bella is…a lot if I’m gonna be honest, but come on she’s like five. His other siblings are all pretty cool though, you’d like them.”

“I don't know. Sometimes your family feels big to me,” Shiro admitted.

“Well, it was one date, right? No need to meet the family quite yet,” Matt reminded, trying to calm Shiro down a little.

“You’re right,” Shiro said, and he sounded relieved. “Eventually the mom gathered up the girl, and we got our ice cream and ate at the park. Uh, then we talked a little bit about family—his, not mine—and he told me that his dad’s a mechanic.”

“Oh, yeah, Thace is super cool,” Matt said eagerly. “Really smart and also really good with his machines. He can have a conversation about the probability of pocket dimensions while rebuilding a 69 Mustang engine. I have so much respect for that man.” Shiro whistled on the other line, clearly impressed with Thace’s work, as he well should be.

“Yeah, he seemed really proud of his dad. Oh, and I did mention that my mom had wanted to be a painter.” Matt’s eyebrows shot up.

“Please please please please tell me you told him that you would paint him like one of your french girls,” Matt begged. Shiro snorted.

“God no! You know I suck at painting.”

“You could draw him, then! You’re great at drawing!”

“Matt…”

“No, come on! How great would that be!?” Matt lowered his voice to what he thought was a decent impression of Shiro. “ ‘Keith, stay still, you look beautiful in that light.’ ”

“Oh my god.”

“ ‘Oh Shiro,’ ” Matt cried in a much too high voice. “ ‘It’s beautiful, kiss me!’ ” Matt then proceed to making kissing sounds into the receiver.

“Nope, that scenario is definitely not happening. Nope.”

“You have no sense of romance,” Matt complained.

“And you have no connection to reality,” Shiro countered. Matt shrugged.

“It could work.” 

“Never,” Shiro insisted. “Anyways, we finished our ice creams and we’re walking back to the parking lot and—”

“Did you hold hands?” Matt interrupted.

“Matt…”

“I need to know, Shiro, was there hand holding?”

“…yes. Both to and from the ice cream shop.”

“Yeah! That’s my boy! Get ‘em!”

“Anyways, we got back to the parking lot and I was freaking out because I know that you normally kiss at the end of a date, and I had thought over all the date went pretty well. I mean he did say he liked me, so that’s a good sign right?”

“Usually, yes,” Matt confirmed.

“So we walked over to his bike and he just stood there for a moment fiddling with his bike and then…then he told me he’d had a good time and I said ‘me too’. The he told me that he would like to go out again sometime and I think I stopped breathing and on the inside, I was screaming but I just said ‘me too’ and then he kinda looked away laughing, then asked me if I was gonna kiss him goodnight or just keep saying me too?”

“Damn Keith!” Matt cheered. “Go get your man!”

“So then I kissed him. And he kissed me back, and then we were making out against his bike.”

“Yes!” Matt whooped. “I am so proud of you! You are living the dream!”

“Oh my god, Matt.”

“Was he a good kisser?”

“Dude! Matt!”

“What? I’m not into guys, but you're _my_ guy so I need to make sure you're getting the best. So was he?”

“Yes,” Shiro mumbled. Matt grinned.

“I’m sorry, I couldn't hear you, what was that?”

“I said, yes he's a good kisser.”

“Yeah!”

“Please stop cheering,” Shiro pleaded.

“No way. I’m waaaaay too proud of you. How did you end it?” Matt asked urgently.“Were you smooth? Please tell me you were smooth! Did you drop a cool line?”

“I told him that we had to say goodnight and…”

“Yeah????”

“And when he protested I _almost _kissed him again then assured him I wished I could just stay there kissing him.” Matt whistled loudly.

“God, did that work? Should I try that?” Shiro laughed.

“Well, he whimpered so I think it did. Then we said goodnight, and I called you as soon as I got home. ”

“Oh my god. I could cry. I can’t believe my years of dating advice finally paid off.”

Shiro barked out a laugh.

“Oh really?”

“Hey, I’ve got game!” Matt insisted. “I’ve gone on dates! Girls like me!”

“Don’t worry, Matt, I’m sure girls like you.” Matt shook his head.

“The man goes on one dates he thinks he's some kind of expert.” Shiro laughed.  
“No no, _you're_ the expert, Matt, and I’m _very_ grateful for your wisdom.”

“Damn right.” Matt leaned back again the couch. “So you guys gonna go out again?”

“…god I hope so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Personally, I think Matt gives excellent advice ;)
> 
> Also, Thace dad making an appearance because I loved that headcanon and I miss him. RIP Thace.
> 
> (chapter title from I'm A Mess by Ed Sheeran)


	8. when can we do this again?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Allura, how long do I have to wait before seeing or texting Keith?” 
> 
> There was silence on the other line followed by a long sigh. 
> 
> “Shiro, I was sleeping.”
> 
> “…Matt says it’s two days, does that sound right to you?” 
> 
> There was another long sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember how cute the last few chapters were? yeah, this isn't really one of those chapters, sorry bout it :)

Shiro laid in his bed, playing over his date and conversation with Matt over and over and over in his head.

Keith’s perfect smile.

Matt’s good-natured teasing.

Keith’s lips pressed against his own.

Matt’s terrible dating advice.

Keith’s eyes, dazed and beautiful.

Matt’s shockingly good life advice.

Keith.

Shiro stared up at the ceiling and sighed happily. He couldn't wait to see Keith again. And it had seemed, or at least Shiro hoped, that Keith wanted to see him again.

_Maybe I could stop by The Castle tomorrow_, Shiro thought. _See if he’s free. Or is that too forward? Is there a certain amount of time I’m supposed to wait before seeing him again?_

Shiro frowned as he considered this.

_Matt always says not to seem over-eager, does that apply now? Should I wait a few days to text him? Oh god, what’s the protocol here!?_

Shiro rolled over and grabbed his phone off the nightstand. He unlocked it and clicked on Allura’s contact. It rang three times, then he heard a groggy, “hello?”

“Allura, how long do I have to wait before seeing or texting Keith?”

There was silence on the other line followed by a long sigh.

“Shiro, I was sleeping.”

“…Matt says it’s two days, does that sound right to you?”

There was another long sigh.

“You can text him whenever you want. I wouldn't recommend now, but you can wait a week or first thing in the morning. It doesn't matter, can I go back to sleep now?” Shiro hummed thoughtfully and nodded to himself.

“Okay, tomorrow then. Thanks, Allura.”

“Goodnight Shiro.”

The line went dead.

Shiro put his phone back on the nightstand and stared up at the ceiling.

“Okay, I’ll text him tomorrow,” he whispered to himself. “Just a little ‘I had a good time’ text. Just so he knows I’m thinking about him, in a casual no-pressure kind of way.That’s normal, right?”

Shiro thought carefully before nodding.

“Yeah, that’s normal,”he decided, settling back under the covers. “Tomorrow morning.”

***

Shiro did not text Keith the next morning.

He woke around 9:30 am to a voicemail from his father “requesting” his presence at the office at 10:00 am. That sent Shiro scrambling, trying to tie his tie and brush his teeth at the same time which resulted in toothpaste stains on his dress shirt. Shiro swore under his breath as he changed his shirt and glanced at the clock.His father wouldn't let him hear the end of it if he was late today, especially if he remembered Shiro’s date had been yesterday. Then it would be disapproving comments and pointed looks all day and that was the last thing he wanted today.

Shiro, by some miracle, was nearly on time. Granted, he had not gotten the chance to make a cup of coffee before racing out the door and had run every yellow light he came across, but he was on time and his clothes were clean, which was really the best Shiro could hope for.

He walked briskly down the hall and knocked lightly on his father’s door before letting himself in. His father, on the phone, glanced up briefly at him then glance pointedly at the clock. 10:06 am. Shiro sighed internally and took a seat in the chair across from his father’s desk.

“Do you think I care?” his father asked the man on the other line. “I don't want excuses, I want results. Take care of it.”

He hung up the phone and looked over Shiro carefully. Shiro struggled not to fidget.

“Morning, Takashi.”

“Father,” Shiro replied with a small incline of his head. He stared at Shiro as if making some sort of decision.

“I did not appreciate your behavior at dinner the other night.” Shiro resisted the urge to flinch. “I will not tolerate disrespect in my own home, Takashi. Is that clear?” Shiro gritted his teeth and nodded.

“I…apologise for my rudeness,” he forced out. His father looked at him for a moment longer, then looked back at his desk.

“Good.” He opened a file and skimmed through the papers.“Have you made your decision yet? About my offer?” He didn't even lookup. Shiro swallowed.

“I’m…still thinking it over.” His father glanced up at him briefly before looking down at his papers again.

“I’m becoming impatient, Takashi. It’s a good offer, and one you would be wise to take.”

“I’m not certain I have a…a good head for this business,” he said as diplomatically as possible.

“Really, you always have seemed so…emotional about justice.” He said it as if Shiro were some irrational and overzealous child. Shiro offered him a tight smile.

“Well, there are careers that focus on justice that don’t require me to get a law degree.” His father’s eyes narrowed slightly.

“Hmm. Well, my offer expires at the end of the month, so I’d think fast.” Shiro nodded. “And maybe you should be more involved as you try to think.” _What?_

“What?” Shiro asked as politely as possible. His father nodded to a stack of files sitting on his desk.

“You did a decent job with the last file I gave you, but you seem like you need more practice. I want you to review these files and make a preliminary case for each client. Have the first half ready by next Friday.”

“You’re joking, right?” His pleading eyes were met with indifference. “There must be at least ten cases here.”

“Thirteen actually.”

“That isn't fair!” he protested, trying to keep his anger in check. “I’ll never be able to finish in time! I’ll be lucky if I can finish three by— ”

“Then I hope you’re lucky,” his father interrupted, uncaringly. “You said you need time to think. How better to think than doing? Besides, if you have time to go to bars with Matthew, then you should have more than enough time to think about your future.”

“So I’m being punished for going out with Keith?”

The words just slipped out, but as soon as he said them, he knew they were true. To his father’s credit, his expression didn't change at all. He looked at Shiro calmly and said,

“That would imply I think that Keith is worth getting upset about. That I think he has meaning or importance.”

Shiro’s jaw twitched.

“Father—”

“I want the first case ready by tomorrow,” his father said dismissively. “You can show me what you’ve come up with for your first client, and we can move forward from there.”

“_Father_—”

“Goodbye, Takashi.”

***

“Are you serious?”

“Completely,” Shiro groaned.

“Is that even legal?” Allura asked. Shiro shrugged helplessly.

“I don’t think he cares. Thirteen cases. I have to figure out a defense for thirteen cases. It took me almost two weeks to review one case! But now, I review six by next Friday! And all because my dad can’t get over the fact that I don't want to be him!”

Shiro groaned in frustration and buried his face in Allura’s shoulder. She stroked his hair soothingly.

“America is a strange place,” Allura mumbled and Shiro nodded his agreement. “I thought you had dated guys before and your dad was okay?”

“_One_ guy,” Shiro corrected, voice slightly muffled. “But he went to high school with me which meant he had a decent family name and was rich enough to be acceptable. And according to my father, some guy I met in a bar is not acceptable.”

“That’s so stupid!” Allura complained, voice rising. “This isn't the nineteenth century. Status and gender shouldn't matter, it should be about love!”

“I agree,” Shiro said, sitting upright and slumping his shoulders defeatedly. “But my father has a fairly specific plan for my life, one that I’ve already deviated from pretty drastically. Apparently, my father is tired of that.”

“I’m sorry,” Allura said genuinely, wrapping her arm around his shoulder. “So what are you going to do?” Shiro sighed.

“I don't know. I don’t want to cave, but I’m definitely not going to budge on Keith. I…I like him,” Shiro admitted shyly, “and I want to see where this goes.”

Allure ‘awwed’ and squeezed Shiro’s shoulders.

“So I guess that means I have a very stressful week starting now.”

“And me and Matt are gonna support you every step of the way,” she promised.

“Thanks, ‘Lura,” he said with a grateful smile. Allura returned his smile.

“Now, let’s start with this case,” she said, all business and reaching for the first file in the stack. “I’m assuming these are all defense cases, right?”

Shiro scooted closer and looked over at the file Allura had pulled out.

“Probably?” he said hesitantly, reading the papers carefully. “Okay, here.” He reached into the drawer in Allura’s coffee table and grabbed a pad of paper and a pen. “Let’s do this the old fashioned way. You read and I’ll take notes.”

***

A few hours later, there was a knock on the door.

“It’s open!” Allura called, not moving. The doorknob rattled for a moment before it was pushed open, revealing precariously stacked boxes of takeout food and a disheveled Matt.

“No, I’ve got it guys,” Matt assured as he stumbled through Allura’s front door. “Don’t get up.”

“Okay.”

“Sorry, Matt,” Shiro said apologetically, placing his notepad down on Allura’s coffee table and jumping up to help his best friend. Matt gave him a grateful look as they unloaded the boxes of food on Allura’s kitchen table.

“Thanks, man,” then he added loudly, “you can eat the princess’ portion!”

“Hey!” Allura protested, finally looking away from the case files. “I’ve been helping Shiro with his work!”

“And I’ve made sure none of you go hungry!”

“And I love you both!” Shiro interrupted, not wanting to play referee. “So let’s all take a break and eat some Chinese food, yeah?”

“Fine,” they both mumbled as they joined Shiro at the table. Allura grabbed some napkins as Matt opened the takeout containers and passing out the chopsticks. Shiro’s stomach growled at the smell of food.

“So you guys make any progress?” Matt asked before shoving a bite of chow mein in his mouth. Shiro sighed wearily.

“Some, although I’m not happy about it.”

Spending his Thursday night trying to prove six different guilty people innocent was not his idea of fun. He could have been watching that new detective show, or reading the book Allura had gotten him for his birthday. Or he could be texting Keith and asking—

“Oh shit!” Shiro said, dropping an egg roll in favor of grabbing his pockets in search of his phone.

“What’s wrong?” Allura asked, concern all over her face.

“I meant to text Keith today and because of all _this_ I forgot.” He pulled up his past messages with Keith.

** _To: Keith_ **

** _ Hey Keith, I just—_ **

Shiro glanced up from his phone and looked at his best friends.

“Uh, what should I say? To tell him that I had a good time and I’d like to go out again and that I like him without sounding over-eager or desperate?” Matt snorted. Allura rolled her eyes.

“Give me your phone.”

Shiro obediently handed it over and watched as Allura’s fingers flew over the keyboard, composing a hopefully normal but slightly smooth text to Keith.

“Here,” she said handing him his phone back. “What about that?”

** _To: Keith_ **

** _ Hey Keith, I just wanted to say thanks again for such a good time yesterday. I don't know what your schedule looks like and I don't want to be pushy, but I’d really like to go out again. Let me know when you're free and I’ll plan the date this time :)_ **

Shiro read the message twice, checking for typos and desperation. Finding neither, he nodded at Allura, took a deep breath, and hit send. He stared at his phone for a long minute before forcing himself to put it down and return to his egg roll. He could feel eyes on him and looked up from his dinner to see Matt and Allura grinning at him.

“What?” he asked, unnerved by their smiles.

“You’re just really cute,” Allura explained, “all nervous and excited to text your boyfriend.” Matt nodded in agreement.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Shiro protested, blushing a little. “We’re only gone out once.”

“Next month,” Matt said decisively. “By February you'll be calling him your boyfriend.”

“Nah,” Allura said shaking her head. “I give ‘em three weeks.” Matt’s eyes lit up.

“Is that a bet?”

“Guys…”

“You bet it is,” Allura said, ignoring Shiro. “Twenty?”

“Deal,” Matt said, reaching out and shaking Allura’s hand, sealing the deal. Shiro looked back and forth between his friends.

“I’m sorry, are we betting on my love life?”

“Yup,” Allura said, stabbing her sweet and sour chicken with her chopstick and pointing it at Shiro. “So you better man up and make a move quick.”

Shiro sighed and eat nibbled on his egg roll, and struggled not to stare at his phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading friends! Stay tuned to find out who wins the bet!
> 
> (Chapter title taken from When Can I See You Again by Owl City)


	9. gimme that can't sleep love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That night, Shiro dreamed of war.

That night, Shiro dreamed of war.

He saw himself scouting what was believed to be a shelter for GALRA deserters and refugees. His team, unflinchingly following him inside, unaware their deaths were waiting for them. Matt at his left, a look of grim determination on his face, as if he had somehow already known the outcome

The silence.

Then, the ambush.

Shiro woke up in a cold sweat, gasping for breath. He sat up and looked wildly about the dark room, searching for armed soldiers standing guard as his torturers demanded answers from him. When he realised there were none — that he was home in Arizona, not trapped in an underground facility in Daibazaal — he fell back onto his bed with a gasping sigh.

Six months.

Six months and he could still see their faces at night. Still feel their hands on him. Still remember the pain.

He swallowed the lump growing in his throat and glanced over at his clock.

2:17 am.

He swallowed again and closed his eyes. _Their_ faces came rushing back and Shiro opened his eyes quickly, heart beating fast.

“No more sleep tonight,” he mumbled to himself. He threw off the covers, slipped on a tee-shirt, and grabbed his phone before making his way toward the living room. He plopped down on the couch and turned on the TV to a random channel. It looked like some late-night cheesy rom-com, but Shiro was more interested in a distraction than a decent plotline so he didn't mind. Shiro let the sound of the show wash over him as he pulled up a game on his phone.

He didn't know how long he sat there before a text notification pinged on his phone.

** _From: Keith_ **

** _ Hey Shiro, sorry I’m just now responding to your message. I just got home from work. I had a good time too and I’d really like to go out again. I can do Sunday if that works for you? And I don't have class the following Monday so you can keep me out as late as you want ;)_ **

Shiro read the message to himself and grinned.

“Sunday,” he said to himself. “Yeah, I can do Sunday.”

He started to type out a reply to Keith when a thought occurred to him. Shiro stopped and stared at the phone with a furrowed brow.

_But what should we do?_

Shiro pulled up Google on his phone and tried not to cringe as he typed in ‘good second dates’ into the search bar. He skimmed through some of the articles with minor embarrassment before stumbling upon one that actually seemed good. He smiled as he formed his plan.

** _To: Keith_ **

** _ Hey Keith, Sunday sounds great to me! Quick question though: how do you feel about rollercoasters?_ **

The reply was almost immediate.

** _From: Keith_ **

** _ I LOVE them._ **

Shiro beamed.

** _ To: Keith_ **

** _ Great! Should I pick you up around 12?_ **

** _ From: Keith_ **

** _ Sounds perfect. I’ll text you my address._ **

** _ From: Keith_ **

** _ 1984 W Lion Ave_ **

Shiro smiled at the message, feeling incredibly proud of himself. _See, I can do this_, he thought. _I can plan a date without panicking. Everything is fine._

** _From: Keith_ **

**_ By the way, what are you doing awake? I mean, I know why _I’m_ awake, but what’s your excuse?_**

Everything was not fine.

Shiro was in no shape, way, or form ready to answer this kind of question. He fingers faltered over the keys.

** _To: Keith_ **

** _ Couldn't sleep. I thought some TV might help._ **

It wasn't exactly the truth, but it wasn't exactly a lie either. Shiro bit his lip, waiting for Keith’s reply.

** _From: Keith_ **

** _ Anything good on?_ **

Shiro sighed in relief and looked up at the TV, trying to figure out was happening so he could give Keith an honest answer.

** _ To: Keith_ **

** _ Not really. It’s some rom-com with that one blonde girl who's in everything. I honestly have no idea what’s happening right now, but I know her current boyfriend is a jerk based on his haircut._ **

** _ From: Keith_ **

** _ LOL why can I perfectly picture this dude’s hair?? Like I can see his haircut so clearly in my head?? How the hell??_ **

Shiro laughed quietly.

** _To: Keith_ **

** _ We’ve all met that guy. We all know his haircut._ **

** _ From: Keith_ **

** _ Stop! I’m gonna get in trouble for laughing too loud!_ **

Shiro bit his lip, hesitating for a moment.

** _To: Keith_ **

** _ But I like your laugh._ **

Shiro waited anxiously for Keith’s reply. After all, he had said Shiro was cute when he was confident but it was hard to feel confident when all Shiro could think about was coming on too strong and scaring Keith off.

** _From: Keith_ **

** _ Great. Now I’m blushing._ **

** _ From: Keith_ **

** _ You have a nice laugh too._ **

** _ From: Keith_ **

** _ I think I’d like to kiss you while you were laughing. It might be nice._ **

Oh god. Now Shiro could feel his face grow hot.

** _To: Keith_ **

** _ I think I would like that too._ **

** _ From: Keith_ **

** _ Well, sounds like we have a few things to look forward to on Sunday ;) I’ll see you on then. Goodnight, Shiro_ **

** _To: Keith_ **

** _ Goodnight, Keith._ **

Shiro smiled softly at his phone for a moment before standing up. He turned off the rom-com and made his way back to his bedroom. As he climbed back into bed, he smiled to himself and as he drifted off he hoped that, just maybe, his dreams would be filled with purple eyes and laughing lips.

***

Keith laid in his bed, smiling stupidly at his phone.

“Shiro thinks I have a nice laugh,” he whispered to himself, smile widening.

He rolled over, buried his head in his pillow, and squealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter still feels like a filler chapter, but every time i try to make it longer it just seems wrong, so sorry about it. hope you liked it anyways
> 
> (chapter title taken from Can't Sleep Love by Pentatonix)


	10. just sit down, take it slowly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So he’s meeting your family?”
> 
> Keith froze. 
> 
> It had not occurred to Keith that Shiro coming to his house to pick him up, might involve a family introduction. 
> 
> “Oh shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M LATE!!! I am sooooo sorry, I didn't even realise I missed a post day. To make up, I'll give you two chapters today. Again, so sorry
> 
> TW: panic attacks

“Circumstantial?”

His father glanced up at Shiro, eyebrow raised curiously. Shiro shrugged, aiming for casual.

“I don't have to prove him innocent. I just have to cast a shadow of doubt.” His father huffed a laugh, amusement on his face.

“Clever boy,” he commented dryly before returning to the case files.“Have you arranged for a meeting yet?”

“No, I plan on contacting him Monday.”

“Why wait?”

Shiro hesitated for a moment.

“I have plans for the weekend that I would like to keep.”

His father put down the files with a heavy sigh.

“You’re going to see him again.”

Shiro just barely managed not to shrink in on himself, like when he was a small boy terrified of disappointing his father. Instead, he met his father’s eyes and said,

“Yes, on Sunday.”

And if his heart beat a little faster at the dark look in his father’s eyes, well no one needed to know.

“You know how I feel about this fling.” Shiro clenched his teeth.

“This is not a fling. This is a few dates that I’m hoping will lead to a real relationship.”

“Hm.”

_I’m an _ ** _adult_ ** _ goddamnit! I _ ** _don’t_ ** _ need your permission to be bi, I _ ** _don't_ ** _ need your approval to date a guy that I’m a little bit crazy about, and I _ ** _don't_ ** _ need you to give me _ ** _that_ ** _ look as if all I ever do is disappoint you!!_

Shiro wanted to scream. To throw something. To rip those stupid files out of his father’s hands. Anything to get some sort of reaction for his uncaring father and make him _look_ at him for once in Shiro’s life.

But he didn’t. Instead, Shiro took a deep breath, unclenched his fists, and said calmly, “So I’ll contact the client on Monday, schedule a meeting, and let you know how it goes.”

His father waved his hand dismissively.

“Fine fine. You have five other cases to prepare by next Friday. Remember that.”

Shiro didn't reply. He simply nodded to his father before making a calm and collected retreat from his office. Once he entered the elevator and the doors slid close, Shiro covered his face and breathed heavily into his palms.

“What’s it like having a normal family?” he asked the empty elevator. The elevator dinged, announcing his arrival to the lobby. He breathed one more sigh and lowered his hands, and walked out of the building with more confidence than he possessed.

***

Keith hummed to himself as he mopped the floor. He could feel Kolivan’s stare, but Keith didn't say a word. Kolivan could stare all he wanted; nothing was going to damp Keith’s good mood.

“So…you’re humming,” Kolivan stated cautiously.

“I have a date on Sunday,” Keith informed his boss. “I think I have a right to be happy.”

“The man from before? Who you met here?”

“Yup. Shiro.”

“Hmm.” There was a beat of silence. “He’s older, isn't he?” Keith rolled his eyes.

“A few years, yeah. But he’s a friend of the Holts, so I trust him.”

Kolivan’s relief was a tangible thing, and oddly touching. Keith had known Kolivan for years and had learned that the often stoic man struggled to express his feelings, but that didn't mean he didn't care. In fact, Kolivan cared very deeply, not just for Keith, but the whole Kogane family. It was almost comical to see the serious and intimating bar owner wearing a pink crown and pouring tea for “Princess Bella” when he came over to the house.

“The Holts are good people,” Kolivan said approvingly, patting Keith on the shoulder. “I hope this Shiro proves to be a good man. And if he doesn’t, you know I will take care of him for you.”

“He is a good man, but thank you, Kolivan,” Keith said sincerely. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

They worked in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, Kolivan checking inventory and Keith mopping the floor, still humming quietly under his breath.

“What are you doing?” his boss asked suddenly. Keith glanced over at him and gestured to the mop. “No, for your date I mean,” Kolivan clarified, “what are you doing?”

“Oh,” Keith said, resuming his mopping. “I think we’re going to Castles N’ Coasters. He asked if I like rollercoaster then told me he'd pick me up on Sunday, so I’m assuming that’s what we’re doing.”

“Wait…he’s coming to the house?” Kolivan asked, sounding slightly surprised.

“Yeah, he’s picking me up.”

“So he’s meeting your family?”

Keith froze.

It had not occurred to Keith that Shiro coming to his house to pick him up, might involve a family introduction.

“Oh _shit._”

***

“Why we’d love to meet Shiro!” his mother exclaimed excitedly.

“Mom, no!” Keith protested. “You _can't _meet Shiro.”

“Why not?” Bella piped up. “I wanna meet him!”

“_Because_,” Keith explained with exasperation, “it’s only our second date! And Shiro is an only child! I don't want to freak him out.”

“I’m with Keith,” Winter chimed in, pushing her peas around her plate with a knowing expression. “If he meets Milo right off the bat, he’s gonna bolt. We gotta ease him into the little geek.”

“I’m not talking to you for the rest of the night!” Milo informed Winter angrily.

“Fine by me.”

“I’m meeting him though, right Keith?” Bella pleaded. “I want to show him my dolls!”

“Bella—”

“Pllllllleaseeeeeee!”

“I’m home!”

“Daddy!”

Bella launched herself from the table and straight into her father’s arms as he walked through the door. He grunted at the impact but lifted her up and onto his back.

“Hey, lovely girl.”

“Daddy, tell Keith he has to let us meet Shiro.” He raised his eyebrow as he made his way to the kitchen table.

“You guys are going out again?” he asked Keith as he lowered Bella back into her seat.

“Yeah, but he’s just coming over to pick me up. That’s _all_.” Thace nodded thoughtfully.

“It’s only the second date, right? No need to overwhelm the boy quite yet.”

“_Thank_ you,” Keith said, glancing over at his mother. She rolled her eyes at him but smiled.

“Okay, fine, your dad’s right. There will be time to meet him later.” She leaned over and kissed her husband on the cheek. “How was work?”

“Busy. I’m glad to be home. How was everyone’s day?”

“I’m not talking to Winter for the rest of the night,” Milo said matter of factly. Thace shot his older daughter a questioning glance from across the table.

“Oh, really?”

“Really,” Milo said decisively.

“He’s just overly sensitive,” Winter defended with an eye roll.

“And she’s just mad that I’m smarter than her.”

“You are not!”

“Are too!”

Thace watched the bickering siblings for a minute before glancing over at Keith.

“Maybe I’m not glad to be home,” he mumbled tiredly, earning a small smile from Keith.

“Both of you are clever,” he interjected a little louder. “Now please eat the delicious dinner your mother prepared before it gets cold.”

Keith smiled to himself as his siblings shot each other glares before reluctantly returning to their dinner. The rest of the meal passed in relative calm (minus Bella spilling her water on Milo’s lap, causing him to demand Bella start using a sippy cup again and Bella to declare, at the top of her lungs, she was no longer a baby). Keith helped clear the table after dinner before retreating to his bedroom to work on some homework.

It wasn't long before there was a gentle knock on his bedroom door.

“It’s open,” Keith called, not looking up from his laptop. His door creaked as it was pushed open, revealing Thace standing in the doorway.

“Hey, Keith, whatcha working on?” he asked, making his way over to Keith’s bed.

“Just getting a head start on Linder’s research paper. I’ve got some time, so I’m just checking out some topics.” Thace nodded.

“That’s good. I’m glad you're getting ahead.” He hesitated a minute before asking, “So things are going well with Shiro?”

Keith shrugged and hoped he wasn't blushing.

“I mean we’re only going on our second date. Nothing too serious right now.”

“Still, you haven't dated anyone since we moved,” Thace pressed. “I’m glad you like him.”

Keith couldn't help his smile.

“Yeah, I do.” He shifted slightly so he was facing Thace, eyes serious and genuine. “Thanks for calming everyone down earlier. I’m…I’m just not ready for everyone to meet him yet.”

“Of course, Keith. If things go well, we’d love to meet him, at some point. But not till you give us the okay.”

“Thanks, Thace.”

There had been a time when Thace had frowned when Keith called him by his first name, but not anymore. Thace understood how hard this had all been for Keith, how hard it _still_ was for Keith. He understood when Keith called him ‘Thace’ it wasn't meant with any disrespect or anger. Instead, it was his way of showing his care and admiration for the man who had stepped in as a father figure for a scared and angry ten-year-old.

“It’s no problem, Keith.” He gave his son a sly smile. “I would like to hear about that first date though.”

Keith’s ears burned.

“I don't need all the details,” Thace assured, hastily. “I’d just like to hear it from you if you aren't opposed.”

“Uh, okay,” Keith agreed, face on fire. “Well, I showed up a little late…”

***

Shiro pulled up to the house he hoped was Keith’s and took a deep breath. And then another. And then one more for good measure.

“Everything is gonna be fine,” he told himself as confidently as he could manage.

He didn't believe himself.

Matt and Allura had come over yesterday to help Shiro pick out an outfit for his date.

Well, technically Matt had come over to grade quizzes and watch Star Trek and Shiro had mentioned off-handedly he didn't know what to wear for his date, so Matt suggested Shiro show him a few outfits while he graded. Then Allura texted Matt and asked what they were doing and when Matt told her he was helping Shiro pick out clothes for his date with “his hot bartender” (much to Shiro’s embarrassment, because ‘do we really have to call him that? And you actually know him!’ ), Allura informed them she was on her way over because Matt has the worst fashion sense ever and what was Shiro even thinking to come to him for advice?!

And as Shiro was forced to parade through his apartment in different shirts and jeans Allura asked, “So are you guys meeting at the park?”

“No,” Shiro called from his bedroom, pulling on a different shirt. “I’m picking him up at his house.”

“Wait what?!” Shiro poked his head out of the bedroom and gave Allura a worried look.

“What’s wrong?”

“You’re going to his _house_? Shiro, don't you know what that means?!”

“Shhh, I’m grading here!” Matt complained.

“You haven’t touched a single quiz in fifteen minutes,” Shiro said dismissively.

“I’m grading the scientific plausibility of this episode,” he corrected without missing a beat.

“Current score?” Allura asked, glancing at the screen.

“87%.”

“Really?…no, wait!” Allura said shaking her head. “Don’t distract me. Shiro,” she said refocusing her attention,“you're going to his house. That means you're gonna meet his _family_.”

Shiro stared at her, colour draining from his face as her words sunk in.

“Oh god,” he breathed, gripping the doorframe. “Oh _god_.”

“Uh oh.” Matt paused his show and rushed over to Shiro. “Shiro, buddy, stay with me.”

Shiro nodded, but he was not with Matt. He was at Keith’s house, standing in the doorway and meeting Keith’s dad and four siblings. His dad who could immediately spot every flaw Shiro had and scoffed. His siblings who stared at his arm and asked intrusive questions about his service. And Keith looked embarrassed, realising his mistake and wishing he had never give Shiro his number.

“—the, Shiro, just breathe, okay?”

Shiro gulped in as much air as he could and opened his eyes. He could see Matt just a few feet away, eyes panicked as he gripped Shiro’s shoulder as if trying to ground him in reality. Just behind him, he could see Allura, posture worried and guilty.

“You with me, Shiro?”

Shiro nodded again, but thought he meant it this time.

“M-matt?” he croaked. “I don't think I’m ready to meet Keith’s family.”

Matt stared at his as though he had grown a second head, then barked out a laugh.

“I think you're right, buddy. And you know what else?” Shiro shook his head. “I don't think Keith is ready for you to his family either.”

“Real…really?” he asked hopefully, still struggling to get in a full breath.

“Really,” Matt confirmed. “Keith is actually a pretty private person when it comes to his home life, so he wouldn't want you guys all introduced on the second date. That would feel way too fast for him.”

“Shiro?” Shiro looked over to Allura, who was hesitantly making her way over to him. “I’m so sorry. Apparently, I’m the absolute worst at making you overthink things.”

Shiro couldn't help but laugh.

“Actually,” he said, reaching out and grabbing her hand, “I think it’s kind of a good thing. You make me think and realise what I’m scared of, or not ready for. If it wasn't for you, I might try to push myself to do thinking I need to be normal. You make me take a step back.”

Allura blinked back tears and pulled Shiro into a tight hug.

“I love you so much and I’m still really sorry and also that shirt looks awful with those jeans. Don't you dare wear that tomorrow.”

Shiro was not wearing the rejected outfit and was trying to focus on Matt’s assurance that this was not a “meet the parents” sort of thing, but he could still feel anxiety bubbling just below the surface.

“Everything is going to be fine,” he repeated firmly and climbed out of the car.

He looked over Keith’s house. It was…homey, he guessed. A little small for a family of six, but he supposed his house was a little big for a family of three. Still, the yard looked decently maintained and the red front door, although chipped, felt inviting. He took one more breath before walking up the driveway and knocking on the red door.

Inside he heard the sound of someone running, followed by a loud and sharp cry of “Bella, don't you dare!” The door opened a crack before being slammed roughly.

“Keeeeith!” he heard a child cry.

“Bella,” came a deep voice, “leave your brother alone.”

Shiro could hear some mumbling before the door opened again, wider this time, and a flushed Keith appeared in the door frame.

“Hey, ready?”

Shiro nodded and gestured towards his car. Keith yelled back towards the house, “I’ll see you later,” before shutting the door and walking with Shiro to his car. Shiro held open the passenger door and received a warm smile from Keith as he slid into the car. Shiro climbed into the driver’s seat and directed his car out of Keith’s neighbourhood and onto the main road.

They sat in silence a few minutes before Keith blurted out, “I’m sorry about earlier.”

Shiro shot Keith a quick glance.

“The, uh, the yelling,” he explained. “They just really wanted to meet you, especially Bella, but I thought it was too soon, so I told them, no, but Bella’s persistent and—”

“It’s okay,” Shiro assured. “I would have done the exact same thing if my parents wanted to meet you.”

Keith let out a sigh of relief.

“Good.” Shiro could feel Keith’s eyes. “Also, you look really good,” he complimented. Shiro struggled to hid his smile.

“Thanks. You don't look so bad yourself.”

“I know.” Shiro snorted and shook his head.

“So that’s how it’s gonna be, huh?” he asked playfully.

“Looks like it,” Keith confirmed with a cheeky grin.

“Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love keith's family. just wanted to throw that out there. love 'em
> 
> Thanks for reading, and I'll post the next chapter today because i'm still sorry
> 
> (Chapter title from Father and Son, by Cat Stevens....pretty fitting if you ask me)


	11. i wanna hold your hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith wanted to grab his hand the next time their fingers brushed and hold it tight. But he didn’t, for the same reason he hadn't reached across the console during the drive and intertwined their fingers. 
> 
> The prosthetic arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: this is the fluffiest thing I've ever written

Castles-n-Coasters wasn’t as busy as Keith might have expected for a Sunday afternoon. They found parking pretty easily and the crowds making their way towards the entrance didn't feel overwhelming. That didn't mean, though, that Keith and Shiro weren't pressed close together, shoulders bumping and hands occasionally brushing. Keith wanted to grab his hand the next time their fingers brushed and hold it tight. But he didn’t, for the same reason he hadn't reached across the console during the drive and intertwined their fingers.

The prosthetic arm.

Keith didn't care. He really didn’t. He was dating an ex-soldier who had been honourably discharged. It wasn't hard to put the pieces together. But Keith _didn't care. _If it really had bothered him, he wouldn't have agreed to go on a second date.

But Shiro cared.

That much was obvious, from the way Shiro subconsciously hid his hand to the way Shiro had purposefully walked on Keith’s right side, and even though Keith wanted nothing more than to prove to Shiro he didn't care, he didn't want to scare Shiro. So instead, he bit his lip and let their fingers brush.

Shiro led them to the ticket booth and greeted the saleswoman with a smile.

“Hi there, two tickets please.”

“Okay,” she said, punching some numbers into the cash register, “with our special Sunday pricing that will be $40, please.”

Keith reached for his wallet, willing to pay his portion, when Shiro pulled out something that looked a little like a licence.

“Actually, I, uh, I have this,” Shiro said hesitantly as he handed the card over to the woman. She examined the card and her eyes widened.

“Oh. Oh! Yes of course, okay. One moment.” She turned back to her register. Keith raised an eyebrow at Shiro, but he either didn't notice or pretended not to. “Okay, so the price is now $30 total.”

Shiro handed over his credit card before Keith could protest and the woman handed over their tickets.

“Here you are. Enjoy your day at Castles-n-Coasters. And, uh, thank you for your service.”

Shiro ducked his head slightly but gave her a polite smile.

“What was that card?” Keith asked once they were inside the park.

“It’s my ID card,” he said, voice tight as he scanned the crowd and carefully avoided Keith’s eyes. “It says I’m a veteran. Most places offer some kind of discount or something to veterans, but, uh, I don't really use it.”

“Is that why you're wearing your dog tags?”

The words slipped out and Keith could have kicked himself as he watched Shiro’s hand reach for the chain around his neck that disappeared beneath his shirt.

“I’m, I’m sorry,” Keith stammered. “I don't know why…it’s none of my business. I shouldn't have…I’m sorry.”

Shiro didn't say anything, but his shoulders were tense as he continued to survey the crowd.

“It’s okay,” Shiro said after a minute, slowly and quietly. “I..if I’m going to date you, I guess I should expect this, right?”

“No!” Keith said quickly. “I mean, yeah I have some questions, and I’m probably gonna say some stupid insensitive stuff, but you don't have to talk about it or answer. It was _your_ service so you get to decide if and when you want to talk to me about it. I’m sorry for…being stupid.”

Shiro finally looked at Keith and offered him a small smile.

“It’s okay,” he said again. “So what do you want to do first?”

Keith looked around them, taking in the attractions. His eyes lingered on one in particular and he grinned.

“Desert Storm,” he said gleefully. “_If_ you think you can handle it.” Shiro laughed, picking up on the challenge in Keith’s voice.

“Desert Storm it is.”

They got into the line, which was thankfully moving at a moderate pace, and Keith watched the rollercoaster passing overhead with growing excitement.

“You’re a bit of an adrenaline junkie, aren't you?” Keith glanced over to see an amused look on Shiro’s face. Keith shrugged.

“I’m not about to jump out of a building for the thrill of it, but…” he trailed off, not really denying the accusation. “What about you?”

Shiro’s smile grew.

“I enjoy a good head rush.” Keith huffed a laugh.

“And how do you get yours? Aside from amusement parks, that is?” Shiro shrugged.

“I don't really. I did fly once and that was amazing, but I never pursued it.” Keith blinked.

“Flying? Like you were a pilot?”

“Not exactly. I have an old friend of the family who was a pilot and let me take his plane out for a test ride. Probably not the best decision ever,” Shiro admitted, “letting an untrained sixteen-year-old fly a plane, but it was incredible. After that, I wanted to join the Air Force, but the man I talked to at the recruitment office told me to consider the Army’s special ops. And the rest is history I guess.”

“Wow,” Keith said with a low whistle. He tried to imagine a young Shiro in the cockpit, maybe gripping the controls a little too tight as he coaxed the plane into the air, grinning broadly all the while. “I bet that was amazing.”

“It was,” Shiro agreed, smiling softly. They shuffled forward a few feet as the line moved. “So you’ve been here before?”

“Maybe twice before?” Keith said thoughtfully. “I have a pretty vague memory of riding the carousel when I was little. And I came to Pidge’s birthday party here once. But I seriously loved it.”

“Is this one your favourite?” Shiro asked, nodding towards the rollercoaster. Keith grinned.

“No, my favourite is Skydiver. I just wasn't sure if you were a big fan of free-falling so I decided to hold out.” Shiro laughed.

“Why am I not surprised. We can go on it next if you want.”

“No, I chose the first ride, you should choose the second,” Keith protested.

“Keith, I chose the location of the date. I think it’s okay you choose two rides in a row.”

“Nope, sorry, you aren't gonna win this one, Mr. Only Child. I’m one of five remember? The only way we get anything decided is by taking turns.” Shiro sighed dramatically, but he was still smiling.

“Fine, then for the next ride, I pick…Skydiver.”

“Hey, you can’t cheat the system!” Keith protested, fighting back his grin.

“How do you know this is about you? Maybe it’s my favourite ride in the whole park. Maybe I just wanted to ride it anyways. ”

“Did you?”

Shiro hummed noncommittally, taking a few steps forward.

“Guess you’ll never know.”

“You’re the worst,” Keith informed him, still fighting back his grin. Shiro just grinned.

“Next riders!”

“After you.” Keith winked at Shiro as he gestured for him to move ahead. Shiro rolled his eyes good naturally as he followed the park attendant to their row, Keith trailing close behind. He looked over at Shiro.

“You ready?” Shiro gave Keith a cheesy thumbs up accompanied by the cheesy smile he had ever seen.

_Damn it, he’s adorable._

The gates opened and they quickly climbed into their cart and pulled their lap bars up, waiting for attendants. They made a quick check of the bars before giving the all-clear, and the car pulled forward. Keith glanced over at Shiro and gave him a cheeky grin as they made their steady climb.

“You can hold my hand if you get scared,” he informed his date. Shiro rolled his eyes, but right before they tipped over the edge of the drop, Shiro’s left hand found Keith’s.

Keith managed to scream and smile the entire ride.

“That was awesome,” Shiro told Keith as they exited down the stairs. Keith nodded in agreement.

“Gotta love those loops.”

“Okay, so Skydiver next?”

“Really, Shiro, we don't have to ride it now just because I want to. We can go on it later.” Shiro scratched the back of his neck, expression sheepish.

“Well…okay, I’ve gotta be honest with you. I…I’ve never actually been here before. I wasn't even expecting you to text back, but then you did and I didn't actually have a plan. So I was just trying to think of something that might be fun for a second date and after googling ‘good second dates’, I read some dating articles that told me to try an amusement park and then I stumbled upon this place. I checked out a few of the rides online, just to make sure it actually looked fun, but I have no idea what’s a ‘good ride’. I don't think I’ve been to an amusement park since I was five.”

Keith could only stare at this utterly beautiful and ridiculously precious man that he was lucky enough to be on a second date with.

“You…” Keith trailed off, shaking his head fondly and fighting back a laugh. “You absolutely ridiculous man.” He stretched up on his tiptoes and kissed Shiro briefly.

“Uh…” Shiro said dazedly. Keith smiled.

“You are incredibly sweet, but we don't have to just go on the rides I want to go on.”

“But, I don't know the rides and—.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Keith insisted. “What kind of rides do you like? What sounds fun? Cause I guarantee this place has it, or at least something similar.” Shiro hummed, appearing to really consider the question.

“I like bumper cars?” Shiro said hesitantly. “I know it’s not for adults, usually, but it’s still fun right?”

Keith’s heart was currently a puddle on the floor.

“Yes, Shiro, bumper cars are, in fact, awesome. They don't actually have ‘bumper cars’ here, but they have the next best thing. Come on,”—and in a moment of either great stupidity or stubborn bravery or maybe both, he reached out and grabbed Shiro’s right hand— “follow me.”

He heard Shiro’s sharp inhale as he tugged Shiro along behind him and almost dropped his hand. He glanced over his shoulder, apology ready, but Shiro wasn't looking at him. Instead, he was staring down at their intertwined fingers as if they were something miraculous. Keith looked forward again and led the way towards the next ride, smiling like a lovesick idiot the whole way.

***

Shiro trailed after Keith in a daze, eyes focused on their hands.

Keith was holding his prosthetic hand. The hand that he had insisted be made of metal, not a flesh imitation (because it wasn't real and he didn't want to lie to others or himself). The hand that reminded him of pain and torture.The hand that Shiro hated to look at for too long. Keith was holding it as if it were the most natural and normal thing in the world.

As if _Shiro_ were normal.

He wanted to pinch himself to see if this was real, but that would mean releasing Keith’s hand and…Keith’s hand was warm. He knew that, while his prosthetic arm was made with the newest technology available, he couldn't technically feel Keith’s hand, not really. He knew Keith’s hand was there, could feel the solid weight of it, but there weren't any nerves or sensors in the metal fingertips; they were functional, not real.

But…_warmth_ radiated from Keith’s hand, Shiro was sure of it. And his hand looked small and delicate compared to his own. He wanted to stop Keith, right there in the middle of the walkway, turn his hand over, and explore.

Run his fingers across Keith’s palm to discover if it was as soft as it looked, or maybe a little rough and calloused from working on his bike. Then maybe travel to his pale wrist and trace over the blue veins. Follow them up his arm, feeling the muscle that he was sure he’d find hidden under his red flannel. Continue to his delicate collarbone, maybe tasting or biting, then pressing into the marks just to watch Keith squirm. Maybe mirroring the path on both arms with both hands.

And maybe Keith with shudder and whimper under his touch, not with fear or disgust, but with anticipation and lust.

“Shiro?” Shiro blinked in confusion as he focused on Keith, who was giving him a kind but slightly worried expression. “We’re here.”

Shiro blushed softly and peered out from around Keith to stare at the ride they had stopped at. At first, Shiro was confused, but as he watched the riders a smile tugged at his lips.

“Keith, are these…water bumper cars?” Keith beamed.

“Yup. Bumper boats, technically, but the same general principle. They’re a lot of fun, if you don't mind getting wet.”

“Well then, what are we waiting for?” Shiro gestured with his free hand towards the line. “Lead on.”

They got into the short line, hands still intertwined (much to Shiro’s delight). Shiro was still glancing down at their hands every few seconds when Keith cleared his throat.

“Hey, Shiro?”

“Yeah?” Shiro looked up but Keith was staring at a spot on the ground, swallowing nervously. “Keith?”

“Is—” he cut himself off, biting his lip and looking frustrated. He took a deep breath and met Shiro’s eyes. He looked worried, yet resolute. “Is _this—_” he squeezed Shiro’s hand for emphasis “—okay?”

Shiro nodded quickly.“This is…it's _more_ than okay,” he said, struggling to explain just how much better than okay this was without sounding like a total idiot. “Honestly, it’s…good.”

Keith smiled and lifted Shiro’s hand, pressing a gentle kiss to his knuckles. Shiro gasped involuntarily and felt his face grow hot.

“You’re…god, you're _great_.” He kissed his hand once more and Shiro melted. “But don't think for one second I’m gonna go easy on you. I want you soaking wet by the time we get off this ride.”

Shiro let out a startled laugh.

“You little…fine. Just don’t be surprised if I push you in.” Keith raised his eyebrow in mock challenge.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Try me.”

“Next riders.”

Shiro glanced up at the annoyed attendant, who judging on his expression had tried previously to get their attention. Shiro offered the man an embarrassed smile and climbed into his boat. He could hear Keith snickering behind him as he boarded his own.

“Alright, riders,” the attendant called out, tone more pleasant once everyone had claimed a boat, “have fun out there and get splashing!”

Before Shiro could fully process the words something collided into the side of his boat, splashing water into his boat and spinning him away. He glanced over his shoulder as he spun to see Keith grinning wickedly, his own boat spinning.

_Oh, so that’s how it’s gonna be._

Shiro smiled mischievously and grabbed his steering wheeling, aiming his boat straight for Keith. Keith let out a peal of laughter as he grabbed his own steering wheel and struggled to move out of the way, to no avail. Shiro giggled as he rammed Keith’s boat and sent him spiralling away. Keith half laughed half squealed as the water splashed him in the face.

“Lucky hit!” he called as he struggled to steer his boat.

“Oh yeah!” Shiro challenged as he swivelled his boat in an attempt to chase down his giggling date. Keith struggled in vain to move his boat but suddenly gave up. Shiro gave Keith a suspicious look as he moved closer. 

“Hey!” Shiro yelled in half-hearted protest as Keith leaned over the edge and splashed a handful of water at Shiro. “No fair!”

“All is fair in bumper boat war!” Keith yelled back.

“Please do not lean over the side of the boat,” came a monotone voice-over that loudspeaker. Keith paused for a moment before leaning over the side again, splashing him repeatedly and soaking the front of Shiro’s tee-shirt.

“Oh, it’s on!” Shiro cried, manoeuvring the boat closer so he could splash Keith back. Their boats collided over and over again as they splashed each other mercilessly.

“Please, do not lean—Please stop leaning—Please!”

By the time the ride ended, they were both dripping wet. They giggled and bumped shoulders as they passed the still annoyed attendant, who merely rolled his eyes at their antics.

“Oh man, I haven't laughed that hard in a while,” Shiro admitted, wringing out his tee-shirt as best as he could. “Or gotten this soaked.”

Keith snickered. Shiro raised his eye and gave Keith a quick once over.

“You do realise you look like a wet dog, right?” Keith laughed loudly. He moved close to Shiro and shook his head aggressively, wet hair flying and spraying water everywhere.

“Oh come on!” Shiro protested, hands raised defensively. “Aren’t I wet enough?”

“Nope,” Keith said with a cheeky grin. Shiro shook his head, smiling affectionately at him.

“Alright, it’s your turn to pick.” Keith hummed thoughtfully as he glanced at the rides around them.

“You know? I think—” Keith’s stomach growled loudly, cutting off whatever he was going to say. Shiro snickered as Keith flushed.

“I think we need to get you some food,” Shiro teased. Keith pouted, making Shiro laugh again. He hesitantly reached out for Keith’s hand, for his _right _hand, and gave him a small nod. “Come on…lead the way.”

Keith looked at their hands for a moment then sighed, releasing his hand and stepping away.

Shiro’s heart stopped.

“Shiro…I don't care.” Shiro frowned. “I…I like you, okay? All of you. And if it bothers _you_ then that’s okay. But please don't feel like you have to, I don't know, coddle me? Or try to protect me from your past, okay?”

Shiro stared stupidly as Keith offered Shiro his left hand. His mouth went dry. He glanced between Keith’s outstretched hand and his pleading eyes. Carefully, Shiro took Keith’s offered hand, watching for any sign of discomfort. Keith gripped his hand tightly and smiled warmly at Shiro.

“Thank you,” he told Shiro genuinely. Shiro blinked in confusion, unsure why Keith would be grateful. Shiro should be the one thanking Keith. He opened his mouth to tell him as much but Keith spoke first. “So food, right? Let’s go.”

Then they were off to the nearest food stand, hands intertwined and hearts pounding.

***

Keith held out his plate to Shiro.

“Seriously, Shiro, take a bite,” he pleaded. “They’re actually pretty good.” Keith had to bite his lip to keep from laughing at the suspicious look Shiro gave his plate of nachos. “Come on, I know you're still hungry and I can’t eat them all by myself. So open up.”

With obvious reluctance, Shiro obeyed and opened his mouth for Keith. He held up a cheesy chip and offered to Shiro, who took a bite. He chewed thoughtfully before swallowing and nodding.

“Okay, they’re good,” he conceded, taking the rest of the chip from Keith. Keith smirked as he returned to his meal. After a few seconds, he laughed to himself as he noticed Shiro’s hand sneaking towards his plate.

“You could just ask,” Keith pointed out, pushing the plate closer to Shiro. Shiro ducked his head but took the offered nachos.

“Yeah well, shut up.”

They finished their lunch in relative quiet, just enjoying each other’s company. It was nice. Keith glanced over at Shiro, about to ask if he was finished with the nachos, and snickered when he took in Shiro’s face.

“What?” Keith snickered again.

Apparently, Shiro had enjoyed the nachos a little too much and had gotten the melted cheese on his nose. He looked absolutely adorable.

“You gotta little—” Keith wiped his nose in demonstration “—on the tip.” Shiro immediately stuck out his tongue, trying to lick the cheese off with no success.

“No…stop laughing…I’ve almost…” Keith couldn't have held in his laughter if he wanted to.

“Oh my god, you disaster, hold on.” Keith leaned over his adorable _dork_ and swiped the cheese of his nose with his thumb. “There. Crisis averted.”

He licked the cheese off of his thumb. Shiro’s eyes followed the movement, licking his own lips unconsciously. He grinned wicked before doing it again, a little slower.

“_Keith_…”

Keith couldn't tell if it was a warning or an encouragement. He grinned either way and stood up, stretching slightly, before smiling innocently at Shiro.

“Ready for another ride?”

Shiro blinked at him in confusion. Then his eyes narrowed.

“Oh, you little—”

“Careful, Shiro,” Keith warned playfully. “There are little ears around.”

Shiro glanced around quickly, noting the children that were, indeed, everywhere. He gave Keith a warning look.

“Just you wait. I’ll get you back for that.”

“Is that a threat or a promise?” Shiro’s grin was nearly feral.

“Guess you’ll have to wait and see.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another fun fact: this is my favourite chapter i've published so far :)  
Thanks for reading friends!
> 
> (Chapter title taken from I Wanna Hold Your Hand, the Beatles)


	12. i would fight for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What if they're queers?”
> 
> The word was hissed as though a curse. Shiro hunched his shoulders slightly and took a step away from Keith.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note this chapter includes a homophobic slur as well as strong language and very mild violence. You have been warned

Shiro followed Keith to the next ride, trying not to stare as Keith swayed his hips _totally_ on purpose, with mixed results. He was _so_ beautiful, in an exhilarating and frustrating kind of way that made Shiro want to grab him around the waist, pull him into a corner and kiss him.

Teasing. Biting. Loving. Over and over until Keith couldn't remember his own name.

However, Shiro was mindful of the children running around and when he caught up with Keith, he restrained his impulse and instead nudged his shoulder playfully before asking, “so where are we headed now?”

“Skydiver,” Keith said with a grin.

“Of course we are.”

“Hey, if you wanna back out, there’s no shame,” Keith promised, eyes mischievous. Shiro scoffed.

“Try not to scream too loudly,” he warned Keith with a smirk. “Don’t want you to embarrass yourself.”

“Okay, tough guy,” Keith conceded, laughing softly, “don’t say I didn't give you an out.”

They made their way to the steadily growing line and watched as the next ride began its ascension.

“Is this one of the rides that takes a photo of you?” Shiro asked, watching the ride drop suddenly. Keith laughed.

“Nah, not this one. The drop is supposed to be unexpected, so I think it would be too hard to time it.”

“Oh, okay.” Keith quirked his eyebrow.

“Why?” Shiro tugged on his shirtsleeve, a little self-conscious.

“I…I wanna take a picture with you, that’s all.” Keith gave Shiro a soft smile and reached for his good hand.

“Shiro—”

“Oh my god, do they have to do that here?” asked a loud disapproving male voice from behind them. Shiro tensed slightly.

“David, leave them alone,” a female voice replied, quieter. “They’re probably just friends.”

“What male friends just hold hands?” Shiro dropped Keith’s hand. “What if they're _queers_?” The word was hissed as though a curse. Shiro hunched his shoulders slightly and took a step away from Keith. “There are children around.”

Keith scanned Shiro quickly and frowned. He glanced over at the couple behind them.

“Don’t,” Shiro whispered quietly. “Whatever you're thinking just…don't.”

Keith was still frowning, but he turned back around. Not before grasping Shiro’s hand again and rubbing his thumb across the back of it.

“Caroline, really…”

“Let it go, David. Friends can hold hands. It doesn't mean they're gay. Calm down.”

“If those fags—”

Keith dropped Shiro’s hand and spun on his heels.

“Keith!” Shiro tried, but it was too late.

“Is there something you'd like to say to me?” Keith demanded, glaring at the man behind him. Shiro grabbed Keith’s shoulder and tried to turn him back around.

“Keith, ignore him,” he pleaded.

“No! If this guy has something he’d like to say, then I want to hear it.”

The other people in line had taken notice of the raised voices and were shifting nervously, glancing over at the angry youth staring down the middle-aged man behind him.

“Yeah, I’ve got something to say,” the man said, straightening up and glaring back at Keith. “I don't need to see that kind of disgusting behaviour when I’m trying to enjoy a day with my wife, and neither does anyone else.You’re out in public and if you ‘have to’ do things like that, do them where no one else has to see.”

“David,” his wife muttered, looking embarrassed. Shiro could relate. He wanted to melt into the floor.

“And just what is so disgusting about me wanting to hold my date’s hand, huh? I’ve seen at least three hetero couples with their tongues down each other’s throats, and our hand-holding is ‘bothering’ everyone? Really?! Cause I don't think we’re bothering anyone. So how ‘bout you take your homophobic bullshit and shove it up your ass?!”

A chorus of gasps sounded throughout the crowd. Shiro glanced around and felt his heart sink. Everyone was staring now and he thought he could see an employee making his way over. He tried to hunch his shoulders even more.

“Keith, please, let it go.” He turned to the angry man, head bowed slightly. “We’re sorry, sir.”

“The fuck we are!?” Keith protested angrily. “I’m not apologising to some self-righteous homophobic asshole!”

“Keith, there are children everywhere. _Please_ stop swearing,” he begged. “Let’s just go on a different ride.”

“Yeah,” the man chimed in, looking smug now that he realised they were going to retreat. “Take your little bitch and—”

Shiro stared in horror as the man crumpled to the ground, clutching his bleeding nose. Keith was shaking beside him.

“Don’t ever insult my boyfriend,” Keith warned, eyes dark and fist still clenched.

“Okay, I’m going to need you to come with me!” Shiro dragged his eyes away from the man on the ground and looked over at the security guard pushing his way through the crowd towards them. “Come on!”

Shiro started to move on toward the guard on autopilot when a voice chimed in.

“Sir? These two men didn't do anything wrong.” Shiro looked behind him and saw the man’s wife step forward, still looking embarrassed but determined.

“My husband provoked them and they were just defending themselves.” The crowd around them began nodding and adding their own affirmations.“I’m sorry for the trouble we caused you, but these men didn't do anything wrong. That one in particular—” she pointed to Shiro “—tried to leave and apologised to my husband even though he had done nothing wrong. We aren’t going to be pressing charges or anything.”

“We most certainly—”

“David! Please!”

The security guard looked warily between the wife, the bleeding man, the muttering crowd, and Keith and Shiro. He sighed heavily.

“At the very least, you sir, should go to the First Aid station and get your nose checked out.” The man scowled as best as he could.

“As for you two, I need you to make the official report and maybe check out your hand. That has to hurt.” Shiro followed the man’s gaze and took in Keith’s hand. It did look a little red, but nothing too terrible. Keith hesitated before nodding.

“Okay fine.” He reached out for Shiro with his uninjured hand. “Let’s go.”

“I’ll come on behalf of my husband,” the woman offered. The guard nodded and a small cheer went up as the guard led the three of them away from the ride and towards an office building.

“I’m Caroline,” the women told them softly. Shiro nodded at her, still feeling slightly dazed by the last five minutes. “I’m really sorry about my husband. He shouldn't have said those things to you.”

“No, he shouldn't have,” Keith agreed angrily.

“Everyone is entitled to an opinion,” Shiro interjected quickly. “Thank you for defending us.” Caroline nodded, looking a little hesitant.

“I, uh, I don't really support…this—” she waved a hand vaguely in their direction and glanced down at their clasped hands “—but I don't think there’s any reason to…to get nasty over different opinions.” Keith’s eyes narrowed slightly and Shiro held his breath.

“…I’m…sorry…I punched your husband,” Keith muttered, not really looking at her. She offered them a weak smile.

“It’s…alright.”

They followed the security guard into an office building, down a hallway, and into a small room. The guard gestured to two chairs in front of a metal desk.

“Take a seat.” Keith and Shiro glanced at each other for a moment but Caroline took up position standing off to the side and leaving the chairs for them. They took the chairs and looked up at the guard. The guard pulled out a few papers and sighed heavily.

“Okay, let’s do this as quickly as possible. I’m going to fill out this form. You’re going to tell me what happened when I ask for details and then I’ll have you all sign the form, confirming its accuracy, and then we can all go about our days. Except for you,” he added, pointing at Keith. “I’m gonna send you to First Aid, and see if they have an ice pack or something.”

Keith offered the guard a half smile.

“Okay,” the man said, uncapping his pen,“so I’m Anthony Peters, guard on duty. The date is Sunday, January 13, 2019. The time of the incident is 2:15 pm. The people involved are…” He glanced up at them. “I’m gonna need your names.”

“Oh, Caroline Marks,” Caroline said quickly. “And David Marks.”

“Keith Kogane. K-O-G-A-N-E,” Keith spelt for the guard. The guard nodded and looked at Shiro.

“Uh, Takashi Shirogane. T-A-K-A-S-H-I. S-H-I-R-O-G-A-N-E.” The guard nodded and wrote down the name. Shiro could feel Keith’s stare, but he decided to ignore it for now.

“Alright. So who wants to tell me what happened?” Keith opened his mouth, but Shiro beat him to the punch.

“Keith and I were standing in line for Skydiver, holding hands. A man behind us made…some disapproving comments. We ignored him at first. When Keith felt insulted, he turned to confront the man. They argued. I apologise and tried to leave. The man then used an…offensive term, and Keith hit the man. That’s when you came over.” The man nodded and scribbled down what Shiro was saying. He stopped and looked over at Keith.

“You threw the first punch, Mr. Kogane?”

“Just Keith, and yes, and I would do it again,” Keith confirmed, a challenge in his eyes. The guard eyed him warily before nodding and looking back down at his form. “Mrs. Marks, is there anything you would like to add or correct about Mr. Shirogane’s account?” She shook her head.

“No, the young man explained it well.”

“And you and your husband will not be pressing charges against the park or these men?” She shook her head again.

“No, sir.”

The guard added a few more notes, checked a box, and handed them the form and a pen.

“Please sign at the bottom.”

They all signed the form quickly and handed it back to the man, who skimmed it and nodded.

“Okay, that’s all I need from you. You're free to go.” Shiro and Keith stood and made their way out the door. “Although,” the guard called and all three froze. “I would like to talk to the two of you for a moment, if you don't mind.”

Caroline darted out the door, leaving the couple standing frozen. Shiro glanced over his shoulder. The guard wore an open expression and didn't look like he meant them any harm.

“Uh, okay?” He walked the few steps back to the chair. He heard Keith sigh behind him before he too made his way back to the chair and took a seat beside Shiro, arms crossed. The guard looked over them carefully.

“I would like to personally apologise to the both of you for what happened earlier.”

“Thank you,” Shiro replied automatically. Keith rolled his eyes.

“Relax, we aren't going to sue the park or anything.”

“And I appreciate that,” the guard acknowledged, “but I’m not apologising so that the park can cover its ass.” Out of the corner of his eye, Shiro saw Keith straighten slightly.

“I’m apologising as a human being who saw something cruel and unfair happen.” He hesitated a moment before shooting Keith a sly grin. “And as a pansexual man, I would like to thank you for punching that sorry excuse for a person.” Keith leaned forward over the desk and held out his hand.

“An absolute pleasure.” The guard chuckled and shook the offered hand.

“Well, I do apologise again, and I hope you are able to enjoy the rest of your day. Oh, and please do check out that hand.” Keith rolled his eyes but was smiling faintly.

“I’ll see that he does,” Shiro assured, standing up and moving towards the door. “Have a nice day.”

The man nodded in response before looking back down at his papers. The couple slipped out of the office and found themselves back in the crowds of the amusement park.

“Well, let’s go find First Aid.” Keith raised his eyebrow.

“Really? I think first we should address that fact that I didn't know your first name.” Shiro winced and ducked his head a little.

“Uh…” Keith shook his head. “Well, to be fair, pretty much everyone calls me Shiro,” he defended quickly. “_I_ introduce myself as Shiro. I didn't even think about it.”

“Shiro…” Keith trailed off and looked at Shiro a little hesitantly. “Should…I start calling you Takashi now?”

The ‘no’ was on the tip of his tongue. Only his parents called him Takashi. And while he didn't _dislike_ his name per se, he didn't like the feelings associated with hearing his name. But there was just something about the way Keith said it that made him feel…

“You, uh, you can call me whatever you, uh, whatever you like,” Shiro mumbled, hoping his face wasn't as red as he thought. Keith nodded thoughtfully.

“Okay, Shiro, take me to the First Aid station,” he demanded, holding out his uninjured hand for Shiro to take. Shiro smiled and took the offered hand.

They walked quietly hand in hand towards the First Aid station. As they neared the station, a thought crossed Shiro’s mind.

“Hey, Keith?”

“Yeah?”

“Earlier…you called me your boyfriend?”

Keith’s hand tightened suddenly in his before relaxing.

“Uh, yeah, I did.”

There was a definite pause as neither man spoke for a moment. Shiro stopped walking and tugged on Keith’s hand, forcing him to stop as well. Keith stared down at the ground, cheeks slightly pink.

“You want me to be your boyfriend?” Shiro asked carefully, trying to keep the hope out of his voice. Keith nodded jerkily.

“Yeah, if you, uh, if you don't mind?” Shiro had never seen Keith act so…shy.

“Hey, Keith, will you look at me?”

With obvious reluctance, Keith dragged his gaze up to meet Shiro’s. Shiro let go of Keith’s hand. He stepped closer cupping Keith’s cheek and planting a tender kiss on Keith’s lips.

Almost immediately Keith melted into the kiss, wrapping his ams around Shiro and letting out a contented sigh. Shiro forced himself to keep the kiss short and chaste, pulling back after a few short seconds and resting his forehead against Keith’s.

“I would love to be your boyfriend,” he whispered.

“Oh. Okay, great.”

_“Now_ we can go fix your hand.”

“Oh. _Great_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for anyone wondering, Keith 1000% noticed Shiro's response to 'takashi' and is gonna use it against him later ;) thanks for reading!
> 
> (chapter title taken from Fight For Me by the Heathers the Musical)


	13. wish we could turn back time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Look…if you’re going to defend this man, then fine. Defend him. Defend all of them and become the best defence attorney in the world. But, at least be honest about why. Because you and I both know you aren't doing it to keep your options open.”

They drove home in a comfortable silence.

Shiro glanced over and saw Keith looking out the window, absentmindedly stroking the red stuffed lion Shiro had won him in the claw machine (he had spent almost five bucks trying to win it, but the look of delight on Keith’s face had been worth it). Shiro smiled as he turned onto Keith’s street. He passed a few houses before stopping in front of the house with the red door.

“Well,” Shiro said, shifting to look at Keith. “This is you. I, uh, I had fun today.” Keith smiled back, unbuckling his seatbelt.

“Me too, Shiro. Thanks for everything. And the lion.”

“No problem. You finally figure out what your gonna call it?” Keith nodded.

“Red.” Shiro snickered. “What!?”

“Nothing! Red is a great name.” Keith scowled, though the lion in his arms lessened the effect.

“Oh shut up! It suits him!” Shiro held up his hands in surrender.

“I agree! It’s great!” Keith shot him a suspicious look, then glanced down at the lion and smiled.

“I really did have a great time—” he looked up at Shiro coyly, batting his eyelashes “—_Takashi_.”

Shiro did not whimper. It was the best he could do.

“Keith…”

“Yes, _Takashi_?”

“You can’t do that to me, Keith,” Shiro warned, licking his lips.

“Why not?”

“Because we’re parked outside your house, and I can see that the lights are on inside which means your parents or siblings could glance out the window any minute, and I don't think any of them want to see me fucking you in the backseat.”

Keith stared at Shiro in shock, eyes darkening.

“Shiro…”

Shiro cut off whatever Keith had planned on saying by leaning over the console kissing him, hard and deep. Keith stiffened for a moment before reaching out and taking hold of Shiro’s face, angling his mouth to deepen the kiss. As the kiss grew heated, Shiro’s hand slid down to Keith’s waist and waited. When Keith ignored it, Shiro smiled into the kissed and tightened his grip. That was all the warning he gave his new boyfriend, and damn if that didn't have a nice ring to it, before tugging Keith over the console and into his lap.

“What…ah!” Keith grabbed onto Shiro’s shoulders to steady himself and looked down at his new position. “Oh…hello.”

The look he gave Shiro was so outrageously lecherous Shiro didn't know whether to laugh or moan. He decided the best course of action was to continue his task of kissing Keith senseless. He kissed across his jawline, dipping down and mouthing at his neck. Keith’s grip tightened.

“S-Shiro…oh, that’s nice,” Keith stammered, tilting his head back and offering up his neck to Shiro. Shiro smirked and kissed his way up to Keith’s ear.

“Keith,” he breathed and felt Keith shift restlessly.

“Yeah?”

“I’ll call you later this week.”

“Wha—”

Shiro pulled back and put his hands up, putting space between himself and Keith. Keith blinked at him in confusion.

“Shiro?”

“I should be going now,” Shiro explained, trying not to smirk. Keith stared blankly. Then his eyes widened.

“You aren't actually gonna make me walk into my house with a hard-on, are you!?” Shiro shrugged.

“You made me walk around an amusement park with a semi, this only seems fair.”

“No way!” Keith grabbed Shiro’s arms, trying to get closer to Shiro. “Shiro, _Takashi _! Please!” Shiro leaned in and kissed Keith once on the cheek.

“What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't punish you for teasing me in public?”

“A good one!” Keith stopped squirming suddenly and looked at Shiro shyly. “I…I like when you call yourself my boyfriend.”

A weaker man would have folded.

“Me too.” Shiro leaned forward and kissed Keith once more. “Goodnight.”

“You're the worst,” Keith pouted, reaching over for the door handle.

“Thank you.”

“I mean it,” Keith grumbled, climbing off Shiro and out of the car. “The absolute worst. Why I like you so much is beyond me. Hand me, Red.” Shiro complied with a smile.

“I really did have a good time, Keith.”

“Yeah me too,” Keith mumbled, still scowling.

“I’ll call you this week.”

“You better.”

Shiro watched with a smile as Keith walked to his front door and disappeared inside. He let out the sigh he had been holding in and started the car.

***

Keith walked in the front door, closed the door behind him, and leaned against it with a sigh. As much as he wished he was still in the car with Shiro, Keith had to give credit to his new boyfriend: he definitely got Keith back.

_Boyfriend_, Keith thought with a little smile. _I have a boyfriend._

“So I’m guessing it was a good date?”

“God!” Keith jumped away from the door in a panic. From the couch, Thace didn't even try to hide his amusement. Keith glared. “You know the whole waiting in the dark for your kid to get back from their date is seriously overrated.”

“I don't know. It’s pretty fun.” Thace patted the seat beside him. “Really though, you had a good date?” Keith nodded as he sat down beside Thace.

“Shiro won me this,” he said, lifting up Red. “I told him he didn't have to but he insisted.” Thace took the offered lion and looked it over.

“Claw Machine?”

“Yup.”

“How much did he spend?”

“About five bucks, I think.” Thace did the math and whistled.

“He must really like you.”

Keith thought about Shiro’s face, four rounds in. His eyes narrowed, shoulders tense, biting his lip as he stared down the lion. Insisting that he win Keith the lion because ‘no it’s not about _pride_ Keith, it’s about winning my boyfriend a stuffed lion as a sign of my _affection_, now stop distracting me!’

“Yeah,” Keith agreed softly, “Yeah I think he does.”

***

“I really don't like him.”

Shiro heard Allura snicker and Shiro frowned at his friend’s lack of sympathy.

“What did he do?”

Shiro thought back to his phone call with his first client. The man had been polite and agreeable, willing to meet Tuesday at 11:30 to go over his defence. And yet…

“He’s just…unsettling, I guess. I really don't want to defend him. I don’t want to defend _any_ of them.”

“Then don’t.” Shiro laughed. “I’m being serious! Tell your dad to shove his offer and do something that you actually want to do.”

“Okay, first of all, you’ve been spending way too much time with Matt.” Allura snorted. “Second, I can’t just ignore my father.”

“Why not? You should!”

“Because, Allura, whether I agree with his practice or not, it is a good job. I’m living off my pension, which is fine for now but I would like an actual job at some point and I don’t want to close the door on this until I’m sure.”

“Shiro?”

“Yeah?” Allura sighed.

“Look…if you’re going to defend this man, then fine. Defend him. Defend all of them and become the best defence attorney in the world. But, at least be honest about why. Because you and I both know you aren't doing it to keep your options open.”

Shiro closed his eyes and rubbed at his temple.

“I’ll see you and Matt at movie night. We can talk more then.”

Allura gave a small sigh but apparently decided to let Shiro not talk about it. He was grateful. It was one of the many things he loved about Allura. She wasn't afraid to call him, or anyone for that matter, out on things but she also knew when to back down.

“Okay, but I’m picking the movie. I swear if Matt makes me watch Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy one more time, I’m gonna smother him with his emergency towel.”

Shiro grinned.

“Duly noted. Bye Allura.”

Shiro hung up the phone and shot off a quick email to his father telling him about the meeting. He put his phone on silent and picked up the case file with a sigh.

“Alright, Mr. Lubos,” Shiro muttered, scanning the pages, “let’s see what I can do for you.”

***

Shiro wanted to scream.

Mr. Lubos had arrived at Shirogane Legal, eight minutes late and dressed in some strange mix of formal and business casual attire. He had blatantly checked out the intern who led him to their meeting, even though she was at least half his age, and had called Shiro “dear boy” at least four times in the last ten minutes alone.

“Mr. Lubos, I _really_ think this is your best option.”

The man laughed, a big stupid grin on his face.

“I’m not guilty. And I’m not paying for the best law firm in Arizona to tell me I should claim otherwise, boy.”

“With all due respect, Mr. Lobos, I’ve reviewed this case carefully and there’s a lot of damning evidence provided both by the prosecution and the original statements. And even if we go for a circumstantial spin, there’s still evidence of you being seen with a well-known mob boss, which is going to open you up for greater speculation.”

“Dear boy—”

“And,” Shiro continued, frustration mounting, “you _are_ guilty.” The man’s eyes narrowed and his smile faded.

“I was blackmailed.”

“Yes, and you still have not told the police or your lawyers why.” Shiro sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Mr. Lubos, we’ve been at this for nearly an hour. I can not do my job if you aren't honest with me. Right now, I have to assume you were blackmailed because Mr. Gotti had evidence of you doing something illegal. If I’m wrong, then please tell me.”

Mr. Lubos stared at Shiro for a moment before grinning again and waving his hand dismissively.

“Just a misunderstanding, dear boy, and I’m sure you can guess how difficult it is to clear up a misunderstanding with the mob.”

“Mr. Lubos, please—”

“A past employee of mine has some sort of connection. A niece or something like that, I don't remember exactly. She misinterpreted a comment I had made and some people got angry. It happens all the time.”

Shiro closed his eyes. _I have the _**_worst_**_ feeling about this._

“Mr. Lubos, are you being blackmailed for sexual harassment.”

He laughed.

“Oh, of course not, dear boy! ‘Sexual harassment’,” he repeated, shaking his head. “That sounds so sordid. No, no, no. Just a misunderstanding.”

Shiro did not feel reassured.

“Would you mind explaining the misunderstanding to me? Just in case it comes up?”

“I don't see why it would.”

“Indulge me.” Mr. Lubos shrugged.

“They were just a few offhanded comments here and there.” Shiro sighed.

“Okay, let’s try this again. When Mr. Gotti came to you angry about his niece or ‘something like that’, what was his complaint?”

Mr. Lubos swallowed and glanced around the room.

“Well, I, he believed I was, uh, soliciting her.”

_Goddamnit._

“Did you?”

“Well, well, of course not!” Mr. Lubos laughed and shifted in his seat. “I just—”

“Made a few comments,” Shiro finished, rubbing wearily at his temple.

He could picture it. Young pretty employee and her sleazy boss. A few inappropriate comments here and there. An “accidental” touch every now and again. All leading up to a casual proposition that didn't feel like it could be refused.

“Mr. Lubos—”

“It was all a misunderstanding, dear boy!” Mr. Lubos was grinning, but his eyes darted around the room. “A terrible misunderstanding that I was blackmailed for! By the mob!”

“Yes, because, if I may be frank, you made a pass at a mob boss’ niece!”

“Dear boy—”

“And now you're being tried not just for insider trading but a connection to a mob hit!”

“I’m not guilty,” Mr. Lubos insisted. “I’m not guilty and I don't appreciate you insinuating that I—”

“Mr. Lubos…”

“I am entitled to a fair trial! I am being accused of insider trading, which was a result of blackmail from the mob, and because of said forced connection I now have metaphoric blood on my hands!”

Mr. Lubos was no longer smiling.

“I did not kill that man! I was not present at the time of the murder! The only connection between me and him is that we were in the same business! At most, I can be arrested for insider trading and even then I was threatened! Please, dear boy!”

Shiro glanced over at the clock on the wall.

“I can probably remove the accessory to murder, but you will most likely go to jail for insider trading. However, you need to consider that Mr. Gotti, or his associates, may try and charge you with sexual assault. If they do, you will need to tell me everything. I don't care how unimportant you think it is, I will need to know. If you can promise to do that, I may be able to help you.”

“I still say it’s just a misunderstanding.”

“Mr. Lubos?”

“Oh, very well,” he huffed. “It’s agreed.”

Shiro sighed internally and began gathering papers.

“You’ll hear from me by the end of the week. Have a pleasant day.” Mr. Lubos stood and shook Shiro’s hand.

“Don’t disappoint m—”

Shiro dropped his hand and walked away, silently fuming. He took the elevator up to his father’s office and knocked once before entering. His father looked up in mild surprise.

“Takashi, I didn’t—”

“Sexual harassment in the workplace,” Shiro bit out. “I won’t defend a predator.” His father frowned.

“Takashi—”

“Did you know?! Are all of these case like—”

“I’m talking.”

He didn't raise his voice.Ryou Shirogane never raised his voice. He never needed to.

“I’m sorry, sir,” Shiro mumbled, ducking his head slightly.

“First of all, you will wait until I give you permission to enter. I don't care if you are my son, you don't get to come barging into my office whenever it suits you. Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. Second, innocent until proven guilty.” Shiro couldn't help but flinch. “Your job is to prove him innocent, not give in to the accusations.”

“Father, I—”

“Is that understood?”

“Yes, sir, I understand.”

“Good. Now I was in the middle of something before you barged in here.”

Shiro knew a dismissal when he heard one.

“Goodbye, father.”

Shiro exited the office and made his way out of the building and to his car. He climbed inside his car, buckled his seatbelt, buried his face in his hands, and screamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not a lawyer and all my knowledge is from the internet sooo...super accurate obviously
> 
> (chapter title taken from Stressed Out by Twenty One Pilots)


	14. nothing beautiful comes without a fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro stared at Keith, trying to figure out if he was serious or not. 
> 
> “Keith…I think we need to break up.”
> 
> “Oh, shut up!” Keith complained, throwing his crumpled up napkin at Shiro.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is filled with kisses, bad pickup lines, conspiracies theories, and fights…you have been warned

Shiro sat at the kitchen table surrounded by case files, witness statements, and crossed out notes. He looked over what he had so far and sighed. He could remove the accessory to murder via some technical wording and a small loophole, but he didn't like it. Just imagining that poor girl made Shiro’s blood boil.

_If it gets brought up, I won’t defend him, _Shiro promised himself. _I won’t defend a predator._

Shiro sighed again. It was a weak promise and did little to ease his conscious, but it was the best he could do. _God, this is only the first case. I’m never going to meet his deadline._

His phone buzzed, alerting him to a text, and Shiro unlocked his phone eager for a distraction.

** _ From: Keith_ **

** _ I have a calculus test next period and I think I’m gonna throw myself off a cliff._ **

Shiro smiled at his phone.

** _To: Keith_ **

** _ Please don’t. I’d miss you._ **

** _ From: Keith_ **

** _ I’ll miss you too…but I really don't want to take this test_ **

** _To: Keith_ **

** _ Did you study?_ **

There was a brief pause.

** _ From: Keith_ **

** _ …no_ **

Shiro laughed out loud.

** _To: Keith_ **

** _ Tough._ **

** _ From: Keith_ **

** _ You’re the worst boyfriend ever._ **

** _ To: Keith_ **

** _ <3_ **

Shiro looked back over his notes highlighting a portion of the witness statement when his phone buzzed again. He unlocked his phone and laughed.

Keith had sent him a photo of himself flipping off the camera, smirk on his face.

** _To: Keith_ **

** _ Brat._ **

** _ From: Keith_ **

** _ You love it._ **

Shiro chuckled as he saved the image to his photos before forcing himself to get back to work.

***

Shiro half-hearted chewed his peanut butter and jelly sandwich and stared at the notes he had. He had done the best that he could with the defendant’s testimony but tomorrow he would need to review the witness statements from the prosecution. He had a feeling this was going to be an uphill battle and wanted to be as prepared as possible. Not too mention the five other files that he had barely skimmed over. Tomorrow was going to be hellish.

But not tonight.

Tonight, Shiro was going to finish his subpar dinner, maybe watch an episode of Parks and Rec, then go to bed.

Shiro took another bite of his sandwich, then pulled out his phone.

** _To: Keith_ **

** _ Is your hair long enough to wear back in a ponytail?_ **

Shiro didn't have to wait long for a reply.

** _ From: Keith_ **

** _ It’s long enough for Bella to get it into braids._ **

** _ From: Keith_ **

** _ Why?  
To: Keith_ **

** _ No reason. Just been a long day and I wanted to think of something that would make me smile._ **

** _ From: Keith_ **

** _ Dork._ **

** _ From: Keith_ **

** _ I’ve got a shift in 20, so I won’t be available._ **

** _ To: Keith_ **

** _ That’s okay, I’m heading to bed anyway. Try not to give out your number to any awkward drunk guys._ **

Shiro tried not to fidget as he waited for Keith’s reply.

** _From: Keith_ **

** _ If anyone hits on me, I’ll tell them my boyfriend is super strong and is gonna beat them up ;)_ **

** _ To: Keith_ **

** _ Good._ **

Shiro shoved the rest of his sandwich in his mouth, moved his plate into the sink—_I’ll deal with it tomorrow—_ and stared at the TV for all of two seconds before deciding he was too tired for Parks and Rec. He trudged to his bedroom, stripped off his tee-shirt and jeans, and climbed into bed.

As he drifted off to sleep, he pictured an exasperated but fond Keith letting his little sister weave braids into his black hair and chuckled.

***

“Maybe you should quit?” Matt suggested. Shiro groaned.

“Come on, Matt. I’m looking for _actual_ suggestions.” He could almost see Matt’s indifferent shrug.

“Look, man, I’ve got forty-five minutes to eat lunch and grade my last class’ pop quiz. That _was _an actual suggestion. And it’s the best you're gonna get from me for now.”

“Matt,” Shiro pleaded.

“Did you try calling Allura? She has a better legal head than me anyways.” Shiro rubbed his face wearily.

“She has something with her cousin. She’s kinda out of commission till Saturday.”

“Hm…well, I guess—wait! You already talked to her?! I was your second call?!”

“She called me!” Shiro defended. “And you literally _just_ said she has a better legal head!”

“It still nice to be considered! I mean, I know we’ve been friends forever, but does that mean the romance has to end? You don't woo me anymore, Shirogane!”

“Don’t you have quizzes to grade?”

“You wound me! You cur! I bite my thumb at thee!”

“Alright, you win. I’m hanging up.”

“I expect roses!”

“Goodbye, Matt.”

Shiro hung up the phone and sighed. He had spent most of the morning reviewing the evidence and re-reading witness statements from the prosecution until he couldn’t keep his cases straight. Maybe if he was a better lawyer, more experience and less bias, he could do this. He could balance all of these cases. He could present his work by Friday. He could defend Mr. Lubos, and Mr. Hamada, and Mrs. Jameson, and Mr. Fortes, and Ms. White, and Dr. Harper and all guilty people his father threw at him, and win all his cases. But he wasn't a better lawyer. He was a tired veteran with limited experience and all he wanted was to see justice served. And then take a nap. For a week. Or three.

Shiro phone buzzed and he groaned before reaching over, half expecting it to be Matt with flower bouquet pricing. Instead, it was Keith.

** _From: Keith_ **

** _ You must be exhausted._ **

** _ From: Keith_ **

**_ Cause you’ve been running through my mind all day. ;_**)

Shiro snorted.

** _To: Keith_ **

** _ Oh my god. That was so bad._ **

** _ From: Keith_ **

** _ How dare you. That was some of my best material._ **

** _ To: Keith_ **

** _ So no one gave you their number last night, obviously._ **

** _ From: Keith_ **

** _ Wow. Rude. Just for that I’m gonna tell my boyfriend to beat you up._ **

** _ From: Keith_ **

** _ And he’s not just super hot but also really strong. You know what that means?_ **

Shiro smiled at his phone, shaking his head fondly.

** _To: Keith_ **

** _ What?_ **

** _ From: Keith_ **

** _ It means when he defends my honour he's gonna look super hot while doing it._ **

Shiro laughed out loud.

** _From: Keith_ **

** _ So how’s your day?_ **

** _ To: Keith_ **

** _ A lot better now, thanks._ **

** _ From: Keith_ **

** _ Work still a bitch?_ **

** _ To: Keith_ **

** _ Yeah, something like that. It’s all just … a lot. _ **

** _From: Keith_ **

** _ I’m sorry. I wish I could do something to make it better._ **

Shiro smiled at his phone. _How the hell did I get this lucky?_

** _To: Keith_ **

** _ You already have._ **

** _ To: Keith_ **

** _ What about you? What are you doing today?_ **

** _ From: Keith_ **

** _ Not much. I’m just_ **

** _ From: Keith_ **

** _ Actually, Shiro, Keith is supposed to be helping me with our history project so PLEASE stop flirting with him so we can actually finish this! (Pidge)_ **

Shiro couldn't help but laugh although his face was a little red.

** _To: Keith_ **

** _ Sorry Pidge. I’ll let him get back to work. I’ll talk to you later Keith. Good luck on the project._ **

Shiro put down his phone and walked away so he wouldn't be tempted to distract Keith, and anger Pidge. She may be small, but Pidge was terrifying when angry and Shiro felt no shame admitting that.

***

_The wallpaper in here is terrible_, Shiro thought staring at the living room wall._ I should re-paper it. Can you do that? Should I just paint it?_

Shiro shifted slightly to see if it looked better from a different angle.

_Nope, _he decided, _not much better. Although that could just be the head rush._

Shiro carefully rotated from his position from dangling upside off the edge of the couch until he was lying back on the couch and staring up at the ceiling.

“Well, that didn't help,” he announced to the empty room. He had thought maybe he needed a new perspective looking at his files, hence the couch, but it was more distracting than helpful. Not to mention the headache.

Shiro sighed and closed his eyes. Tomorrow, he was supposed to meet with Mr. Lubos and provided him with a defence. Then meet with Mr. Hamada in the evening to review his case in person. And then call Mrs. Jameson and Mr. Fortes to schedule meetings for next week. And then give his father his preliminary notes on Ms. White’s and Dr. Harper’s cases. And then scream internally for a few minutes before starting on his other eight cases that Shiro’s been equal parts too busy and too scared to review yet.

Shiro eyed the pillow next to him and considered smothering himself.

There was a knock on the door, distracting him temporarily from his fantasy. Shiro frowned at the door. As far as he knew, no one was coming over. It could be Matt. After all, he didn't always warn Shiro before coming over.

There was a second knock.

“Coming!” 

He got to his feet and waited a second for the head rush to pass before making his way to the door.

“Sorry, Matt, did you—” Shiro swung open the door and froze.

“Sorry, not Holt. Hope you aren't disappointed,” Keith asked with a small smirk.

“Not at all!” Shiro said once his brain caught up. “Come in,” he said, holding the door open.

“Thanks.” Shiro watched Keith slip inside and look around. “Nice place.”

“Thanks…wait, how did you know…?”

“Pidge.” Keith held up a bag Shiro hadn't noticed earlier. “I hope you're hungry. I brought takeout.”

“Yeah, starving actually.” Keith smiled and dropped the bag on Shiro’s table. Then he looked over at Shiro, eyebrow raised.

“Alright, what’s up?”

“Nothing. It’s just…what are you doing here?” Keith smiled faded slightly.

“Sorry, am I…should I have texted first? Are you busy?”

“No! I mean, maybe text in the future, but I’m not mad or anything! I’m surprised to see you but it’s a happy surprise. I just don't get why you're here.”

“Because, you dork, you’ve seemed a little stressed this week and I thought you might want a break. And you seem like the kind of person who forgets things when you're busy, like food.” Shiro offered a sheepish smile but didn't bother denying it. Instead, he walked over to Keith and kissed him on the top of his head.

“You were right. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now kiss me properly.” Shiro chuckled but complied, leaning down and offering Keith a kiss on the lips. Keith hummed.

“Hmm…much better. Well come on, let’s eat before the food gets cold.” Keith began grabbing containers out of the bag. “I had no idea what you might like so I grabbed a little bit of everything. You can use chopsticks right?” Shiro rolled his eyes.

“I’m offended.” Keith shrugged.

“You never know.” Shiro shook his head and went to grab plates and drinks. Keith finished setting up their meal and took a seat at the table. Shiro offered him a plate and water before filling his own plate with steaming Chinese food.

“Seriously, Keith,” Shiro said, nudging Keith’s leg under the table to get his attention, “thank you for this. I really appreciate it.” Keith shrugged but smiled down at his plate.

“What are boyfriends for, right?” Shiro smiled as he felt Keith nudge him back under the table.

They chatted about Keith’s week as they ate and as Shiro laughed at Keith’s recounting of his calculus test, he couldn't help but feel his mood lift.

“—and at that point, all I could do was turn the test in and hope for the best.”

“I can’t believe you didn't study,” Shiro said, chuckling as he got up to clear the table.

“I told you, I forgot!” Keith defended as he shoved another potsticker in his mouth.

“But then Pidge reminded you.”

“It would not have been the first time Pidge lied to me about a test just to get back at me,” Keith grumbled. Shiro looked over from the sink with an amused expression.

“And why would she need to get back at you?” To his surprise, Keith went red and slide down in his chair slightly. “Keith?”

“I, uh, I may have mentioned you a, uh, just a few times in conversation since first giving you my number. And Pidge _might_ be slightly sick of it.”

“How many times is ‘a few’, hmm?” Keith slid further down.

“Shut up.” Shiro laughed but decide to let him off the hook for now.

“What were the other times?”

“Hmm?”

“You said it wouldn't be the first time. What would have been the other times?”

“Uhhh…last year she told me the day of our chemistry final had been moved because I believe in Mothman but not Bigfoot.” Shiro paused in his dishwashing and cocked his head at Keith in confusion.

“I’m sorry what?”

“Yeah, and before that, I got—”

“No, I’m sorry,” Shiro interrupted, “but we have to talk about that.” He put down the plate and turned, leaning back against the sink. “You believe in Mothman but not Bigfoot?”

“Look, the guy who first ‘found’ Bigfoot tracks later admitted he faked them. Bigfoot wasn't a thing before that. What more can I say?”

“So much more,” Shiro said. “So much more could be said. Like that all countries have some sort of Bigfoot-like creature, for one thing.” Keith shrugged.

“Eh.”

“Okay, but you believe in Mothman? A creature that has only been seen in a small town in West Virginia?”

“The first report is so detailed and reasonable that—”

“What on earth is reasonable about a birdman that has red eyes and supernatural powers?!”

“They went back to verify that they really saw what they thought they saw! _Reasonable._” Shiro stared at Keith, trying to figure out if he was serious or not.

“Keith…I think we need to break up.”

“Oh, shut up!” Keith complained, throwing his crumpled up napkin at Shiro. Shiro raised his hands in defence and laughed.

“Alright fine, what were the other times?” Keith leaned back in his chair.

“She got mad at me for getting a tattoo and not telling her first.” Shiro blinked.

“Wait, you have a tattoo?” Keith smirked.

“I have a couple.”

“Where?” Shiro asked before he could stop himself. Keith raised one eyebrow at him. Shiro felt his face flush. “You, uh, you don't have to—” he started, but Keith was already unbuttoning his flannel shirt.

“The first one I got when I was fifteen. My parents were _pissed_ when they found out. I was grounded for weeks, but I don't regret it.”

“Fifteen?” Shiro repeated numbly, watching Keith pull off his shirt. “I thought you had to be eighteen if you don't have a parent’s permission.”

“You do. I found a super shady guy to do it. Honestly, I’m pretty lucky he didn't fuck it up, but I guess it wasn't too fancy. The one Pidge was mad about, though,I got when I was seventeen, with parents’ permission this time.”

Keith turned around and Shiro gasped. Starting at Keith’s left shoulder were two black and white koi fish facing each other. They moved diagonally down his shoulder and to the right side of his lower back, connected by some kind of overlapping…hexagon maybe? It was incredibly detailed, what with the shading and individual fish scales, and the black ink stood out beautifully against Keith’s pale skin. Shiro reached out his hand hesitantly.

“Can…can I touch it?” Keith shrugged.

“Yeah, knock yourself out.”

Carefully, Shiro reached out a finger and traced the lines of the koi fish’s tail, following it down the fish’s body, around the geometric shape, and down to the other koi. Keith’s back tensed slightly before relaxing.

“It’s beautiful,” Shiro said softly, voice awed. “It must have taken hours.”

“Several. I had to schedule a couple of appointments.”

“Did it hurt?”

“Yeah,” Keith said with a faint chuckle. “A lot, if I’m being honest. Especially the shading. But I think it was worth it.” Shiro traced the outline of the tail again.

“Why did Pidge…?” Keith tensed again.

“She knew I wanted it, but she wanted to be there with me. She was…worried about me. It had some meaning for me, getting this tattoo, and she wanted to be there with me in case I got overwhelmed. She was mad that I “didn't let her be a good friend” and decided to get revenge.”

Shiro desperately wanted to ask what the meaning was behind his tattoo but he hesitated to ask. Keith hadn't offered up any details beyond the fact that it was meaningful to him. Shiro didn't want to pry into secrets he hadn't yet earned the right to know. Instead, he stepped back and Keith slipped his flannel back on.

“What was your first tattoo?”

Keith turned around and pulled flannel aside, revealing an abstract tattoo of a constellation under his collarbone. Shiro touched the tattoo lightly.

“Scorpio?”

“Yeah. It’s for me and my mom.” Keith swallowed and glanced around the room. “I wanted something for me but…I wanted something for her too. It…it was the anniversary.”

Shiro’s heart sunk.

He reached out and pulled Keith into a loose hug, wanting to show his boyfriend his support but giving him the chance to pull away if he didn't want it. Keith stiffened for a minute but quickly wrapped his arms around Shiro, returning the hug. They stayed that way for a while, just enjoying the comforting of another person. Eventually, Keith pulled away and casually wiped at his eyes.

“Anyways, Pidge has a record of lying about tests so I can’t be held totally responsible for my grades.” Shiro laughed lightly.

“Whatever you say. Do you have to head out? You wanna watch something on TV?”

“Nah, I told Kolivan I’d pick up a double shift this weekend so he let me have tonight off. I’m all yours for as long as you’ll have me.” Shiro leaned down to kiss his boyfriend’s cheek.

“I’ll have you for as long as I can.”

“You don't fool me,” Keith warned Shiro, nodding to the notebooks and papers scattered on the coffee table. “You just don't want to get back to work.”

“That’s only partially true,” Shiro countered. Keith snorted and walked over to the coffee table. He picked up one of Shiro’s paper, skimming the page.

“What’s this case about anyways? Holt mentioned at dinner the other night that it was awful, but he didn't really go into detail.”

“When did you have dinner with Matt?”

“Monday. I have dinner at the Holt’s like every other week. Anyway, what makes it so awful?” Shiro groaned and sat down heavily on the couch.

“You want the short version?”

“Sure,” Keith agreed, sitting down next to Shiro. “Give it to me.”

“Well, first off, they’re all a little awful but the one that is really getting to me is the first one. Short version, my client is being charged with insider trading and accessory to murder due to a connection with the mob. Said connection exists because he was being blackmailed by the mob and “coerced” into said insider trading. And I’ve got to meet with him and my father tomorrow with a defence strategy. As well as pin down the defences for twelve other cases by tomorrow. ”  
“What’s the blackmail?” Shiro sighed and rubbed his eyes.

“Making a pass at a mob boss’ niece. An unsolicited pass at an underaged niece. Who happens to be his employee.” Shiro sighed again. “It’s a mess.”

“Are you kidding me?!” Keith asked angrily. “That’s fucking sexual harassment! Are you gonna let him get away with that?!”

“I would like him to get away with none of it,” Shiro said honestly. “But I have to defend him.”

“How can you do that?! How can you defend someone like that?”

“Hey, it’s not like I want to do this,” Shiro defended. “It’s innocent until proven guilty, regardless of what I think.”

“If you don’t want to defend this guy, then why are you doing it?”

“I told you, it’s my job,” Shiro said, anger rising.

“Then get a new job!”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s my _job,_ Keith.” _Kinda._

“Just quit.”

“Oh, brilliant idea Keith. And what do you expect me to do instead?” Shiro snapped. “Be a bartender like you?.”

“_Hey _! I happen to like my job. Do you?!”

“I…” Shiro paused. “I like the idea of helping defend the underdog. I want to help the people who need help and can’t find it anywhere else.”

“And is that what you’re doing?” Keith asked pointedly. Shiro glanced away, not bothering to answer. “Shiro, if this isn't what you want to be doing, then just stop.”

“It’s more complicated than that, Keith.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Keith cross his arms.

“Why?”

Shiro felt all the fight go out of him.

“It’s my father’s company, okay?”

“So?”

“So I have a responsibility, Keith! To my father. My family name. I _need_ to do this. And I need to do this well.”

He waited for the snappish retort, but Keith remained silent. Shiro sneaked a glance at him. Keith was staring down at his lap, fiddling with the woven bracelet around his wrist.

“Keith, I’m s—”

“Why do you care so much?” he interrupted quietly. “Why does it matter so much what your father thinks?”

Shiro opened his mouth, then snapped it closed.

_Why do I care?_

“I…he’s my father, Keith.” Keith looked up at Shiro.

“And because he’s your father you're gonna make yourself miserable?”

“Keith—”

“I’m not trying to be difficult,” Keith said hastily. “I…I genuinely don't understand. Look, from our first date you’ve hinted that things maybe aren't great with your dad, and that’s your business. I get it. But…I don't get why he’s still controlling you? I mean, you're twenty-five years old. Don’t you get to live your own life?”

_No. Yes. You just don't understand. You don't understand tradition and responsibility. You don't know my father. You don't know what he’ll do, what _I _need to do. He’s not controlling me. He just…wants what’s best for me. That’s all. He’s just a hard man. I’ve already strayed from the path. I need to make up. I have to please him. I—_

“I…” Shiro looked away and stared at the wall. “I don’t…I don't think I know how…I don’t…”

Shiro felt a weight on his hand. He glanced down to see Keith’s hand, gently squeezing his own.

“Okay,” Keith said simply. Shiro cocked his head and frowned.

“Okay?” Keith gave him a wry half-smile.

“Shiro, we’ve been dating for like a week. I don't want to get in the middle of things with your family, and frankly, I don't have the right to, anyways. I’m sorry I got…weird with you. I just care about you, and I want you to be happy. And I…freaked out a bit.” Shiro squeezed Keith’s hand back.

“_I’m_ sorry. You tried to do something nice for me, and instead, I got mad and defensive.” Keith shrugged.

“It’s alright.” He leaned in and kissed Shiro gently on the cheek. “All is forgiven.” Keith started to pull back but Shiro followed and kissed him softly. When he pulled back, Keith was grinning at him.

“So you said something about a movie?” Keith prompted. Shiro nodded and reached for the remote. As he logged into his Netflix account, Keith’s hand tugged on his arm. “Shiro?”

“Yeah?”

“So…what are you gonna do? About tomorrow?” Shiro wrapped his arm around Keith and sighed.

“I have absolutely no idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :) 
> 
> [this what the back tattoo looks like if you're curious, and you can even get your own!](https://www.mybodiart.com/products/nemo-small-unique-black-double-koi-fish-temporary-tattoo?utm_medium=Social&utm_source=Pinterest)
> 
> Also, I don't know your username cause it was on the old version, but shoot out to the person on chapter one who suggested Keith should have tattoos! Loved it so much!
> 
> (Chapter title taken from Already Gone by Wild Rivers)


	15. give me a break, trying to die happy one day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m sorry, Takashi, did you say something?” 
> 
> Shiro opened his mouth, the words ‘No, I’m sorry,’ on the tip of his tongue. Then he paused. 
> 
> “Takashi?” He swallowed and looked at his father in the eye. 
> 
> “I said if that’s what you want to call it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seem to have the pattern of a long chapter followed by a really short one...sorry about that. 
> 
> Also, I'm exploring emotional abuse/manipulation mixed with family expectation making it difficult for Shiro to break away (especially with added anxiety/PTSD). And, as anyone who has ever suffered abuse knows, it's a process. Shiro is growing and has been with the help of his friends (and now Keith) but it's going to take time and there are going to be bumps along the way. Be patient with Shiro. (Not his dad though. mentally punch him in the face all you want).
> 
> And relax, no one dies in this chapter

Sleep did not come easily to Shiro that night.

After watching the movie and seeing Keith out, he climbed into bed and tossed and turned for hours. He knew his friends had a point, but the thought of telling his father he couldn't follow in his footsteps…that was something else entirely. So he tossed and turned and worried and when the morning came, Shiro awoke feeling tired and irritable. As he started a pot of coffee, he tried to hype himself.

“Okay, you’ve done good work, Shiro. You have a plan. You have a defence. It’s innocent until proven guilty. Everything’s fine. You can do this.”

“_Look…if you’re going to defend this man, then fine. Defend him. Defend all of them and become the best defence attorney in the world. But, at least be honest about why.”_

Shiro took a sip of his black coffee and grimaced.

“You _can _do this,” he repeated, a little firmer.

He sighed and took another sip of his coffee.

_I don’t think I can do this._

Shiro pulled into the parking lot of his father’s office building twenty minutes later, still feeling exhausted and, thanks to the coffee, buzzing with nervous energy. He silently cursed Matt for getting him hooked on it during their senior year.

He climbed out of his car, straightened his suit, and walked into his father’s office building, as confidently as he could manage. He gave the receptionist a small smile before walking past her to the elevator. He got off on the fifth floor and made his way to the conference room.

Of course, his father was already waiting for him.

Shiro swallowed and inclined his head towards his father.

“Good morning father.” His father glanced at the clock.

“I was expecting you sooner, but I supposed your client isn’t here yet so I’m willing to let it pass. In the future though, you should be more timely.” Shiro simply nodded, too tired to defend himself. “I hope you brought a substantial case?”

“Yes,” Shiro confirmed, setting down his briefcase and pulling out his notes. “I think we have a…workable angle.”

“Hmm. Let’s hope so.” Shiro bit his lip and took the seat to his father’s right and waited. A few minutes later, Mr. Lubos entered, smiling broadly and reaching for his father’s hand.

“Ah, Mr. Shirogane, correct? Wonderful to meet you.” His father offered a polite smile in response and shook his hand.

“Good morning, Mr. Lubos. Shall we begin?”

“Yes, yes.” He nodded at Shiro and offered him the same grin. “What do you have, my boy?”

Shiro cleared his throat and opened his notes.

“Well, Mr. Lubos, I’m not going to lie. This will be a difficult trial. The prosecution has a lot of solid evidence. That being said, there is a detail of the wording here…”

Shiro presented his case to his father and client. As meagre as he felt the defence was in comparison to the evidence, he felt confident, at the minimum, he could reduce the sentence.

His father hummed when he stopped talking, skimming through Shiro’s notes.

“Not bad, Takashi. This is workable. Given a little more time, we will have a solid case for you, Mr. Lubos.” Mr. Lubos leaned back in his chair and grinned.

“Wonderful, wonderful! Thank you, Mr. Shirogane. Your firm really is as good as people say!” His father offered him a small amused smile.

“Yes, well someone needs to look out for the underdog.”

Shiro stared down at the table, stomach-turning.

“…if that’s what you want to call it,” he muttered under his breath. He felt his father glance in his direction.

“I’m sorry, Takashi, did you say something?”

Shiro opened his mouth, the words ‘_No, I’m sorry,_’ on the tip of his tongue. Then he paused.

“Takashi?” He swallowed and looked his father in the eye.

“I said if that’s what you want to call it.”

The room went silent aside from Shiro’s heart pounding in his ears. Mr. Lubos laughed and glanced between the father and son.

“Well, my boy, the work of a defence attorney is very important,” he said smiling widely. Shiro didn’t look away from his father.

“Only if the client is innocent.”

“_Takashi._”

Shiro flinched reflexively. But he kept his eyes on his father.

“Whatever do you—” Mr. Lubos tried, but Shiro cut him off.

“Defence attorneys should defend the defenceless, not bail out criminals.”

“Everyone has a right to a fair trial, though, don’t they, _Takashi_?”

“And how is it fair that rich men get away with crimes against those society deems as less because they can pay someone to make the charge go away? This isn’t _justice_. This isn’t what the justice system was invented for. It’s supposed to give all the facts, not look for loopholes and technicalities. That’s not right.”

Shiro didn’t think he was completely in control of his body. He knew what was happening, believed what he was saying, but he couldn’t quite believe _he_ was actually saying. 

“Takashi, I think that’s _quite_ enough.” His father had that look in his eyes and Shiro’s brain was screaming at him to shut _up_.

"_I don't get why he’s still controlling you? Don’t you get to live your own life?”_

The screaming in his head went quiet as Shiro stood up.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Lubos, but I can’t defend you.”

“Uh, what, I—”

“_Takashi! _”

“I apologise for the inconvenience, but for the sake of my conscious I have to decline your case.”

“Can you do?” Mr. Lubos turned to look at Shiro’s father. “Can he do that?”

“Not if he’s smart.” His father turned to look at him. Shiro swallowed. _If looks could kill…_

“I can’t take this case, father. I can’t take any of these cases. I’ve thought about it and I’m turning down the offer.” Shiro grabbed his briefcase shoving papers inside without rhyme or reason.

“Takashi, think about what you’re doing here,” his father warned

Shiro made his way to the door, staring straight ahead.

“_Takashi_!”

Shiro paused.

“Once you walk out that door, there is no second chance.”

Heart pounding, Shiro glanced over his shoulder. His father was standing, mouth set in a hard line and eyes blazing.

“Goodbye, father.”

And with more courage than he knew he possessed, Shiro walked out the door, his father’s protests echoing behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yup :)
> 
> (Chapter title taken from Tired and Awake by Oliver Riot)


	16. won't somebody hold me and tell me it'll all work out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The look on his father’s face haunted Shiro, even when he closed his eyes, and he shuddered. He didn’t know how he would ever face him again.
> 
> If his father didn’t disown him for this. 
> 
> Shiro burrowed deeper into the blankets.

“_Hey, sorry I missed you. If you leave your name and number, I’ll be sure to get back to you as soon as possible. Thanks!”_

Beep.

_ “Uh, hey Shiro, it’s me, Matt. Just calling to see if you’re still down for movie night. Allura’s hosting which means we get to use the big screen tv so, ya know, score. Anyways just call me or shoot me a text if you’re still coming. Or Allura. But if you message Lura and not me, our friendship is over. Alright, see you tonight!”_

Shiro rolled over and covered his head with a pillow.

After driving back to his apartment in a haze, Shiro had stripped down to his boxers, climbed into his bed, curled up into a ball, and had remained there for the rest of the Friday and most of Saturday, only getting up at the insistence of his bladder. The look on his father’s face haunted Shiro, even when he closed his eyes, and he shuddered. He didn’t know how he would ever face him again.

If his father didn’t disown him for this.

Shiro burrowed deeper into the blankets.

The last thing he wanted to do was go to Allura’s and pretend everything was fine. But if he cancelled on them, he knew they would be suspicious and worried. Last time Shiro had missed movie night had been a few weeks ago when he…hadn’t been doing so great.

No, he had to push through.

With a great sigh, Shiro climbed out of bed. As he walked to the bathroom, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and winced. He almost looked as terrible as he felt.

“Nothing a hot shower can’t cure,” he mumbled under his breath as he stripped off his clothes and turned on the shower.

***

Shiro sat in his car and stared at Allura’s house, trying to summon the strength needed to get out of the car and walk inside. So far he hadn’t found any.

“This is ridiculous,” Shiro told himself, rubbing his face in exasperation. “It’s just Matt and Allura. You can do this.”

Shiro squeezed his eyes closed tight, then unbuckled his seatbelt and climbed out of the car. He walked up to the door and knocked once before just letting himself in. He could hear voices coming from the kitchen.

“—sounds so gross,” Allura was complaining.

“I think you mean delicious,” Matt countered.

“Hey, guys!” Shiro called, slipping off his shoes by the door. Matt poked his head around the corner and grinned.

“Finally! Come tell Allura the cheese and jalapeños powder is delicious on popcorn.” Shiro managed a small smile as he joined his friends in the kitchen. Allura was pouring popcorn into bowls and adding them to the tray of snacks. She rolled her eyes.

“Matt, you would eat just about anything.”

“False! I’d have to be dying before I ate one of your homemade brownies.”

Allura threw a handful of popcorn at Matt’s head. Shiro chuckled as Matt managed to catch a few in his mouth.

“Anyways, aside from snacks, we’re still trying to figure out what movie to watch. Allura said she’d kick me out if I made her watch Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and I told her it would be a cold day in hell before I sit through the emotional trauma that is Up, so….”

“Up is heartwarming,” Allura insisted, grabbing some soda out of the fridge.

“Up is an hour and a half of crying and wondering if you’ll ever find a love as pure!”

“_Obviously_, we need some input. Any suggestions, Shiro?”

“Huh? Oh, uh, I mean I like both of those.” Allura looked over her shoulder to frown at Shiro.

“Okaaaay? Any _other_ suggestions?”

“No, I’m fine with whatever.”

“Wait are you actually not going to suggest Road to El Dorado?” Matt asked, eyebrows raised. “That’s like your favourite movie of all time and you aren’t going to throw it out there?” Shiro shrugged.

“I’m just down for whatever tonight.”

Allura crossed her arms and gave Shiro her most unimpressed face.

“Alright, what’s wrong?”

“What? Nothing’s—”

“Don’t bother,” she interrupted. “Matt got your answering machine, which literally never happens. You texted him back instead of returning the call, which you also never do. You look horrible, no offence, and now you failed to suggest your favourite movie for movie night? Something is obviously wrong, so spill.”

Shiro briefly considered denying it again, but thought better of it. He gave a small shrug and what he hoped was an unconcerned smile.

“I’ve just got some stuff on my mind, that’s all.”

“Is it the case?” Matt asked. “You had that meeting yesterday, right? Was it a bad meeting?”

Shiro hesitated.

“Uh, actually, uh…Iturnedhimdown.”

Matt and Allura looked at each other then back at Shiro.

“I’m sorry, what?” Allura asked. “I didn’t quite catch that.” Shiro swallowed and looked away.

“I…I turned him down.”

Silence met Shiro’s quiet confession. He waited a moment before finally looking back at his friends. Varying degrees of shock were writing on their faces. Matt found his voice first.

“Wait, are you serious? You _actually _walked away? Like, you didn’t just dream it or something?” Allura slapped Matt’s arm. “What?! I just wanna make sure we’re on the same page here.” Shiro offered his friends a little shrug.

“No, I, uh, I didn’t dream it. I told my father I couldn’t work for him and I left.” A slow smile spread across Matt’s face.

“Bro? I’m gonna hug you.” Shiro couldn’t help but smile as Matt launched himself into his arms. “I’m so proud of you,” he mumbled into Shiro’s shoulder. He shook his head and patted Matt’s back.

“That’s incredible, Shiro!” Allura said, eyes wide in surprise but genuine happiness in her voice.“That must have taken incredible courage and I’m, I’m a little speechless honestly.”

“Thanks, guys, I really appreciate the support,” Shiro said, glancing away from them. Matt finally released him and wiped a fake tear away.

“Seriously, though, like took you long enough!” Matt said smiling. “So tell us everything.”

“I already told you, I just told him I couldn’t work for him anymore.” Matt’s smiled dimmed a little.

“Okay, fine, but Shiro come on,” he insisted. “I’ve met your dad and there’s no way that’s the only thing that happened.”

“It’s alright, Shiro.” Allura walked around the counter and came to the other side of him. “You don’t have to tell us everything.” Shiro rubbed the back of his neck and glanced between his two best friends.

“I…I got angry. A part of me couldn’t even believe it was me talking. I actually raised my voice. To my _father_.” Shiro shook his head. “I’ve never done that before. Not even when we fought about my joining the military.” _If you could even call that a fight. _“I was just…I was just so upset and what with everything you guys have been saying and then Keith the other night—”

“Wait, Keith told you to quit too?” Allura interrupted. “When?!”

“He came over Thursday night to surprise me with dinner and the case came up and he, very bluntly, told me I should quit. And I just guess between him and well _everything_ I…I couldn’t take it anymore.”

Allura threw her arms around Shiro and squeezed him.

“I’m so proud of you for standing up for yourself.”

“Is…” Matt hesitated. “Is everything gonna be okay though? With your mom, I mean.” Shiro sighed.

“Trying not to think about it. I’m trying not to think about any of it. My parents, the disappointment, the current lack of employment. But it doesn’t really matter right now. I’m sorry guys, let’s just pick a movie.”

“Don’t apologise,” Matt said. “We’re your friends, Shiro. We’re here for you, whatever way we can.”

“Absolutely,” Allura agreed. “Just say the word.”

“It’s okay, guys. Or at it will be. I don’t want to burden you guys. It’s really not a big—”

“Shiro,” Allura said firmly, “You are _not _a burden okay? We are your friends and we want to support you. You don’t have to tell us anything, of course. You have the right to your privacy, but do not believe for even a moment that you would bother us by asking for helping, even if it’s just for advice. We love you, alright?” Shiro looked back and forth between his friends before wrapping his arms around them both and pulling them into a group hug.

“I love you guys so much,” Shiro told them, swallowing. “I…I’m not even sure what I need or what I’m feeling, I honestly think I’m still in shock, but thank you for being here.”

They stayed in the group hug for a few minutes before they untangled themselves, laughing a little.

“Well,” Matt said clapping his hands together. “I say we put on The Road to El Dorado, eat all the food in Allura’s fridge—”

“Hey!”

“Then fall asleep in a giant pile of pillows and blankets. All in favour?” Allura shook her head fondly but raised her hand in agreement along with Shiro. “Great, all settled then. Shiro, you get the movie. Allura, finish the snacks. And I’ll grab the pillows!”

“Aye aye, Captain Holt!” Shiro and Allura gave mocking salutes before running off to complete their tasks. As Shiro found the DVD, he found himself grinning.

Maybe he really could do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Matt and Allura are good friends and cheese & jalapenos powder on popcorn is nasty. 
> 
> (chapter title taken from I Go Crazy by Orla Gartland)


	17. and i'm not going anywhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I didn’t say it, but I would offer my place too. If you needed it.”
> 
> “Keith—”
> 
> “I mean it, Takashi.” Shiro’s eyes widened. “If you need anything — someone to talk to, a place to crash, help with the job hunt, a home-cooked dinner, or whatever— I’m here for you. Okay?”

Driving home, Shiro felt like a new man. 

Watching The Road to El Dorado with his best friends, eating popcorn and burned cookies, and laughing until their stomachs ached (although if Shiro was being honest, the burned cookies may have played a part in that) and then passing out in a pillow fort had that effect on people. 

Looking back, he felt a little like an idiot for laying in bed for two days and considering skipping out on his friends. Time and time again, Matt and Allura had proven their loyalty and friendship and Shiro couldn’t even begin to express his guilt over doubting them.

Shiro unlocked his front door, tossed his keys on the coffee table, and glanced around his apartment trying to decide what to do next. He was currently unemployed, and his disability compensation that wasn’t going to last forever. He needed to begin the job hunt, sooner versus later, but first…

Shiro pulled out his phone and sent a quick text.

** _To: Keith_ **

** _ You busy right now?_ **

Shiro slipped his phone back in his pocket and made his way towards his bedroom, looking for a fresh change of clothes. His phone buzzed.

** _ From: Keith_ **

** _ Nah, I just woke up.What’s up?_ **

Shiro hesitated for a moment.

“Does he really need to know?” he whispered. After all, they had only been dating for a little while, only gone on two and a half dates. Sure, they were boyfriends, but what did that even mean? Did he really need to tell Keith he was temporarily unemployed?

** _To: Keith <3_ **

** _ Nothing really. I miss you and still feel weird about our fight. But you’re probably still a little tired. We can talk later._ **

** _ From: Keith <3_ **

** _ Sap. Don’t worry about it. I promise we’ll have more fights in the future. Better fights._ **

** _ From: Keith <3_ **

** _ For what’s it's worth though, I miss you too_ **

** _ From: Keith <3_ **

** _ XOXOXO_ **

Shiro rolled his eyes and sent back a kissy face before tucking his phone in his pocket. He could tell Keith later.

***

“What’s that face for?” Keith looked over at Winter leaning against his door frame. Keith shrugged and sat up in bed.

“Nothing. Shiro just sent me a weird text.” Winter raised an eyebrow at him.

“Weird like a drunk text or weird like cryptic?”

“Cryptic weird. I think something’s on his mind but he’s trying to play it off as no big deal.” Winter sighed and stepped fully into Keith’s room, taking a seat at the foot of his bed.

“Look, I’m not actually interested in your boyfriend or your love life, okay?” Keith rolled his eyes but nodded. “But if you think there’s something weird going on with him, then just ask. No need for dramatics, just ask the question and let him choose how he wants to respond.”

"Shouldn't I give him space?"

"Shouldn't you give him the chance to ask for it?"

“Huh.” Keith glanced between his phone and his sister. “When did you get smart, hmm?”Winter smacked his leg.

“Hey! I may not be the little geek, but I’m not stupid. And I’m pretty good with people soooo…”

“Yeah, you are,” Keith agreed, leaning over and kissing Winter on her forehead. “Thanks, Snowflake.”

“Yeah, whatever,” she replied, rolling her eyes but smiling slightly at the nickname.“Anyways, mom sent me in to let you know breakfast is ready.”

“Alright, I’ll be right there.” As Winter left, Keith grabbed a shirt off the ground and sent off a quick text to Shiro.

** _To: Adonis ;)_ **

** _ Hey, you sure you don’t need to talk now? Everything good?_ **

Keith slipped his shirt on and shoved his phone in his sweatpants’ pocket before walking to the kitchen. He kissed his mom on the cheek as he made his way over to the coffee pot.

“Morning, mom.”

“Morning, Keith. Two or three pancakes?”

“Two, please.”

“How come Keith gets two pancakes?” Bella asked, pouting.

“Because Keith is a hardworking adult,” their mother explained. “Speaking off, I didn’t hear you get in last night.”

“Sorry,” Keith said grabbing a mug from the cabinet and pouring himself a cup of coffee. “Some lightweight threw up right before closing so me and Antok had to stay later to clean up.”

“Ewwwwwwww!” Bella squealed. “That’s _gross_!”

“No arguments here,” Keith mumbled, sipping his black coffee. His mom rubbed his back sympathetically.

“Sorry, love. How was the rest of the shift?” Keith shrugged and reached for the syrup.

“It was alright. Got some generous tips so that’s a plus.” He grabbed a forkful of pancakes and started eating.

“Enough for bike repairs?” Keith swallowed and chased the pancakes down with another swig of coffee.

“After another shift or two, yeah, I should be good.”

“Does that mean you’ll take me for a ride soon?” Winter asked, leaning forward excitedly.

“Absolutely not,” their mom answered for him.

“Oh come on! I took his chores last month so he could pick up another shift! I basically paid for the repairs.”

“And I’m sure he’s grateful. But until you get yourself a helmet, you aren’t allowed anywhere near that bike.” She pointed her fork at Keith. “You hear me?” Keith raised his hands in defence.

“Yes, I know! No helmet, no bike!”

“Good.”

“Moooooooom,” Winter groaned. In his pocket, Keith’s phone buzzed.

“Did you know 80% of motorcycle accidents are fatal?” Milo asked, spreading butter on his pancakes.

“Milo, no morbid facts at the table,” their mother said tiredly. “You’ll scare Bella.”

“Mortality should scare everyone, mom.”

Keith smiled as he pulled up his messages.

** _From: Adonis ;)_ **

** _ Yeah, I’m fine. I just have a lot on my mind._ **

** _ To: Adonis ;)_ **

** _ Work stuff?_ **

Keith watched the thinking bubbles dance as Shiro typed and deleted and retyped his message.

“Keith? Food’s getting cold.” He shoved his phone back in his pocket and shot his mom an apologetic look. He took a few more bites before his phone buzzed again. He read the message as discretely as possible.

** _From: Adonis ;)_ **

** _ Not anymore._ **

Keith frowned.

** _ To: Adonis ;)_ **

** _ ???_ **

** _ From: Adonis ;)_ **

** _ …I quit my job._ **

“What?!”

“Everything alright, Keith?” He glanced up to see the worried look on his mom’s face. “You texting Pidge?”

“Huh? No, it’s Shiro. Hold on.”

** _To: Adonis ;)_ **

** _ Really?! Are you okay???? Do you wanna talk????_ **

** _ From: Adonis ;)_ **

** _ …I don’t know._ **

** _ To: Adonis ;)_ **

** _ Do you want me to come over?_ **

** _ From: Adonis ;)_ **

** _ …yes._ **

** _ To: Adonis ;)_ **

** _ On my way_ **

Keith pushed his chair back and stood up.

“Thanks for breakfast, mom, but I’ve got to go. Shiro needs me.”

“Okay? Is everything alright?”

“I’m not sure,” he told her honestly. “But I’m gonna go talk to him and see if I can help.” He kissed her cheek and headed for the bedroom

“Alright. Oh!” she called after him. “While you’re over, invite him over for dinner!”

“Tonight?!” he called back, poking his head out from around the door and slipping on his red jacket.

“Yeah!” Bella cheered.

“_No_,” his mom corrected. “Not for tonight. Just somewhere down the line, when he’s free.” Keith stared at his mom. “Don’t give me that look. You've been on three dates now, and you text all the time. Can you blame me for wanting to meet him?” Keith grabbed his wallet and keys.

“Alright, I’ll mention it. Love you, see you later.”

“You’re welcome by the way!” Winter called out as Keith opened the door. He blew her a quick kiss, then he was out of the door jogging over to his bike, parked in the driveway. He slipped on his helmet, put the key in the ignition, and took off down the road.

As he rode, Keith tried to figure out what he was gonna say. He didn’t know a lot about Shiro’s family or how long Shiro had worked with his father but he knew enough to be sure of two things: (1) Shiro’s dad was a serious piece of work and (2) Shiro cared a lot what his dad thought of him, whether or not he wanted to admit it. So Keith was willing to bet his next paycheck Shiro was gonna be panicking, at least a little. Meaning he didn’t need Keith to come over angry and passionate on his behalf. Keith needed to be level-headed and supportive. So he took a few breaths and mentally rehearsed a few comforting phrases.

Keith pulled up to Shiro’s apartment building, parked on the curb, and took the stairs two at a time. He came to Shiro’s door and knocked loudly.

“Shiro? It’s me, Keith!” he called through the closed door. He pressed his ear against the door, listening carefully. He heard footsteps approaching and jumped back before the door swung open. Shiro stood in the doorway, looking tired and a little worried but he was smiling faintly.

“Hey,” Shiro greeted and opened the door wider so Keith could come inside. Keith crossed the threshold and waited for Shiro to close the door. Once he did, Keith moved forward and wrapped his arms around Shiro. He tensed for a brief moment before wrapping his arms around Keith and returning the hug. They stayed there for a long while, Keith giving all the love and comfort he could and praying Shiro understood. Finally, they pulled back far enough to see each other and Keith offered Shiro a smile.

“Hey yourself.” Shiro smiled and offered Keith a brief kiss. “How are you?” Shiro chuckled weakly.

“Honestly, I’ve been better.” Keith snorted.

“Yeah, I’d bet. You wanna talk about it?” Shiro sighed and stepped away from Keith. Keith’s chest tightened. “You don’t have to,” he quickly reassured, “if you don’t want to.”

“He…he said someone needs to look out for the underdog.” Keith frowned.

“Who said that?”

“My father.” Shiro shook his head and walked over to the couch, sitting down hunched over and head in hands. “It felt like he was taunting me. Reminding me of everything I wanted, everything I stood for, and just throwing it back in my face.” Keith silently made his way to the couch and sat beside Shiro.

“So what happened?” he prompted gently. Shiro let out a humourless laugh.

“I got mad, that’s what happened. I raised my voice, got in his face. I said that what he was doing wasn’t right, wasn’t justice, wasn’t what I wanted.”

“Wow.”

“It didn’t even feel like it was me,” Shiro admitted quietly. “It was like someone else took control of my body and all I could hear was everything my friends had been telling me for weeks. And suddenly I was walking out of the room after announcing I quit.”

“Has…” Keith hesitated. “Has your dad reached out to you? Since your…announcement?” Shiro looked up at Keith and chuckled.

“No. No, course not. That would imply he actually cared.” Shiro laughed again, but Keith didn’t find it funny. “No, if I want to talk about it, I’ll have to come grovelling on my hands and knees before he acknowledges me. Trust me.”

“Have you talked to Holt yet?”

“Matt? Yeah, I told him. He was ecstatic, then abruptly worried about me.”

“Can’t say I blame him,” Keith admitted. “I’m not trying to rush you or anything, but do you know what you’re gonna do? Or are you worried about it?” Shiro shrugged.

“Not as worried as I probably should be. I have decent compensation from the VA and money in savings. That will cover rent and groceries for probably three months at least. I’ll need to start looking for a job, sooner rather than later, but I’m not in immediate danger of being homeless.”

“Even if you were, Holt would offer you a place without missing a beat. And that girl from the bar seems willing to help out.” Shiro frowned in confusion before nodding.

“Allura, yeah. Yeah, you’re right. They would both help although I’d never expect it from them.” Keith couldn’t help but smile at that. It was true there was still a lot he didn’t know about Shiro, but he was nearly certain Shiro was the kind of guy who never thought to ask for help.

“Yeah, but they would anyways. In any case, I’m glad my boyfriend isn’t at risk of homelessness.” Shiro smiled and kissed Keith on the forehead.

“Fingers crossed.”

“Financial concerns sorted, how are you doing?” Shiro sighed and ran his finger through his hair.

“Honestly, I don’t really know. I’m definitely stressed, and I’m worried about how this is going to change everything with my parents. But beyond that, I can’t really pinpoint it. I think I’m still a little bit in shock.”

“Should I get you a shock blanket?” Keith asked, only half-joking. Shiro laughed.

“Only if you curl up with me and watch Parks and Rec.” Keith grinned.

“That can definitely be arranged.” He jumped up and walked down the hall towards the room he assumed was the bedroom. “I’m gonna steal your comforter!” he called as he pulled it off the unmade bed.

“No problem!”

Wrapped up in said comforter, Keith made his way back to the living room where Shiro had queued up Netflix. He unwrapped the comforter and plopped down on the couch, draping the comforter around the two of them. Shiro wrapped his left arm around Keith’s shoulder and Keith leaned close and burrowed in. As the theme music began to play, Keith glanced up at Shiro.

“I didn’t say it, but I would offer my place too. If you needed it.”

“Keith—”

“I mean it, Takashi.” Shiro’s eyes widened. “If you need anything — someone to talk to, a place to crash, help with the job hunt, a home-cooked dinner, or whatever— I’m here for you. Okay?”

Shiro leaned down and kissed him, slow and long.

“Okay,” he whispered when he pulled back just a breath away. “Thank you, Keith, really. I…I can’t explain how much that means to me.” Keith gave him a warm smile.

“What boyfriends are for, right?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is it conceited to say I love the family I invented for Keith? Because I really do love them so much?  
Anyways, thanks for reading :)
> 
> (chapter title taken from The Duet by Penny and Sparrow)


	18. you're a strong one, just carry on and...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “This is because I got you out, isn’t it?”
> 
> “YES! Because you didn’t just get me out, YOU STAYED BEHIND!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter hurts and I'm sorry

“Soooo…?” Allura began, leaning across the table looking eager. “How did the interview go?” Shiro sighed and stirred his coffee.

“Not great.”

“Not great is better than awful, right?” she offered with a little shrug.

“I don’t know. I’m super under-qualified and I said uh too many times and I still don’t fully understand the position I applied for.” Allura tried to hide a wince behind her coffee.

“Okay, so there’s room for improvement,”she conceded. Shiro huffed a laugh and drank his coffee, wincing as it burned his tongue. “But come on, Shiro. You’re smart, you’re charming, you’re resourceful. That has to count for something, right?”

“I haven’t been charming for a couple of years,” Shiro said, only half-joking. “And most employers are more concerned with other things. My job in retail when I was fifteen isn’t all that impressive and my college may have been expensive, but it can’t make up for a lack of work experience.” Allura hummed thoughtfully and took a bit of her muffin.

“Okay, okay. What about the veteran card?”

“First off, you know I hate using that. Second of all, it’s not a miracle worker. I can garner up some sympathy, but I can’t use it to make me qualified in for a job I know nothing about.”

“Well, what do you want to be doing?” Shiro sighed into his coffee.

“I have no idea,” he admitted after a moment. “For as long as I can remember, the plan was to go to school, become a lawyer, join the firm. My military career was an unfortunate but correctable deviation from the plan, but that’s it. I’ve never really thought about a plan B.”

“Didn’t you want to be a pilot?”

“Yeah, when I was a kid. But I flew one time when I was sixteen. Surely I need some training or something, and that’s not something I have time for right now.”

“Have you talked to Keith about it?” Allura offered a little smile. “I’m sure he has an opinion.”

“Honestly, he doesn’t. We talked about it a week or so ago, and he just told me he believed in me and that I would figure it out. Which is nice but not overly helpful.”

Shiro stared down at his half-eaten bagel. “I really don’t know what kind of job I’m interested in. And I’ve got a feeling until I figure that out, I’m gonna keep showing up to interviews that I’m unprepared to apply for a job I don’t really want.”

“Well, it sounds like we have a plan of attack at least,” Allura pointed out, sipping her coffee. “First we have to figure out what kind of job you’re interested in. Have you ever considered running for President?”

Shiro threw a piece of his bagel at her, smiling.

“You sound more and more like Matt every time we talk.” Allura chuckled.

“Aren’t you Americans always saying to dream big? Okay, fine. No politics. What about a flower shop?”

“What about them?”

“You could work in a flower shop?”

“Allura, I’m allergic to pollen.”

“Coffee shop? Shiro snorted.

“Can you imagine me working in some trendy coffee shop selling overcomplicated drinks to hipsters?”

“Okay, bartender?” Shiro thought back to his argument with Keith a few weeks ago and winced.

“I’m gonna have to say no.”

“Banker?”

“I was a PolySci major, not finances.”

“Model?”

“I’m looking for genuine suggestions, Allura.”

“Hey! That was genuine!” Allura protested. “You’re much better looking than you give yourself credit for.”

“Next.”

“Nanny?”

“Okay, now you’re just being mean.” Allura chuckled.

“No, I’m trying to make you smile.” Her smile faded and her eyes grew more serious. “Honestly, Shiro, there’s a thousand things you could do. Maybe instead of just going to job interviews, you should try making a list.”

“A list?”

“Yeah, sort of like a pros and cons list. But instead, they are things you’re interested in and potential jobs that could stem from those interests.” Shiro hummed thoughtfully.

“That’s not a bad idea,” he conceded. Allura laughed lightly. She finished her last sip of coffee and stood up.

“That’s the spirit,” Allura said wryly, kissing Shiro lightly on the cheek. “I’ve got to go but I want you to do some thinking. Call Matt. Or Keith. Or both. Get some perspective, okay?”

“Okay, I’ll try.”

***

“Have you considered being a nanny?” Shiro groaned while Matt’s laughter echoed from the kitchen.

“Why is everyone so mean to me?” Keith laughed, sounding slightly distorted on the speakerphone.

“Alright fine, no teasing. Read the list again?” Shiro looked over his list and rubbed the back of his neck.

“So far, for interests, I’ve got movies, food, animals, art, justice, friends, and flying. Possible jobs I’ve got actor, director, producer. Basically just anything in the film industry. I’ve got a chef—”

“And food critic,” Matt chimed in, re-entering the living room. He took his seat on the couch beside Shiro and handed him a beer. “Also, maybe a grocer.”

“You’d look hot in an apron.”

“_Anyways_,” Shiro said, rolling his eyes but smiling slightly, “I’ve also got a vet or maybe a dog groomer? I’ve got nothing for art other than liking it—”

“I told you, be a super famous artist,” Matt interrupted. “Problem solved.”

“Yes, thank you for your input, Matthew.” Matt shrugged and took a swig of his beer.

“Just throwing out ideas.”

“Okay, so what do you have for justice?” Keith asked. “You know, aside from lawyer?”

“I don’t know. I thought maybe a cop, but I don’t know.”

“Why not? Cop sounds reasonable. It doesn’t require you to go back to school like a veterinarian would, and it doesn’t sound as…I don’t know…out there? as the film industry, although you definitely have the face of an actor.”

“Yeah, but not the talent.” Matt took another swig of his beer. “You should have seen him in Grease. He was terrible.”

“Again, _thank_ you, Matthew.”

“Wait, hold on, is there any video of this?” Keith asked eagerly.

“Moving on!” Shiro interjected, hurriedly. “It’s basically between cop and pilot in my mind.” Keith hummed. 

“Holt? You got a vote?” Shiro glanced over at his best friend. Matt fiddled with his beer bottle, staring down at it thoughtfully.

“Honestly? I think you’re better suited for a cop versus a pilot, although I’ve never seen you fly so what do I know.” Matt sighed and continued to stare at his bottle.

“But?” Shiro prompted, sensing his friend had more to say.

“But I’m not crazy about Mr. Hero Complex being a cop.” Shiro rolled his eyes.

“Matt, I don’t have a hero—”

“Yes, you do.” Matt looked up from his beer and stared at Shiro, eyes hard and voice trembling. “Don’t you dare look me in the eyes and try to tell me otherwise. Not after the shit I saw you do. You have a hero complex and that’s just one of the reasons I’m not over the moon about you putting on a uniform.”

Not again.

He didn’t say it, but Shiro wasn’t stupid. He could hear it in the way Matt’s hands tightened around the neck of the bottle and his jaw clenched. Shiro swallowed dryly, feeling caught off guard. It wasn’t often Matt talked about their time overseas and Shiro didn’t know how to proceed, especially not with Keith sitting on the other line.

“Well, let’s stick a pin in it for now,” Keith suggested after an awkward beat of silence. “You don’t have to make a decision right now.” There was another uncomfortable pause. “Well, I think I should go.”

“Keith—”

“Nah, I’ve procrastinated my essay long enough. I’ll talk to you later, Shiro. Bye Holt.”

Click.

Shiro looked at the phone for another second, half hoping Keith would change his mind and call back, before forcing himself to turn towards his best friend. Matt swallowed but didn’t look away.

“Matt…” Shiro began uncertainly. “I…I’m not gonna be stupid, you know that right? Whatever I decide to pursue, I’m not gonna be reckless about it.” Matt snorted and rolled his eyes.

“Of course you are. You may have fooled Keith into thinking you’re some kind of golden boy, but I know you better than that.” Matt swallowed again and rubbed wearily at his face. “You’re reckless with yourself. You always have been and Daibazaal didn’t help.”

“Matt—”

“You’re not expendable, okay?” Matt stood up and began to pack back and forth in front of the couch, arms flailing wildly. “You matter to people and I don’t want your stupid self-sacrificing personality—”

“This is because I got you out, isn’t it?”

“YES! Because you didn’t just get me out, _YOU_ STAYED BEHIND!”

“And I was, what? Just supposed to let you _DIE_?”

“NO, YOU **ASSHOLE**! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO VALUE YOUR OWN LIFE MORE THAN MINE!”

Matt froze and buried his face in his hands.

“I thought I was gonna lose you, Shiro. When I heard them drive away and realised they weren’t about to shoot me and leave my body in the desert, I thought that was it. I thought I was going to have to spend the rest of my life knowing I had gotten out and my best friend was—”

Shiro jumped to his feet and wrapped his arms around Matt, pulling him close to his chest. Matt clung to Shiro, shaking and gasping for breath.

“I…I thought I had…I had lost you, Shiro. For…for a whole…a whole year.I…I thought…I had thought…”

Shiro swallowed the lump in his throat and tightened his grip around Matt.

“I’m so sorry. I never thought…I’m so sorry.”

He wasn’t sure how long they stood there, Matt privately reliving his year of hell and Shiro offering worthless apologies that could never make up. At some point, Matt stopped shaking and Shiro loosened his grip. He wiped at his eyes and offered Shiro a weak smile.

“Uh, so…that happened and…”

“And I think we are gonna put a pin in the job hunt for now,” Shiro finished, wiping at his own eyes. “Keith’s right. Probably shouldn’t jump into things.”

“Yeah, smart guy, that one.” Shiro chuckled.

“Don’t tell him, it’ll go to his head.”

“Secret’s safe with me.” Matt back and rubbed his face again. “I should probably head out. Tomorrow’s a test day, but still gotta make sure the test is all set and that I have something for them to do if they finish quickly. I’ll see you, Shiro.”

“Drive safe, Matt.”

He walked him down to the front door, still feeling a little raw. As Matt climbed into his car, Shiro called out,

“And, for what it’s worth, I wouldn’t be…I…I have more to live for than I ever thought. I…I won’t just…”

Matt put up his hand, interrupting Shiro’s fumbling.

“I know, buddy. I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, everything hurts and I'm sorry.   
To provide some levity, if, in a few chapters, Shiro were to get Keith a bouquet of flowers, what kind do you think he would get? Roses, sunflowers, daisies, something else? Comment below and give me your thoughts, please :) 
> 
> (chapter title taken from To Be Brave by Bryde, a good song for my soldier boys)


	19. take my mind and take the pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I want to be there for Shiro but I don’t know how.” 
> 
> He looked at Pidge, desperation creeping into his voice. 
> 
> “I’ve never been in anything echoing a serious relationship before and I really like him and I want this to last and I don’t want to fuck this up because I don’t know how to support him.”

** _From: Adonis ;)_ **

** _ About to head to the interview_ **

** _ To: Adonis ;)_ **

** _ You’re gonna do great! Good luck xoxo_ **

“You texting Shiro?”

“Yup.” Keith slipped his phone back in his pocket and picked up his controller again. “He’s leaving to get to his job interview.”

“Cool.” Pidge selected the track and they waited for the countdown. Just as they started down the track she added, “He’s going for the cop thing, right?”

Keith huffed a little laugh, tilting his controller as he took the turn.

“Nice try.”

“What?”

“You aren’t gonna distract me with Shiro so you can sneak a win.”

“Oh please,” Pidge huffed indignantly as she drove her car through a power booster. “I don’t need cheap distraction to beat you.”

“Doesn’t mean you try anyways—did you fucking turtle me!?!” Pidge cackled as she drove past his car, moving to third place.

“As I said, I don’t need cheap distraction.”

“Whatever,” he muttered, glaring at his screen and taking the road for the bridge shortcut. He rammed into one of the NP racers, effectively shoving one off of the bridge and grinned. They finished the first lap in silence before Pidge sighed.

“Come on, Keith. I’m genuinely interested,” she insisted, leaning into the turn. Keith sighed as he used his speed booster to sneak into fourth.

“Yeah, he’s going for the cop thing. Filled out the application forms, and now need to interview before moving onto the next phase.” He launched a turtle shell at Pidge and grinned as it made contact.

“Ah fuck you!”

“Sorry, I’m gay.” Pidge groaned.

“That joke is never funny, you know. Like literally never funny.”

“I think it’s a little bit funny.” He swerved to avoid a banana peel and glanced over at Pidge. “How’s your brother doing? Ya know, with everything?”

“He’s…bothered by it but is trying not to let it show. He wants to support Shiro as his best friend but…he’s not over the moon.”

“Does…?” Keith hesitated, only too aware of the boundaries he might be crossing. “Do you know why?”

She stared at the TV, giving no indication of hearing his question.

“Pidge?” She sighed as they started the final lap. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. I—”

“He bounced back pretty well”, she interrupted, still focused on the screen. “As soon as he was cleared by the doctors, he applied for his job and he's been there for the past year and a half. He likes the kids, likes the work. He does pretty good.”

She fell silent. Keith hesitated before pausing their game.

“But…?”

“He’s a pretty good liar. And no matter how much he insisted everything was fine, I—” She stopped and stared down at the floor, biting her lip absent-mindedly. “I could hear him crying sometimes. I…I know that he wasn’t coping as well as he wanted us to think. And I think…I think he was more afraid than he wants to admit.”

“Does he ever, uh, talk about..,” Keith fumbled for words, “…his time?” Pidge gave a humourless chuckle.

“Sometimes. But always in that Matt ‘let me tell you about that time I was a hero’ kind of way. He doesn’t really talk about what happened with us. Although he did start seeing a therapist a few months ago.”

“Yeah? Do you know if it’s helped?” Pidge turned to him, eyebrow cocked.

“Is this about Shiro? Cause, while I know you’re fond of my brother, you’ve never asked about his service before.” Keith rubbed the back of his neck and didn’t meet her eyes.

“I sort of…I overheard a conversation I don’t think I was supposed to hear.”

“Eavesdropping, Keith? Really?”

“No,” Keith denied. “I was on speaker with Shiro and Holt, er, Matt, when they were going over possible jobs and, I don’t know. I think they forgot I was there.” Pidge gave him a suspicious look but gestured for him to continue. “Anyway, Holt, uh, Matt, got…upset I guess? I don’t know. It’s not like he started yelling or anything, but…”

Keith sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. Truthfully, Holt hadn’t really done anything but there had been something. Maybe a tremor in his voice? Or that his joking tone felt a little too sharp. Maybe he was just overanalysing. But Keith was sure there was something more going on, and maybe if he could understand Holt better then he would know how to approach Shiro.

“But…?”

“He just sounded a little off. And if Matt, one of the most happy-go-lucky people I know can feel a little fucked up about his time overseas, it’s not a stretch to think Shiro might be in the same boat. I just…it sounded like it was a bit of a sore spot, maybe. And I want to be there for Shiro but I don’t know how.” He looked at Pidge, desperation creeping into his voice. “I’ve never been in anything echoing a serious relationship before and I really like him and I want this to last and I don’t want to fuck this up because I don’t know how to support him.”

“Well, I can’t tell you everything. Partly because I don’t know everything and partly because it’s not my story to tell.” She gave Keith a sharp warning glance. Keith raised his hands in surrender and she nodded. “I can tell you though, that Matt has a lot of guilt about coming back before Shiro did.”

“Yeah, he mentioned something about Shiro having a hero complex and not wanting him back out there.”

“Shiro is the one who got Matt out, something that Matt’s never really forgiven either of them for.” Keith bit his lip, questions on the tip of his tongue.“I’ve got to admit, I kinda get where he’s coming from.” She leaned back on her hands and sighed. “I get that soldiers make pretty decent cops and cops make good soldiers for roughly the same reasons: training, experience, and ideals. But I also think that putting people with PTSD in similar situations as the events that lead to the trauma can be a bad idea. I mean, I remember the way Matt barely held it together during July, what with all the fireworks. Now imagine giving him a gun.”

Keith barely repressed a shudder. He stared down at the ground, guilt settling in.

“Do…do you think I did the wrong thing? By encouraging him to give this a try?” Pidge reached over and put a hand on his shoulder. Keith glanced up and met her eyes.

“Honestly, no. I don’t think people should be defined or limited by their pasts. That being said, I think Shiro should talk to someone. And I’m not the only one.”

“Yeah?” Pidge nodded.

“Matt and Allura have been telling Shiro he needs to talk to someone for a few months now, and I’m pretty sure his doctor mentioned it too. Or at least he should have. But for whatever reason, Shiro is hesitant.”

“Can’t say I blame him. Going to therapy feels a little like you’re crazy, and when Thace made me go, I was so resistant and terrified they were gonna take one look at me and say there’s no hope.” He chuckled. “Now I know that’s total bullshit and therapy can actually be really helpful but, until you go, all you know is what you know.”

Pidge nodded.

“Well, maybe between the four of us, we can get him to go to at least one session.” Keith smiled.

“Yeah, maybe.”

***

They had paused their game for a snack break when Pidge abruptly remembered something Keith had said early.

“So Keith,” Pidge began, a slow smile spreading across her face. “You’re looking for a serious relationship, huh?”

Keith choked a little on his drink, only making Pidge smile wider. Keith was rarely flustered.

“Should I take that as a yes?” she asked, snickering. Keith finally stopped coughing and glared.

“A little warning, Pidge? _Jesus_.”

“Oh come on. It was an innocent question.” Keith sighed and grabbed a handful of chips.

“Yeah, I like the guy. This shouldn’t be shocking. After all, you listened to me talk about our first date for like an hour.”

“Yeah yeah, but there’s a difference between thinking someone’s hot and you wanna make out with them versus wanting a serious relationship. And, no offence, but you aren’t usually a serious relationship kind of guy.” Keith shrugged but Pidge could see his face going slightly red.

“Well, maybe I want something different.”

“_Keith_,” Pidge said, feeling a little exasperated. “Come on, it's me.”

“Okay, yeah, fine. I like him. A lot. He’s the best guy I’ve gone out with…ever probably.”

“Was that so hard?”

“_Yes_,” Keith insisted. Pidge dropped her smug smile and moved closer to her best friend.

“Keith?”

He rubbed his face and sighed.

“I don’t know how to do this,” he admitted quietly. “I _don’t_ do serious relationships and I already care so much. What if I mess everything up because I say the wrong thing or I come on too strong or I get too involved or I don’t support him the right way or—”

“Keith, take a breath!” Pidge interjected reaching out for her best friend. He closed his eyes tight and took a quick breath.

“I really don’t want to mess this up, Katie.” Pidge tried to hold back her surprise. Keith hadn’t called her Katie since their fight about his tattoo.

“You won’t,” she assured gently. Keith opens his eyes and looked intently at Pidge.

“How do you know?” he demanded and Pidge could see tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. “I always mess things up. I’ve gotten a lot better but you know how Ican be. How I still am. I push people away, I can be oblivious towards social cues and other peoples feelings. I’ve still got my trust issues. This is so good and things are so good right now, and what if I screw everything up?”

“Keith, most people don’t screw things up on purpose. I’m not saying that mistakes won’t be made, cause mistakes are always made. You guys are human. But I think Shiro cares a lot about you, and you care a lot about Shiro, and I just don’t think two people who really care about each other are gonna go out of their way to screw up their relationship. I think you guys have to talk. I mean, you’ve only been dating a couple of weeks, but I’m sure you have come across some things you wanna ask about but haven’t yet?”

Keith nodded.

“So talk about them. I’m not saying give a full backstory,” she clarified when she saw the panic in his eyes. “But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with acknowledging there’s an elephant in the room and promising to address it at some point.”

Keith nodded again.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think we could do that.” He gave Pidge a smile. “You’re a little bit smart, you know that?” Pidge scoffed and shoved Keith playfully.

“Of course I know that. That’s why my GPA is so much better than yours.”

“Hey! I am a working man, thank you very much. And I’m doing alright in my classes.”

“Just cause Keaton hasn’t graded our last test yet.”

“Oh shut up!” A soft buzz sounded, and Keith reached into his pocket. He read something on his phone and grinned. “Hey, Shiro finished the interview!”

“Yeah? How’d it go?”

“He says he thinks it went good,” Keith replied, already texting him back. “We’re gonna get dinner to celebrate.”

“Awww, precious.” Pidge reached over and pinched Keith’s

“Hey! My boyfriend’s a cop in training! He’ll defend my honour if I tell him too!” Pidge laughed.

“Sorry, but I don’t think Shiro’s gonna fight me.”

“Yeah, probably not. But he might briefly consider it.” Pidge laughed again and walked over to the TV.

“So ready for me to kick your butt again?”

“I won the last two times.”

“Eh, details,” Pidge said dismissively, grabbing the control. Keith sat down beside her and queued up the game. She watched him out of the corner of her eye and smiled. It was good to see Keith looking so happy and cop or not, she would kick Shiro’s ass if he hurt her friend. Which reminded her…

“So boyfriend huh?”

“Ugggh!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hell yeah, we're doing some writing from Pidge's pov!
> 
> Thanks for reading, and same question from last chapter stands: what flowers do you think Shiro would get Keith? I've got a few good ideas but I'm curious if anyone has some more
> 
> (chapter title taken from Heal by Tom Odell)


	20. if i'm being honest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I worry about you, Takashi,” he whispered. “I worry that you’re trying so hard to be strong that you’re gonna fall apart. And I’m worried I’m just gonna stand there and let it happen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: past abuse (it's pretty mild but still)

“When I said we should get dinner to celebrate, this isn’t what I meant."

Shiro laughed at the pout on Keith’s face. He took a bite of his pizza and gave him an innocent smile.

“I feel pretty celebrated,” Shiro remarked, laughing faintly. Keith shoved at him half-heartedly.

“Come on, Shiro. I wanted to do something special. Pizza in is just an ordinary date night.” Shiro finished his piece of pizza before batting his eyes at Keith.

“Being with you makes it special.” Keith rolled his eyes.

“Oh, shut up.”

“I’m serious!” Shiro insisted. “I really like being with you, we don’t have to go somewhere special.” Keith rolled his eyes again. “I feel very celebrated, I promise. And we can go get dessert later to make it even better. I’ll even let you pay.”

That got a laugh out of Keith, who shoved him again but reached for his own slice.

“Fine.” He took a bite then glanced at Shiro. “I really am happy for you. I know it was just the interview, but still. You worked for this and I’m proud.” Shiro looked away, his face growing warm.

“Uh, thanks.” Keith chuckled and leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek.

“You’re adorable.”

“Oh, shut up.” Keith laughed again but returned his attention to his pizza.

They chatted easily as they ate their meal and Shiro could feel his heart-melting. As much as he had appreciated Keith’s offer of a fancy dinner to celebrate, he really did prefer this. So much of his childhood had felt formal. He remembered posing for family portraits in a well-tailored, yet uncomfortable suit in elementary school. He remembered his mother hosting dinner parties in middle school and having to tell his father’s colleagues his report card over and over again. He remembered a firm hand on his shoulder and strained smile in high school, agreeing that he was so excited to join the firm one day. He remembered meals eaten at the dining room table in near silence, save a few tense questions.

He remembered the first time he had dinner at Matt’s. Watching Matt kick Pidge under the table and her tossing some of her dinner at him in retaliation. Matt’s parents seeing it and just laughing. Them talking to Matt, and Pidge, and Shiro about their lives, and actually caring about the details. He remembers leaving that night and thinking it was the best meal he’d ever had, although he couldn’t remember for the life of him what they had eaten.

“What are you smiling about?” Shiro looked over at Keith and shrugged.

“Just remembering something nice.” He wrapped an arm around Keith and buried his face in Keith’s hair.

“Must have been. You’ve never been this affectionate.” Before Shiro could pull away Keith added, “I like it.”

Shiro let out the breath he had been holding and resettled against Keith.

“I was remembering the first time I went to Matt’s house for dinner,” he admitted quietly, “and how crazy his family is.” Keith laughed.

“Oh yeah, watching Matt and Pidge interact for the first time was probably pretty jarring for an only child.” Shiro smiled.

“It was. I had never seen a family liked that before.” Keith shifted and looked up at Shiro.

“What do you mean? Are all your friends the only child?”

“No, no,” Shiro said with a little laugh, then paused. “Well, maybe? I don’t know. I, uh, I didn’t really have a lot of close friends growing up, so I never really interacted with their families. It was, uh, my family was pretty different growing up, and it was something I, I don’t know. It was something I sort of knew but it wasn’t something I understood I guess. I thought maybe all families are like this behind closed doors. And then I met the Holts and I realised how wrong I was.”

Shiro started slightly when Keith’s thumbs wiped at his cheeks. He looked down at Keith, who was stilled cuddled under his arm and stared in confusion at the sadness in his boyfriend’s eyes.

“Shiro, you’re crying.”

Shiro wiped at his face and stared in confusion his wet fingers.

“I uh…”

“Shiro?” Keith’s voice was gentle as if he thought one wrong word might break him, and Shiro wasn’t sure if he was wrong. “Have…have you talked to your dad at all? Since…?”

Shiro let out a harsh laugh and shook his head.

“No, of course not. He won’t talk to me unless I’m calling to apologise, and he won’t call me because that would mean actually acknowledging me.” Keith flinched at the harshness of his words.

“I’m sorry,” Shiro said almost immediately, wiping at his eyes again.“We’re supposed to be celebrating, not…doing whatever this is.”

“No, I…” Keith trailed off and shook his head. “I want to talk. Not necessarily about this. But I want to talk.” Shiro frowned at him.

“Okay?” Keith looked down at his woven bracelet and Shiro had the distinct feeling he was missing something.

“Look, I don’t think it’s some big secret that there are…aspects of our lives that we don’t talk about. And that’s fine,” he assured quickly. “I think people are entitled to their secrets. But I think it’s important to acknowledge them and, I don’t know, set up some boundaries? Cause it’s important to talk about things. And to know that we aren’t going to talk about things. Or know that we have to talk about things. Does any of that make sense?”

Shiro nodded hesitantly.

“Sure?” Keith rubbed his face wearily.

“I’m not explaining this well. Look, I know that you don’t like to talk about your time overseas or your family and I’m not asking you to give me every detail of what happened. But, I don’t know, I guess I want you to be able to tell me that. To tell me there are things you don’t want to talk about or aren’t ready to talk about, instead of pretending everything is fine. Cause, I’m not stupid. I can tell you have secrets and like I said, I think people are entitled to their secrets. Just, I don’t know, just admit that you have secrets. And I’ll do the same.”

“Keith…” Shiro pulled away and rubbed the back of his neck. “I—”

“We don’t have to right now,” Keith interrupted. “Just food for thought, okay?”

“Keith, you don’t want to hear…I mean everything’s…I—”

“Shiro, I really like you, okay? And…and I’m really worried I’m going to fuck this whole relationship up because I can be too stubborn, or pushy, or closed off, or insensitive and I’m really trying not to because I want this relationship to actually work. So please, talk to me.”

All Shiro could do was stare. Keith was looking at Shiro, staring at him with his big pleading eyes and Shiro had no idea how to respond. On what planet…how on earth did Keith think…

“Keith…you aren’t going to ruin this.” Shiro let out an incredulous little laugh. “If anything, _I’ll_ be the one to mess this up, not you. I’m, ha, I’m the fucked up soldier with PTSD and a missing arm. All you’ve done is you’ve made me laugh, and fed me when I forgot, and listened when I needed it, and talked when I wanted a distraction. You haven’t…I’m the one…” Keith grabbed his prosthetic hand and kissed it softly.

“I worry about you, Takashi,” he whispered. “I worry that you’re trying so hard to be strong that you’re gonna fall apart. And I’m worried I’m just gonna stand there and let it happen.”

“Keith—”

“I’m sorry,” he interrupted hastily. “I’m being stupid. We’ve only been dating like a month, there’s no reason to—I’m getting weird.” Keith stood up and grabbed his jacket, smiling tightly. “Everyone has a past, no need to overthink things that don’t matter, right? Let’s just forget it and—”

Shiro stood up and grabbed Keith’s arm.

“Stop. You’re my boyfriend. That means it isn’t weird that you want to talk. I’m the one who’s being weird.”

“No, I shouldn’t have pushed—”

“Keith, could you please stop interrupting?” Keith’s mouth snapped closed. “I’m not mad at you and… you’re not wrong. I do need to talk more. To you. To my friends. To a lot of people. So let’s sit down and talk.”

“We really don’t have to,” Keith insisted, even as he followed Shiro back to the couch. “That’s not fair of me to demand you to open up about things that you don’t want to.”

“I agree. It wouldn’t be fair of you to demand I open up to you. How lucky for us that you aren’t forcing me to do anything.” Shiro took Keith’s hand in his. “I really struggled to ask you out, and it wasn’t because I didn’t like you. I had to talk to Matt and Allura probably too many times to get the courage to text you and then actually go on the date. And when they asked me what was holding me back, it was always the same answer: I didn’t feel good enough for you.”

“Shiro…”

“I still don’t, if I’m being honest. You just…I’m a bit of a mess and I don’t think it’s strictly because of my time overseas. And you seem so normal and confident and beautiful and _good _and you really don’t have to settle for me. So I hold back, I guess, because I want to seem like I’m, I don’t know, good? Normal? Functional?” Shiro let out a small laugh although he supposed this wasn’t all that funny.

“I think it’s had the opposite effect though. And for that I’m sorry.” Keith pulled his hand away and shook his head. Shiro’s heart sunk.

“Shiro…you’re a bit of an idiot. I’m…I’m not perfect. Not by a long shot. Trust me, _any one_ of my friends or family will tell you that. Everyone’s a mess and I appreciate you admit that you are too, but I’m not better than you. My life isn’t…I meant it when I said everyone has a past. I…” Keith took a shaky breath and glanced away. “I’ve got my own issues. And that’s okay. I’m not asking you to be perfect or normal or what. And I’m sure as hell not gonna be perfect either. I’m just shooting for honesty, okay?”

Shiro let out the breath he hadn’t realised he was holding.

“Honesty? Yeah, I think I can manage that.”

“Good. If you’re up for it, I’ll go first.”

Shiro gave him a hesitant nod.

“Okay. Okay, right.” Keith fiddled with his bracelet in a way that Shiro was starting to recognise as nervousness. “So what do you wanna know?”

“Oh? Oh! Well uh…” Shiro bit his lip and glanced away. He had a lot of things he wanted to ask but the last thing he wanted to do was offend or upset Keith.

“I can ask first if—”

“Were you held back?” Shiro blurted out. Keith cocked his head. “Never mind, I’ll ask something—”

“Is that seriously the first thing you want to ask me?” Keith asked.

“Well, I mean, you’re nineteen and still in high school,” Shiro defended weakly. “I’m a little curious.” _And school feels safer than dead mothers and distant fathers._

“Okaaay. If you really want to know, I missed roughly a year and a half of school when I was younger. My father…he had a rough time after my mom died and he checked out a little, well, a lot if I’m being honest. And things slipped through the cracks. Like taking me to school. So I was behind my classmates and got held back.”

He offered Shiro a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes and Shiro knew there was more to the story. And he knew that he could ask about it if he really wanted to. And Keith would give as honest of an answer as he could.

“Oh. Uh, thanks for telling me.” Shiro heisted before asking, “You have anything you want to know?”

“Are you and your dad okay?” Shiro let out a burst of nervous laughter.

“Okay, you’re really going for it, huh?”

Keith gave Shiro a half-smile and waited. He didn’t appear expectant though, as if he was waiting for Shiro to spill his deepest darkest secrets. No, it was more…willing. As though he was ready to take whatever Shiro wanted to give him, no more and no less.

“Uh, my father and I have…our relationship is…difficult.” Shiro glanced to the side. It was easier to talk if he couldn’t see Keith directly.“There’s a lot of expectations that I struggle to meet, let alone exceed. I…it’s not easy to explain and I don’t really like to talk about it. Not now at least.” He risked a glance at Keith, fearing the worst. Instead, Keith nodded encouragingly.

“Okay, noted. Thanks for telling me that. Okay, anything else you’re desperate to know? Oh, and Shiro? Don’t hold back cause you’re afraid to hurt me, alright? I’m tougher than I look, and if you push too far, I will have no problem telling you.”

Shiro couldn’t help a smile at that.

“Duly noted. Can…can I ask about your tattoo? On your back?” Keith tensed ever so slightly, but enough for Shiro to notice. “It’s just, you mentioned there was some meaning to it and…”

“Yeah, there is. It’s kinda a long story that I don’t want to get into right now—”

“That’s okay, I completely understand—”

“But the short version,” Keith continued, “is that I wanted something that linked where I’ve come from to where I am now. That’s why I have the two koi fish meeting in the middle and surrounded by the hexagons. I will always have my past, but I get to choose how it interacts with my future.” Keith smiled and curled up into the couch more. “I’ll tell you the longer version later, okay?”

_No, that’s not okay, _Shiro thought with slight disappointment. _Now I just have more questions._

“Okay, I can wait,” Shiro lied. “What else do you want to know?”

“I have a lot of questions about your time in the army—” Shiro flinched instinctively “—but right now, I’m just curious as to why you joined up in the first place. From what you’ve said, you were gonna go to college and do the whole lawyer thing right out of high school. What changed?”

“_The military?” His father actually lowered the newspaper to raise an eyebrow at Shiro.“I thought we had decided on Harvard after high school?”_

_ “No, you decided on Harvard. I wasn’t consulted in the matter.”_

_ “Oh, don’t be so dramatic, Takashi. It’s the best school money can buy. As long as you keep up with your studies and extracurriculars, everything will go according to plan and come next fall—”_

_ “It’s _**_your_** _plan, not mine!” His father lowered the paper completely and stood up. Shiro’s heart lifted. Maybe he had a chance. “Father, I think I have—”_

_ The slap came to quickly for Shiro to react._

_ “I won’t tolerate disrespect in my home. Do you understand?” his father said sternly. “You _ ** _will_ ** _ go to college.”_

_ “I’m already enlisted,” Shiro whispered to the floor, face burning. _

_ “You would destroy your future for what? The chance to play the hero?” He clicked his tongue in disapproval as he walked towards his study. “I thought I taught you better than that.”_

_ “Father, I—”_

_ “Goodnight, Takashi. Try not to die.”_

“Shiro?” A hand gently touched his own and Shiro flinched, drawn out of his memories. Shiro refocused and saw Keith looking at him, expression equal parts concern and guilt. “Sorry, you don’t have to tell me.”

“No, no it’s fine. I was just remembering…never mind. The question was why I joined the army, right? I’m still not completely sure why, myself,” Shiro admitted with a slight shrug.

“I had been interested in the Air Force because I liked flying, but I don’t think I can explain why I didn’t just want to be a pilot. Maybe…maybe a part of me always knew my father wouldn’t approve of any deviation from his plan for me, but I think I had hoped that if he saw I was doing something for our country, that I was going to do something important then maybe it would be okay. I was wrong of course, and maybe I knew that already too. Maybe I wanted to do something he wouldn’t like that I knew I could get away with. Or maybe Matt’s right and I _do_ have a hero complex,” Shiro suggested, laughing a little although it wasn’t all that funny. “I guess those aren’t good reasons to fight in a war though.”

“I don’t care about that,” Keith said bluntly. “I’m just glad you told me.” He scooted closer to Shiro and leaned into him. “We don’t have to talk about it more tonight. We can just eat pizza and get some dessert later. Just thank you for being honest.”

Shiro wrapped his arm around Keith and pulled him closer.

“Thank you for letting me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about all of that, but come on. It's about time they had a conversation
> 
> Thanks for reading friends
> 
> (chapter title taken from If I'm Being Honest by Dodie)


	21. there's a name for boys like you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What’s your type, Shirogane? Maybe I know someone who fits the bill.” 
> 
> Shiro took a sip of his drink. He hadn’t told anyone in his class that he was bi. Mostly because he didn’t really think it mattered but he’d lying if he didn’t admit outing himself to the police academy made him nervous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all...i love this chapter

“Hey, Shirogane? You busy after tonight?”

Shiro pulled on his shirt and glanced over at the man who had called out to him and tried not to wince. Lotor. Lotor was…decent. A little young and maybe a little arrogant, but overall okay. He had sparred with Lotor once or twice over the course of the last two weeks and he was a pretty good fighter. But there was something about Lotor that just rubbed him the wrong way, though he couldn’t pinpoint why.

“Uh, not really. Why?”

“A couple of us were going to get a drink. Want to join us?” He gestured to the group behind him. He knew some of the people by name and recognised a few others. No one who set off alarm bells, but still…

“I don’t know…” Lotor walked over and slung his arm around Shiro.

“Come on, Shirogane. Today was gruelling. I think we all deserve a little fun, right?” Shiro tensed slightly but forced a smile. He glanced at the clock. Keith wasn’t supposed to be working tonight, but he had mentioned a paper.

“Alright, maybe for a little bit.” Lotor grinned.

“Excellent.”

***

Shiro couldn’t help but smile as their group entered The Castle. It was hard to believe a little over a month ago, he had been guilted into a trip to the bar and met Keith.

“I’ll get first rounds,” Ezor declared.

“Excellent, we’ll grab a booth.” Lotor grabbed Shiro’s arm and dragged him towards an open spot. Shiro glanced back at the others but they all grinned good-naturally and followed them.

“You, uh, you certainly are touchy, aren’t you,” Shiro commented with an awkward laugh. Lotor laughed as he slid next to Shiro.

“I suppose I am.” He winked at Shiro and laughed when Shiro glanced away hurriedly. “I’m an only child so I tend to be a little touchy sometimes. I hope it doesn’t actually bother you.” His voice sounded teasing rather than actually concerned in any way, but Shiro shook his head regardless.

“No, it’s okay.”

“Lotor’s always been like that,” Zethrid cut in. “Ever since we were kids.”

“You guys grew up together?”

“Yup!” She reached around Shiro and squeezed Lotor’s shoulder. “Been through thick and thin with this guy!”

“The annoying little sister I never asked for,” Lotor confirmed with an eye roll, but his tone was fond.

“What about you, Shiro?” Zethrid asked, leaning forward excitedly. “I bet you’re a big brother huh? You kinda give off that vibe.”

“_You fit the stereotype of an only child nearly perfectly.”_ Shiro couldn’t help but smile.

“No, I’m actually an only child too.”

“Really?” AJ looked surprised as he settled into the seat next to Lotor. “I’m with Zethrid, I definitely would have called oldest. I’m a middle child myself. A little sister and an older brother.”

“Is he in the area?” Shiro asked.

“Nope, living in Texas. Just got married actually.”

“Congratulations,” Shiro offered genuinely. AJ was probably the guy he knew the best out of their little group. His sense of humour reminded Shiro a lot of Matt’s and he knew if they made it through the training program, he wouldn’t mind being partnered with him.

“She’s way too good from him,” AJ said with a grin. “Don’t know how he pulled it off. Speaking of, Joaquim, when are you gonna pop the question?” Joaquim ducked his head.

“We’ve only been together a year,” he defended. “I’ve got time.”

“Time for her to realise she’s out of your league,” AJ teased.

“Hey!”

“I got drinks,” Ezor announced, passing around the bottles.

“What took so long?” Zethrid asked, stealing a bottle and a kiss on the cheek. “Flirting with the cute bartender?”

_“Keith,” Matt told Allura sweetly, “is the lovely bartender who our dearest Shiro just ogled helpless while ordering our drinks.”_

_ “WHAT?!”_

_ “I wasn't ogling!” Shiro protested, facing growing even warmer. “I was just…”_

_ “Enjoying the view?”_

Ezor laughed.

“Nah, not my type.” She raised an eyebrow at Lotor. “Might be yours though.” Lotor shrugged and took a drink.

“Maybe I’ll take the next round then,” he teased before glancing at Shiro and giving him a considering look. “What’s your type, Shirogane? Maybe I know someone who fits the bill.”

Shiro took a sip of his drink. He hadn’t told anyone in his class that he was bi. Mostly because he didn’t really think it mattered but he’d lying if he didn’t admit outing himself to the police academy made him nervous.

“Uh, thanks but no thanks. I’m already seeing someone,” Shiro admitted, hoping the conversation would move on.

“You dog!” AJ laughed and wagged his eyebrows at Shiro. “You never said!”

“Is it serious?” Zethrid asked excitedly.

“Uh…”

“How serious could it be if he’s never mentioned it?” Lotor asked with a smirk. Shiro just shrugged helplessly and looked at AJ instead.

“It just never came up, that’s all. No big deal.”

“Oh please. Joaquim’s always going on about his girlfriend and how great she is and how cute she is when she sneezes and she has the cutest eyes and never once could you interrupt with ‘I have a great partner too’, seriously?” Shiro laughed at the half-hearted accusation in AJ’s voice. “It’s not funny! Sometimes I think I know more about his girlfriend than I do about my own husband.”

“Hey!”

The table laughed and ribbed Joaquim mercilessly but Shiro could only stare.

“I didn’t know you were married,” Shiro said awkwardly.

“Three years,” he said proudly, taking a drink. “And I can’t imagine my life without him.”

“He the better half?” Ezor asked grinning.

“Absolutely,” AJ confirmed. “Even better looking than me, if you can believe it.”

“No hard to,” she shot back.

“You wound me!”

“Girls you’re both pretty,” Zethrid cut in, giving them both big smiles. “Can we move on to more important things? Like who’s Shiro’s dating?”

Shiro tried not to shrink in on himself as the whole booth turned to face him.

“Well, I’m—”

A shrill ring cut off his answer.

He reached into his pocket and grinned at the name. Never had he been more relieved to see his best friend’s name.

“I’ve actually got to take this,” Shiro said, sliding out of the booth.

“Booo!” AJ cried. “Come back and answer our questions, you coward!”

“Two minutes,” he promised as he headed for the door. “Hello?”

“Hey, I’m not interrupting anything am I?”

“Nah, you’re good. What’s up?”

“Allura and I were planning movie night for next week and then we realised the date. Do you want us to reschedule or should we go ahead without you?” Shiro blinked.

“…why?”

“Seriously?” Matt laughed. “I mean I don’t want to make any assumptions but it’s Valentine’s day weekend.”

_Ah shit_.

“Right, of course. Valentines.”

“Shiro, did you actually forget?”

“No! Kinda. Yes, a little.”

“Shiro…”

“I knew this month was February,” Shiro interjected quickly. “I just didn’t realise how close it is. Do you think he’s waiting for me to make plans? Do you think he thinks I forgot? Oh god.”

“Shiro, calm down. You’ve got a week to figure something out. Just give him a call, set something up, and relax.” Shiro took a breath and nodded.

“You’re right, you’re right. I just need to talk to him.”

“Of course I’m right!” Shiro smiled and rolled his eyes. “So reschedule or…?”

“Allura doesn’t have a date?”

“Not that she’s mentioned…wait, why did you only ask about Allura? Did you just assume I didn’t have a date?

“_Do_ you have a date?”

“No, but you don’t have to just assume.”

“I’m sorry,” Shiro said placatingly.

“Sure you are,” Matt grumbled. “I can hear you smiling through the phone.”

“How bout we reschedule for the week after so if you and Allura want you can find dates?”

“Fine. I’ll tell Allura.”

“Okay, and Matt?”

“Yeah?”

“Ask someone out for Valentines. You’re a babe and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” Matt laughed.

“Roger that. Talk to you later, Shiro.”

“Bye.”

Shiro slipped his phone back into his pocket and headed inside. He figured he could buy them an apology round then head out so he could talk to Keith before it got too late. He walked back over to the booth and gave them a sheepish smile.

“Sorry about that.”

“No worries,” AJ assured. “Was that your _lover_? Did you have an _interesting _talk?” Shiro couldn’t help but laugh at AJ’s overtly suggestive tone.

“No! No, that was just my best friend. He needed to coordinate schedules.”

“Boring!” Zethrid pouted. “I wanna hear about your lover!” Shiro blushed and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Maybe next time. I’ve actually got to head home. I’ll get the next round though, as an apology for leaving so early.” Ezor waved him off.

“Lotor’s already getting it. You’ll just have to get the first round next time.”

“Sounds fair,” Shiro agreed. “Well goodnight, get home sa—”

“Oh, that little minx!” Lotor brushed past Shiro and slid back into the booth, frustration on his face. Ezor laughed.

“Struck out, then?” She asked as she took a second drink.

“He completely blew me off, ” Lotor complained. “He wouldn’t even take my number! And you were right, Ezor. He’s totally my type: feisty and gorgeous. God, and his eyes!” Shiro couldn’t help but glance at the bar. Keith wasn’t supposed to be working but maybe…

“Longish dark hair?” Lotor looked over at Shiro in mild surprise and nodded.

“Yes, why? Do you know him?”

“Yeah, actually.”

“Good!” Lotor perked up. “Now I have an ally. What’s his name?”

“His name’s Keith. Actually, he’s—”

“Keith, huh?” Lotor interrupted.“So tell me, is he playing hard to get or totally uninterested?” Shiro laughed awkwardly.

“Well, I hope he’s uninterested. Uh, Keith is actually—”

“Shiro!” Shiro turned and saw Keith standing behind him, big smile on his face. “I thought I saw you walk in, but then I looked again and you disappeared.”

“Matt called. I stepped out so I could hear him. I thought you weren’t working tonight.” Keith shrugged.

“The other guy’s sick with the flu. What can you do?”

“Shirogane,” Lotor interrupted with a purr, “aren’t you going to introduce us to your lovely friend?”

“Uh, yeah.” Shiro turned back to the table. “Keith, these are some of the people from the academy. That’s Joaquim, AJ, Zethrid, Ezor, and uh, I think you met Lotor earlier.”

“Yeah, we met,” Keith said flatly.

“How nice to see you again,” Lotor replied with a smirk.

“How do you guys know each other?” Zethrid asked curiously. Keith glanced over at Shiro, seeming unsure, and Shiro’s heart melted a little. He moved closer and wrapped his arm around Keith’s waist.

“Actually, Keith is my boyfriend.”

Shiro held his breath as he waited for the table’s reaction.AJ was the first to respond. He reached out his hand to Keith and grinned impishly.

“Good to meet you, man! Hope you’ve been taking good care of my friend, hum?” Shiro flushed at the insinuation but Keith laughed and took his hand.   
“Think that should stay between me and Shiro,”he replied with a wink.

“Aww, you’re adorable!” Zethrid cooed. “Sit with us! We wanna hear all about how you two met!”

“Sorry, but I’ve actually got to get back to work. I just wanted to grab Shiro before he disappeared again.” Keith stretched up and kiss Shiro quickly on the lips. “If I call you after my shift, will you still be awake?”

“Yeah, I’ll be up.”

“Great, I’ll talk to you later. Nice meeting you all. Well, most of you.” He gave Shiro one more kiss and made his way back to the bar. Shiro watched him leave before turning back to the group.

“Uh…” AJ whistled.

“Not bad, Shiro. Not bad at all.” Shiro flushed bright but couldn’t help but smile. He glanced over at Lotor nervously.

“Sorry, I tried to tell you but—”

“Oh please, Shirogane,” Lotor interrupted with a dismissive wave of his hand. “Don’t worry about me. Although if you break up, you know where to find me.”

“Right?” Shiro agreed uncertainly. “Well, I’ll see you guys.” He waved and headed out. As he climbed into his car, his phone buzzed with a text message.

** _From: AJ Cascio_ **

** _ Hey, I’m sorry for pressuring you earlier to talk about your partner. I should have known better and I should have dropped it. I’m sorry._ **

Shiro stared at the phone in surprise.

** _ To: AJ Cascio_ **

** _ Don’t worry about it. It wasn’t really a secret. It honestly just never came up before now. You didn’t do anything wrong._ **

** _ From: AJ Cascio_ **

** _ Yeah, but I know what it feels like to get outed when you aren’t ready. And you didn’t really seem ready._ **

Shiro hesitated before responding. On the one hand, he didn’t really care if his classmates knew he was bi. As Allura was so fond of saying, it was the twenty-first century and people should be able to love who they wanted. But on the other hand…_ “What if they're queers?”_

_ “If those fags—”_

Shiro flinched just at the memory.

Yeah, it was the twenty-first century, but not everyone else was on board quite yet.

** _ To: AJ Cascio_ **

** _ I could have lied. I didn’t. I’m okay if people know I have a really incredible boyfriend. I just didn’t want to be the next Joaquim lol._ **

** _ From: AJ Cascio_ **

** _ LOLOLOLOLOL_ **

** _ Well, get home safe, buddy._ **

** _ To: AJ Cascio_ **

** _ You too._ **

Shiro buckled his seatbelt and started his drive home, eager for Keith’s call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look at Lotor making an entrance! love that little shit  
and yeah, next chapter is valentines ;) so things might get interesting
> 
> oh for anyone still wondering about shiro and his dad, Keith and his family, Shiro's undealt with PTSD, and much more, don't you worry....its coming :)
> 
> (Chapter title taken from Boys Like You by Dodie, cause you know...Lotor)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading friends! See you on Tuesday!
> 
> chapter title from many songs but specifically The Story Of Tonight from Hamilton: An American Musical


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